Will me being an introvert effect my son?

[honestmomma]

I’m up breastfeeding my newborn son and thinking about how my introvert tendencies could effect him.

I’m a classic introvert. I love to be alone in my own world although I do live with my partner and enjoy his company / talking to friends and family on the phone daily I find I get very drained being around people for to long or to often. I’m also a bit of a hermit and love being at home, pottering around, cleaning, watching documentaries or doing some DIY. I also worked from home long before Covid and enjoy (enjoyed 😅) the solitude. I tend to prefer the idea of socialising more than socialising itself.

Obviously now I have my son things will be different at home but I’m worried he will pick up on my introversion and the fact I prefer to be home and end up being an introvert himself :( Due to Covid I haven’t been able to attend any local groups or classes and these probably won’t be running for rest of the year I really wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone to meet new people / mums so he doesn’t end up like me. Any other introvert mums out there with some tips? And will my son end up an introvert because I’m one?

I was very shy/socially anxious when young and still find it easier on my nerves to be alone, although I do make an effort to socialise and encouraged it in the kids, as others have described. My (grown-up) son is the same as me; my daughter is totally the opposite - both since they were tiny.
As anxiety can really be problematic, I did get my son a bit of outside help with that as he was growing up, as I felt I could have done with it myself - and I do think it was helpful.

My dad was apparently excruciatingly shy when young, and is a quiet adult, and it always helped me, growing up, to have him as a role model for how not to be outgoing, while still being sociable and pleasant. For that reason I don't try to hide my introverted side from the kids, and am open about enjoying peace and quiet / not having masses of friends.

I am an introvert and when my son was born I had a lot of worries. Everything felt like I was being pushed out of my comfort zone. I did it all, the healthcare, nursery, school and so many extracurriculars .....the biggest challenge was playground mum's I think. I sighed a breath of relief at the end of each particularly challenging day....

I have raised an introvert. I didn't plan it, I waited to see who he was, I like him so much. Introverts are not less valuable than extroverts. We are important in the world. We tend to have our own unique advantages, as extroverts do. Just do your best and love him. And don't worry about it so much. You can do this, you really can.

Being introvert/extrovert is innate, you don’t pick it up from somebody.

I think you have to make an effort to facilitate your son’s friendships so, even if you don’t want to, go on play dates. You have to teach him social skills and how to initiate and develop friendships. But this should be done within parameters that you are comfortable with. E.g. 2 hour play date once a week/fortnight/month if that’s all you can manage. Invites to your house during holidays only if you can’t cope with after school or weekends.

I hope this doesn’t come across too harshly. I’m an introvert too and like my own space and me time. But too often I have seen being an introvert used as an excuse for social laziness and making no effort. You have to make some effort.

If I was to give one piece of advice it would be to always be 5/10 minutes early for any group involving your child. (I did this because I have a thing about time).... It allows you to do the "hello, how was your weekend? " thing with other parents without being overwhelmed too much.

It sounds simple but it meant I had some connection to my son's peers parents without being too socially involved. It also helped build up my confidence in these types of situations ....

Being an introvert won’t affect your son itself, but if you want not to limit his social life, you will need to make an effort to be friendly, say hello to people and partake of chit chat with other people and particularly at the school doors.

Children learn by what they see and initially, get invited for play dates if other mums find you approachable. Learning to break the ice with people you don’t know is a life skill, which will take him from making friends at nursery to building the right networks of support at work that would help him to close a deal or advance on his career.