Quiet please? Sex with kids in the house

[Seriya]

Ok here's the question... bear with me, it's kinda personal.

I'm wondering what measures people take to, err, stop their kids listening in on their lovelife. Go totally quiet? Find them a bedroom the other end of the house? Send them on sleepovers with their friends?

And from what age onwards? I guess a baby sleeps soundly and wouldn't understand what it's hearing anyway, but is the same true for a toddler?

Why would you think a baby sleeps soundly? IME babies have a sixth sense and start howling at the crucial moment at least 50% of the time.

just put them in the garden

The question was actually genuine and I?m not a journo doing any kind of research ? though I guess that?s happened before (sorry, I?m only an occasional lurker and didn?t realise).

Anyway, I think I?ll go hide in that hole I seem to have dug for myself before I die of embarrassment . Cheers for the serious replies.

Sorry Seri [profers olive branch]
[and another from cod who doesn't do olive branches I suspect ]

Sorry from me too (though, you know, sex in the playground might work...nah, OK). Tbh, unless you are screaming "Yes! Big boy! Yes, yes yes!" at the top of your voice it isn't really going to be a problem. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many of us with more than one child

Scaremyvile, why pick up on syntax?

If the OP is a new member of MN thats just the sort of thing that stops people posting again.

Poor Seriya, feel bad for you! Don't let these old timers put you off!

We have sex really quietly

Ok, here's my serious answer. We have:

quietish sex when both children are here and asleep as our house is small enough that they could hear

loud sex if ds is away, as he is every other weekend, since dd def won't wake up

loud sex if we take time off work and go to bed int he daytime

loud sex if we sneak off to a hotel

v v v quiet sex if they're awake and downstairs but this is exceedingly rare

But we're hoping to buy a bigger house next yr and keep looking longingly at houses with a floor in between the children and us

They heard my neighbours recently though

I said "Ohh Mr X is sneezing I think"

Blimey WickedWW...you are putting us all to shame.

lol at sneezing!
that's not as often as it sounds, just that we are aware of when we can and can't make any noise. Sorry for tmi

Get a babysitter so you can go out on a 'romantic date' and either relive your youth by shagging in a graveyard/carpark/.back seat of the car/bus shelter or find a local hotel that rents rooms by the hour (I'm sure at least one of the budget-traveller chains ahs some sort of deal or is at least not too expensive to book a room that you're only going to use for an hour or two. There's definitely one in birmingham).

Perhaps bribe your neighbours to have loud noisy sex to drown you out too

Can recommend Sunday school. An hour and a half on a Sunday morning. All the kids in our road go. 'Tis very quiet round here then...

if you think its bad trying to stop your children from hearing you should try living with your parents-in-law. and being overtly vocal.

Hey it's not that easy having a w*nk when you have a restless toddler in the next room and his father prowling around downstairs - and a vibrator that sounds like a Spitfire taking off...

they really should make a totally silent vibrator

ROFL at the Spitfire vibrator ;) Scarily, I know exactly what you mean?

Some good ideas here though, I think NOW I understand why my parents were always very happy for me to go to Sunday school?

Fortunately DD is only 11 months old atm and a pretty sound sleeper so I guess I?m being a little overly paranoid here. But my student days in shared houses aren?t sooo long ago that I can?t remember just how clearly the sound of shagging carries through the walls, so it did make me wonder

do it downstairs while the kids are in bed upstairs or do it upstairs (normally in the bathroom with the door locked) while the kids are playing downstairs. Failing both of those, send the kids to stay with a relative over night.

Television. Choose the length of the DVD/Programme according to how much effort/time required for sex. For example: for a quickie put on an episode of Noddy, for a bit more attention to detail put on a Over the Hedge or similar length film.
Also don't assume that because a 4 yr old can't hear loud and repeated requests for a tidy room/eating his dinner/being good/saying please and thank you etc that he won't hear you having moderately quiet sex from the other room. He will hear it and appear out of the corner of your eye (at the worst possible moment) and say "Why are you waking me up with all that noise?" followed by "Oh, you are hugging again. Ok."

You know (despite the occaisonal paranoid and demented rants from people who hate sex anyway about how traumatic it is for children to be aware of it occurring) an awful lot of kids get the odd accidental glimpse of parental nooky. And it's not actually that bad a thing for them to learn that sex is a happy healthy thing that parents do - though it is a private thing.

Oh, and those of you who don't go in for the kind of sex that involves chaining each other to the ceiling or dressing up in gimp suits, just think for a minute of how much more difficult that is for parents to do discreetly

lololololol mademez, personally we just wait till both kids are asleep, then stick a towel or soething behind the headboard