Partner watches a lot of porn

[Jollylolly95]

We had a good relationship, but since I found out he watches a lot of porn, even in the shower (he forgot to lock to door and I walked in) Wakes up extremely early just to watch porn while everyone is asleep etc, I have lost all sexual feelings towards him. It's even more unsettling that the porn he watches is all teen and very attractive girls, I can't compete. It doesn't help that I have a child and currently pregnant, so I don't look great. He also never compliments me or makes me feel "sexy" I know people will say all men watch porn, but I don't believe they all do, that isn't what bothers me so much, but it's the kind of porn and knowing the kind of women/girls he finds attractive while I'm here, body parts that will never be the same again or good enough for him

What a shit that he never compliments you. Have you talked to him about it? You are especially vulnerable right now and he is behaving very poorly. Hugs

It's true that a lot of guys watch porn and in most cases it doesn't interfere with their relationships. It's just wank fantasises, most porn features young and attractive people, you should not assume that this means he is comparing you unfavourably to them.

You may not be able or willing to be intimate at the moment so he has turned to porn to sort himself out, this may not be ideal but it's better than pestering you and going without is not easy for some men.

If, on the other hand, you are seeking intimacy and he is not providing it then this is a red flag and you need to discuss it with him. Waking up early just to watch porn certainly suggests that there is a need to talk.

People always go on the defensive about porn or those against it make a huge point about the ethics— I feel what a lot miss out or maybe it’s just me and the OP is that it totally made me no longer feel as emotionally/sexually attracted to H. I simply could not emotionally feel the same way about someone who was virtually every day the minute I was out the house watching this shizzle behind my back and yet always said he watched it very occasionally, when I knew that wasn’t the case at all. I think with some men it’s well beyond ‘needs’ and far more into ‘wants’ territory and personally I find that really yucky to know.

It's just so off putting, if he were watching older porn I wouldn't be as bothered but teens? It disgusts me and I can't look at him the same way anymore

OP i am someone who would never put up with a partner who watches porn. I find it degrading towards women. Personally i would end the relationship. I really feel for you, being pregnant. But i couldnt be with a man who watches porn. Not all men do, but sadly i think its a vanishing minority. Good luck OP

I wasn't always anti-porn as such, but now I associate it with my ex who watched it a lot and was a sex-obsessed sleazeball. So if a man was really into it, it would turn me off him.

Anothernick is completely wrong when he says ‘most porn features young and attractive PEOPLE’ . Most if not all mainstream porb features young and attractive FEMALES and older very average or unattractive males . The looks and age of the female is much more scrutiny than the male and the VERY VAST majority of porn is still made to appeal to the average joe . Made from his point of view to make him feel that regardless of how he looks he can ‘pull ‘ the hot teen he wants . Don’t even start on the whole ‘ oh their are women of all shapes and sizes ‘ sure overweight and old women are fetishes. Like everything in porn women are categoried and their appearance assessed and judged so so much more than men It’s thoroughly disgusting that most men couldn’t care less about how teens are used , or the effect this has on women . Sure some women may not care but personally I couldnt stand the thought of being with a man who thinks it’s fine to wank over teenage girls this way then be comfortable leaving him at home with teenage daughters and and their friends on the weekend . Heck , even driving past teenagers in a mall one has to wonder what all these men watching teen porn are thinking
Of course they justify it by saying it’s fantasy but it’s bs . Sexuality is hugely powerful part of our mind and what one watches isn’t magically divorced when we see the teen walking by the next day wearing a similar pair of shorts for example . Be clear that the man also has ZERO idea how old the ‘ teen ‘ actually is
So yes I get it and frankly don’t understand why some women don’t . I suspect some women may think porn is still a little like the old playboy magazine and nothing like the reality . Men on the other hand know and seem to have no qualms about justifying completely questionable behaviour
It would be great to actually hear from a man who saw the huge issues round it and would admit that they know it’s wrong . I imagine every man watching teen porn would be mortified for their families to know especially their daughters . Sickening really ... and if they wouldn’t feel that way , they should imo

I wouldn't be happy op, watching it together is one thing but getting up early that's bordering addiction and very disrespectful. You're pregnant he should be looking after you not making you feel crap. I would feel very uneasy about the young teens too .

I wouldn't be comfortable with it either but the way people go on about how disgusting men are for watching porn, it's like they are unaware that plenty of women also do.

@borntohula

I wouldn't be comfortable with it either but the way people go on about how disgusting men are for watching porn, it's like they are unaware that plenty of women also do.

I have no doubt that many women watch porn. I also feel exactly the same about any woman that has no issue watching TEEN porn

Yuck. He sounds addicted. Which would definitely affect your relationship.

I would feel inferior and like i didn’t match up too. Poor you.

Write a letter to him telling him exactly how you feel. About them being teens, getting up early to do it, everything. Don't be horrible, avoid judgment, just tell him what is going on with you. If he comes back, defensive and says 'it's nothing bla bla bla', but fails to address how it makes you feel or the damage it is doing to your relationship, that is not good.....not good.

Personally from much experience, I don't actually think you can solve sexual issues. But you need to give him a chance to address it, but best not to blow up at him as it won't help or work.

From another perspective - I once trialled testosterone for migraines. I couldn't believe what it began to do to my libido - the orgasms were 300% stronger. I do think we don't address this difference properly in the sexes. If he's a decent bloke and you approach it dispassionately, he might try and tell you about it. And you may be able to communicate effectively and come to an accommodation.

Gotta say though - I doubt it.

Again from experience and in my fifties - I would never waste another single day hoping or trying to change a situation with a man around sexual issues. Whether it's stuff like this or avoidance of intimacy. You will lose.

I’d agree with Rosabug on a lot of what she says . Write it out and give him the opportunity to explain exactly why he doesn’t see any issue with the whole teen stuff . You can certainly express your concerns calmly and still expect solid responses that MAKE SENSE. Tbh I can’t imagine one response that can make sense of why he needs ‘ teen ‘ porn . If he avoids addressing this then that’s a massive issue .
Having said that I’m also in my fifties and have done the whole hormone / testosterone for migraine thing in the past . Whilst It may make one more interested sexually it didn’t for one minute change my moral compass or make me think it was ok to sexualise teenagers or make me desire teen boys !
That’s the one point I would disagree on . I think as a society we give way too much credit to ‘testosterone ‘ and justify what some men desire or want to look at as more important than women and girls feelings and at times safety and dignity

@Dancingboots I would bet everything I own that more men than women watch porn. Firstly as others have said it’s aimed at men, secondly women in general aren’t as over sexed and thirdly we aren’t as visual as men. Finally, most women are aware of the ethical issues

@QueSera

OP i am someone who would never put up with a partner who watches porn. I find it degrading towards women. Personally i would end the relationship. I really feel for you, being pregnant. But i couldnt be with a man who watches porn. Not all men do, but sadly i think its a vanishing minority. Good luck OP

This was the case 10 years ago -I got "all men watch porn" "porn is natural" -it isn't and the impact on society, girls, boys, relationship and ex is clear to see and it is isn't positive.

You need to sit down an consider -is it a deal breaker for you?
If it is -call time on a relationship. Life is too short to settle.

If you, a mum with a partner, were watching porn of young teenage boys all day long and never complimented your partner, do you think he would be okay with that?

If you, a mum with a partner, were watching porn of young teenage boys all day long and never complimented your partner, do you think he would be okay with that?

Exactly!! I would be completely turned off too OP

[quote Lurcherloves]@Dancingboots I would bet everything I own that more men than women watch porn. Firstly as others have said it’s aimed at men, secondly women in general aren’t as over sexed and thirdly we aren’t as visual as men. Finally, most women are aware of the ethical issues[/quote]
Couldn’t agree more ... and yes as I stressed earlier the VAST majority is made by and for men