Does anyone else feel covid has broken their family?

[SexNamesRFab]

Before covid I would have said DH and I were very happy. Our DDs (12&9) were hard work, but with family counselling and investigations for ASD kicking off, we were coping.

Now I feel utterly drained by all 3 of them. Without school, professional and family help with childcare, plus my cleaner - I have realised the mental load and lion’s share of the chores falls entirely on me.

I cannot bear it any more and I find I dislike all of them. Despite my best efforts the 3 of them fight back against any kind of routine. They will not look after themselves (eat properly, sleep properly, get washed and dressed, take exercise etc) without constant nagging. It’s completely draining.

This morning I took DD1 to her activity and had to put up with her rudeness and aggression as she struggled to get dressed, fought over what we had to put in her packed lunch, then got anxious about being late.

I asked DH to take DD2 to her activity while I took dog to the vet. He ‘forgot’ . When I reminded him he asked how was he supposed to know what time it was as I hadn’t put it in the family diary. Before covid he took her every Saturday and last week we took her together. FFS.

Meanwhile DD2 is in her school uniform from last night and has eaten 3 bowls of breakfast cereal all day. I got her uniform out for activity and reminded her in the morning, but she just told me to go away as she was on iPad.

I am so exhausted, so lonely and so utterly sick of it all.

That sounds awful, op. If I were you, I would be having a MASSIVE talk with my husband. Guns blazing, actually.

I think lockdown has been really hard for us all in various forms of what you describe but add in additional needs and I do think it's taken to another level.

Did you get anywhere with the ASD assessments?

You 'D'H sounds useless and I would address that first and foremost.

I get what you mean. Covid has made me realise too as we can stripped back to our bare minimum. I've told DH to step up and do half of the house work and he has agreed. Can you two work something out?

I think Covid has just turned up the dial on problems. Your issue might not have shown up for decades but eventually it would have.

They all sound horrible to be around. I know the kids probably cant help a lot of their behaviour - but they're not even trying, are they? So, my advice would be to withdraw from non-essentials. Wash school uniform, and NOTHING ELSE if its not in the baaket. Make sure all activities are on the calendar, give one reminder in the morning, and then if they miss it, they miss it.

Hide ALL the chargers. This is less confrontational than confiscating devices, but just as effective. Take the dog out for a walk just as the devices start to get REALLY low.

I do think that the main problem is your DH. The girls are mirroring him, because his life is easy, and yours looks like nothing but drudgery. Only you know how best to go nuclear on him, but i think it needs to start.

Also, ask your cleaner if she will come back. You need some slack somewhere.

This has nothing really to do with covid, and everything to do with your DH being a crap father

At some point you were always going to come to this realisation

Im assuming the behaviour you describe from your DC is related to potential asd assessment so im leaving them out of my post.

Yes, I hear you!

OP, I would cut back on anything that isnt essential like the activities etc, if they're eating, washing, sleeping etc. You can't do it all, esp now.

This isn’t AIBU so you’ll forgive me if I don’t find the ‘it’s your fault for being a mug OP’ particularly kind or helpful.

Cleaner came back this week, thank god.

DH is not a total arse hole - he was wrapped up in DIY when he forgot. I’m just so annoyed that his immediate reaction was to blame me. I’m not his mum FFS. He has tried to make a p for it today but I know it won’t last.

DD1s rudeness and aggression is the exhibition of her anxiety due to ASD. I was refusing to help with basic tasks (brushing hair , putting shoes on) because 1) she needs to take responsibility 2) I don’t want her to think she can be so horrible to me.

Yes I’m the parent and I should have the power. I’ve been managing both DDs behaviour to get them back into school routine all week.

But what happens when everything feels like such a struggle and you’re just fucking sick of it all coming down to you?

(Already on ADs)

@beecause Yes they have both been seen by the paediatrician (well phone phone call with me because covid) and are on waiting list for formal assessment. Waiting list is 22-24 months!!

In the meantime both have been prescribed melatonin for sleep.