His stubborn opinions deny my sense of reality

[Fiyurhose]

This has happened a few times now.
DH has a particular viewpoint on something or someone and despite me offering facts to show otherwise, he refuses to take what I'm saying seriously.

This time, it's about my child's teacher (the same one for the second year running). I can't go into detail for outing, but despite me telling him the facts of the situation, he keeps saying "I disagree."
How can you disagree with a factual explanation?
The problem is that because he went to school with her teacher and remembers her as a very conscientious 14 year old, she couldn't possibly be getting it wrong now. I find it infuriating.

I could give dozens of examples of when this has happened in the past. He gets a particular viewpoint in his head and no matter how many facts I give him, he wilp completely deny my reality of the situation if it doesn't fit with the perception he already has.

Is there something wrong with him? I'm starting to believe he must have issues. This isn't just about the teacher scenario, it's literally any scenario that differs from his unwavering viewpoint. He is always so certain of everything. Even to minor things like saying that we have something in the cupboard, I can tell him that I checked with my own eyes 10 minutes ago and it wasn't in there. He won't believe it isn't there until he's checked with his own eyes.

I got so wound up this afternoon as I was telling him a factual description of an event I saw with my own eyes, involving my child's teacher and he said "I disagree."

I hate that I get contradicted all the time. The simplest of conversations end with me feeling quite miserable.

And yes, I've told him. Many times.

Gosh I really feel for you. I'm sure some advice will be to just leave him to it but I know how draining it can be if you're a sensitive person. It makes you feel so un-seen and invisible.

The only thing I can suggest is to literally ignore him when he contradicts you. Don't engage. Don't protest. Just ignore. He isn't contributing anything reasonable. How can you engage with that and still say sane? If he says, for example, there are tins of tomatoes, just go to the cupboard and check and write down that you need them without offering even a flicker of an expression.

But in reality I don't know what the answer is, I'm only commenting to tell you I know exactly what you mean. It has made me hyper aware of sexism.

Does he do it with other men and other women? Is his family quite sexist?

His family do it to each other a lot and yes his father is definitely quite sexist.
For a while, I thought DH was gaslighting me, but I can see that he's not being intentionally psychologically manipulative, he just can not shift his viewpoint at all. And everything is "right or wrong", he doesn't seem to grasp that sometimes there isnt a right or wrong and that people can feel utterly differently in the same situation and both be right.

It is making me feel a little insane to be honest. I am losing patience with it all now and get quite flippant and angry when he does it.

Bet he fancied her at school!!

Thats actually a big part of gaslighting behaviour.

Even if its something you know a lot about or have just checked (infact sometimes especially so) they make you feel like you aren't believed, couldn't possibly be right or that your word is not good enough for them.

Does he display other types of controlling or manipulative behaviour? (not that this isnt bad enough in itself)

And of course he knows he isnt always right and people can have different opinions without being wrong. He just wants you to be stuck in a loop of trying to explain things to him. Frustrated as hell as to why he doesnt get it HE.GETS.IT. He just wants you to think he doesn't. So that he can win. And gaslight you.

I'm not sure. By his facial expressions, he looks completely frustrated ans irritated whenever I've said something that doesn't fit with his preconceived beliefs.
It really unsettles him. He can't keep still and becomes fidgety and anxious like he can't deal with his beliefs or opinions being challenged in any way.
It's bizarre.

I'm on the fence in this one. I think that opinions are like arse holes, everyone has one!
Yes you can agree to disagree, but what makes you think your opinion is more valid than his. I guess because you can prove your opinion is right then he should agree with you? I'm not meaning to be obstructive, but he doesn't have to agree with you even if you're right, the same as you don't have to agree with him when you prove he's wrong.

It's obviously affecting your relationship with him, but maybe you need to either make peace with the fact he's an annoying twit or move on.

He sounds like a bit of a cock, tbh.

I think that opinions are like arse holes, everyone has one!

Well, he gets to have his own opinions, but he doesn't get to have his own facts, and by what the OP says, he's insisting on 'alternative facts' in at least some of these scenarios.

I got so wound up this afternoon as I was telling him a factual description of an event I saw with my own eyes, involving my child's teacher and he said "I disagree."

Grrrr, that's really annoying! It's one thing to have a different idea about the person, but not about the actual facts.

I had one a bit like this. It was just the tip of the iceburg of the way he was manipulating me and stuff.

@LilyLongJohn There is sucha thing as objective truth/reality. And he's not just got a different opinion, he's trying to alter the facts/lying/gaslighting.

It’s weird though. How can he disagree with an event or facts that he had no part in. You saw what happened. It’s like saying “I saw a red car drive by” and your partner (who wasn’t outside) saying “I didn’t see it but I disagree, the car was bright yellow” you can’t agree to disagree on that? Very strange. I couldn’t live with that. I don’t know how you live with somebody like that