I don't feel content anymore

[Amie45fhfh]

I have a sweet oh. Been together 8 years. We have two children. He has never broke my heart. He doesn't cheat or lie. He's a great dad. He will do anything for me in many ways. He's done nothing wrong. But sometimes I feel I'm lacking in what I crave and it's all on me, I know that. The truth is I'm just fed up. We've been stuck together for 6 months. But he's different to me. He's too invested in the people at the top. The intentions of the government. He's so focused on control and us being watched all the time. It's made him rather dull. He's also just happy to work all day and then just slob around all weekend and all evening. Always achy. Always got a back ache. Always tired. Yet he won't sleep in the evenings until gone midnight. He chooses to watch stuff when the kids are asleep.

Ive always been abit of a clown in my spare time. I am very capable of being serious. Being a good listener. Talking about loads of stuff. But I don't like to be serious constantly. I like a giggle. I like someone who sings in the car.who just randomly talks about really funny things. He has no spontaneous side to him. He's never bouncy. He never rolls out of bed and gets showered with a productive plan in place. I've been watching him this week. I've been poorly. He's been off work for a week. He has cooked tea and washed up once a day. He's done the school run. The rest of it he's sat on the sofa with the curtains shut watching crap tele. I've jokingly dug at him today about him being really unproductive this week. No walking. No painting. He cut the grass after I nagged him but he's not weeded so it still looks crap. So many little things he could have done. But he just doesn't want to.

Sometimes I think he's so nice and thoughtful. But he's too serious. He's so sluggish it irritates me. It takes him 45 minutes to poo. Another 40 minutes to shower. So when he goes to get ready it takes forever which irritates us. Yet he won't shower in the evenings or first thing so it doesn't screw the whole day up.

He's got so many lovely qualities.but I am craving some laughter and fun. I can't say he's done anything wrong. I'm not looking at other men either. There is no other man. But sometimes I think is this it? Did I settle for the wrong type. Is this some sort of 7 year itch? I don't mean to a bitch. Its all on me. I don't know what else I can try. Sometimes I pop the music on to e joy whilst I tidy up and he just keeps interrupting me to talk about something he's read and I'm like ughhh I'm in the zone.

Probably will be told I'm horrible. I don't think I can change him really. Maybe itsme who needs to change.i don't know!

So he’s fed up and you’re fed up. Have you talked about it?

He sounds depressed to me, OP. No energy, sitting watching tv all the time, taking ages to complete simple tasks like showering or toileting, no interest in going out or hobbies - they’re fairly classic symptoms. Lockdown and isolation, and fear of infection, have caused an increase in depression across the country, for obvious reasons.
Perhaps worth discussing with him if he’d like to speak to his GP?

Honestly? I think this is just nature tbh. No-one’s perfect. There will always be something. If he’s not too serious then he’d be a man child. If he took the initiative more he’d be smothering, bossy or controlling.

I had a friend who left her husband for a guy who seemed more “active”: he played football with his son and cracked jokes. Turns out life with him is even more stagnant than with her ex - other than the above he spends his whole time gaming, doesn’t really do romantic dates and he’s selfish in bed!

I wonder sometimes if it’s just Nature’s way of nudging us to get more kids with different genes, the better to further the species. This is why so many middle-aged men leave their wives for younger women is it not? They’re more fun. More spontaneous. Less serious. They make them feel alive.

Grass is definetly not greener. Never underestimate being able to get on with Yr DP. And all the good points.

I appreciate these replies and the fact they are fair and unjudgemental. He goes through stages of being low. When he got super stressed at work he went on anti depressants and got therapy. He's ok now as far as I can tell. I do check in on him alot with that. I know he has trouble switching off and things. Lockdown has certainly made things seem extra dull , which is why I'm sort of acknowledging it's more me perhaps than him. I think my mind is numb and bored. I have tried to get him to beore productive. I honestly think doing some small things to our garden and stuff would really improve our leisure time. Keep us busy and stuff too. He keeps saying he wants to grow veg. But he won't get around to it. He has £12,000 saved up. He's so sensible and I think that's a great part of him. But he won't even take abit out so we can slate the garden and just get it looking less dull. But he just won't do it. I painted the kitchen walls. He has just left the ceiling painting. He was supposed to be changing the light switch covers. But they are sat three weeks on waiting. I feel like I'm doing the mundane stuff. The childcare and the washing. I'm doing bedtimes and meals. So whilst I'm doing that I wish he'd get out and sort some of the things that kids need to be away from

I've said things to him about being fed up and saying if he ever wanted to seperate and be friends id understand. He just said I upset him when I say that. Then I'll say but we seem to just never get things done together. We are never up and out and about refreshed. He says it's because we are in the thick of things right now. He's probably right.

I think there is a part of me that just wants to get to know someone allover again. Have all the passion. I want to meet someone who does different things. Who's louder. Who makes me want to have sex and stuff.

It's like this morning. It's his birthday today. He opened his present. I got him a puma t shirt with camo writing. He said he would wear it when he goes to fight bill gates (I thought FFS ) he just has this stuff on his mind constantly.

Aghhh thanks for listening. I'll probably snap out of it one day. He really does have a heart of gold. He just doesn't make me laugh anymore.

P.s name change fail again. Sorry. It's still me. I just change my name as I like to try keep private

@Amie45fhfh

I have a sweet oh. Been together 8 years. We have two children. He has never broke my heart. He doesn't cheat or lie. He's a great dad. He will do anything for me in many ways. He's done nothing wrong. But sometimes I feel I'm lacking in what I crave and it's all on me, I know that. The truth is I'm just fed up. We've been stuck together for 6 months. But he's different to me. He's too invested in the people at the top. The intentions of the government. He's so focused on control and us being watched all the time. It's made him rather dull. He's also just happy to work all day and then just slob around all weekend and all evening. Always achy. Always got a back ache. Always tired. Yet he won't sleep in the evenings until gone midnight. He chooses to watch stuff when the kids are asleep.

Ive always been abit of a clown in my spare time. I am very capable of being serious. Being a good listener. Talking about loads of stuff. But I don't like to be serious constantly. I like a giggle. I like someone who sings in the car.who just randomly talks about really funny things. He has no spontaneous side to him. He's never bouncy. He never rolls out of bed and gets showered with a productive plan in place. I've been watching him this week. I've been poorly. He's been off work for a week. He has cooked tea and washed up once a day. He's done the school run. The rest of it he's sat on the sofa with the curtains shut watching crap tele. I've jokingly dug at him today about him being really unproductive this week. No walking. No painting. He cut the grass after I nagged him but he's not weeded so it still looks crap. So many little things he could have done. But he just doesn't want to.

Sometimes I think he's so nice and thoughtful. But he's too serious. He's so sluggish it irritates me. It takes him 45 minutes to poo. Another 40 minutes to shower. So when he goes to get ready it takes forever which irritates us. Yet he won't shower in the evenings or first thing so it doesn't screw the whole day up.

He's got so many lovely qualities.but I am craving some laughter and fun. I can't say he's done anything wrong. I'm not looking at other men either. There is no other man. But sometimes I think is this it? Did I settle for the wrong type. Is this some sort of 7 year itch? I don't mean to a bitch. Its all on me. I don't know what else I can try. Sometimes I pop the music on to e joy whilst I tidy up and he just keeps interrupting me to talk about something he's read and I'm like ughhh I'm in the zone.

Probably will be told I'm horrible. I don't think I can change him really. Maybe itsme who needs to change.i don't know!

But surely you saw most/all of these aspects to him e.g. no spontaneity before you settled down and had kids with him?? Also lockdown and extended time just together with additional challenges and stress has been boring for the vast majority of families and people.

Bear in mind many of the men who are very spontaneous, exciting, unpredictable, lots of chemistry in the honeymoon period make terrible husbands and fathers down the line. They're a LOT of bad men out there. If you leave you may go from frying pan to fire. Focus on cultivating new experiences with him. Also another person's reason for existence is not to be our entertainment device. Practice gratitude for all the things, including him, that are right in your life. Spend time exploring your own interests and take responsibility for making your life more interesting and spiritually fulfilled (e.g. dig out some inspirational Bible verses).

This doesn’t sound like a marriage that has run its course, OP. You sound lovely and wanting to be engaged with life and he sounds like being in the “thick of it” has sucked out all his energy.

Maybe he needs you with all your vitality to show him the way forward. That £12k is half yours so tell him that you appreciate the (very sensible) need to have money in reserve but you’re spending a couple of grand on things that’ll improve life for the family. You and the kids get involved with planning, buying and planting with him - the four of you could have great fun in the garden (disclaimer: I know fuck all about gardening/growing veg so god knows if now is a good time to start )

You can’t start again with another bloke, OP, it would just be wrong to split up a young family with a kind dad. I would apologise to him for saying you’d understand if he just wanted to be friends. It must have utterly crushed him.