Hi Everyone,
I suppose I am looking for closure out of my recent break up. I will start off by saying this relationship was my first love. It lasted 2 years and I am beyond heartbroken it has now come to an end.
I met my ex partner online 2 years ago. Without sounding sickly it was love at first site and we were both very smitten with each other. I was 27 at the time and have not had any long lasting relationships or anyone I have really 'clicked' with. My ex was 15 years my senior and had been married with 2 children.
He said he split from his wife 2 years prior to us meeting but he only moved out 6 months before we met. He told me from the word get go that he was still on friendly terms with his wife ( I won't say ex as they are still married - even to this day). At the time I thought this was great. Why can't relationships end and people still get a long?
However 3 months we decided to move into together and the relationship was progressing rather quickly. It was a whirlwind romance but it felt so right at the time. After 6 months I noticed some cracks. I am a very positive person but also an empath. I struggle to deal with bad or tough days and can find them overwhelming. When single I use to come home, have a good cry, enjoy a wine and be OK the next morning.
My ex hated this. He would tell me I was being stupid and ignore me all night and sometimes the next morning. I use to find this so bizarre as he was the most caring, loving man you could ever meet. His mood would change instantly if I came home upset. It's worth noting I worked in a Vets and the job was extremely difficult. Most days we lost animals and had to deal with very angry owners. After a while the abusive behaviour from clients starts to take a negative toll on your mental health.
One night I came home, a little upset but fine. My ex was dressed up and looked very handsome. He told me he was taking his wife out for dinner with his 2 boys. I asked if I could join and finally meet everyone and he said no as this would upset his wife and children. This happened for over 2 months (he would go for walks, meals and even weekends in London)
Eventually I snapped and got upset. Our weekends we're now split as he would split his time between me and his wife. He then told me she misses him greatly and he missed her. He told me due to a medical condition she could no longer make love so as a result he felt fine spending the odd night with her. I was heartbroken.
My ex couldn't understand why I was heartbroken and left. He went to live back with his wife. I was a mess on the kitchen floor. I couldn't function (like an idiot). We did everything together, we were best mates as well as lovers and I honestly thought I was going to marry this guy.
2 months later he came back and told me he wanted to commit and that our love was different...(I know what you're all thinking). I took him back and things were different. I met the family and his wife. I actually got on with his wife and his kids. We did many family events together and all was good.
His wife was moving on with someone else which made it a lot easier too. However a month ago she split from her new partner and wouldn't leave my ex alone. Constantly texting and ringing. My ex took pity and started spending more time with her again. She then came into our home and was not letting him go, hand holding, kissing him....I couldn't believe it. My ex saw nothing wrong with this.
Again when I got upset he snapped and told me things needed to end. He told me he should be able to do what he wanted when he wanted and despite the fact we are couple if wanted to spend to time with his wife then he will.
After 2 weeks of trying I threw the towel in and said I wanted us to become good friends. He was really upset and actually asked me to not leave. My head was absolute mess so we discussed him going to his holiday home for a couple of weeks and we can both sort our heads out and see how we feel.
I've just learnt today his wife is joining him. This shouldn't bother me but it really has.
I absolutely love this man but I feel there will always be two of us.
I tried calling him tonight but as soon as I got upset he terminated the call and told me I could no longer ring him and he would speak to me tomorrow before his wife joins him.
How on earth do I move on or I'm I being selfish?
Thank you for reading - any advice is appreciated.