Too much..

[a00031]

My husband works from 10:30PM TO 7:00AM
(Overnight) he then will wake up no later than 2:30 PM. My day consists of waking up at 7am to my toddler and working from home. I have to take conference calls, tons of work, make breakfast and lunch for my toddler, all the diaper changes, snacks and anything she might need throughout the day. I'm also expected to wash dishes, laundry...etc. Today when he wakes up at 1:20 I'm finishing up a call. He literally gets pissed because I didn't have food made. 1) I didn't know he was going to wake up at that time. 2) we just got back from a getaway and I was drowning in work that I came back to 3) I also have to care for our daughter throughout the day! Don't get me wrong hes been helping a lot last 2 months with dinner and things around the house but today he threw that all in my face and pretty much told me that I'm less of a women because I didn't serve him food. He's had temper tantrums like this all summer. He can be sooo sweet and then have these grudges that are soooooo annoying to deal with. Like dealing with a big baby sometimes. I guess I've just come here to vent....

@Closetbeanmuncher

The only thing I would be serving that bratty prick is a smack in the chops or divorce papers (probably both).

I hear you. That word serving...like I'm a waitress on duty. No chance mate.

I know someone who actually told her DH that his penis would not fall off if he got himself some food.

You see the problem with some men, is they want a wife doing traditional backdated wife duties...yet they assist why a wife who works and brings home a salary.

The wives who traditionally did these things back in the day, were fully financially supported...not that I would choose that lifestyle either.

@YouBringLightInToADarkPlace

It's rare I jump on threads like this, but honestly, you need to have higher standards for yourself.

I'm not saying LTB because it's easy to chuck that around and rarely if ever a real solution.
But please stop using language like "helping" or "he's been helpful".

You ALLOW him to think this is normal, that he's somehow doing you a favour.

Stand up for yourself... please. This is what your daughter will think is a woman's role.

Yeah hes already saying he wants to put our daughter in cooking classes when she gets older and she's only 2 🤦🏻‍♀️

Thank you so much all💕 We still haven't talked since yesterday. He has a hard time apologizing. I hate dealing with juvenile stuff like this.

@TorkTorkBam

How did he lock himself away? Why did you not dump the baby on him and demand your dinner cooked?

It seems he is not the only one to put his needs well above yours. You are doing it too. Are you scared of him?

No I'm not scared of him but I also hate having the same argument. I hate arguing in general ecspecially about the same stuff. I'm supposed to do almost everything and he has his weeks of astronomical help and then days of none like today and yesterday. Just when I think he's not being lazy anymore...here we are again.

The wives who traditionally did these things back in the day, were fully financially supported

Exactly. The men worked a 10 hour day 6 days a week, and the women did hard physical graft at home as years ago every single aspect of housework was lengthy and manual. The men also handed over their pay packet directly to their wife for her to do the household budget, and he would be given a little 'pocket money' out of it.

We really really don't need to return to those days.

If the woman is working, then the man does his share of housework etc.

Maybe suggest that you quit your job and he hands you his bank card for total and utter control of it just like the good old days? Didnt think so

OP
Do you work full time.
What on earth does he do between 2.30 and 10.30?

Apart from go for a run?

I hate arguing in general ecspecially about the same stuff. I'm supposed to do almost everything

You would rather do the same stuff for hours and hours every day while seething with resentment, than take a minutes every day to tell him to get his lazy arse in gear? That does not sound likely. I suspect you are scared, scared of how he will have a right angry go at you if you tell him to pitch in. He is doing something to make you avoid challenging him despite being at your wit's end.

@TorkTorkBam

I hate arguing in general ecspecially about the same stuff. I'm supposed to do almost everything

You would rather do the same stuff for hours and hours every day while seething with resentment, than take a minutes every day to tell him to get his lazy arse in gear? That does not sound likely. I suspect you are scared, scared of how he will have a right angry go at you if you tell him to pitch in. He is doing something to make you avoid challenging him despite being at your wit's end.

I've had this conversation so many times. In countless ways. Nice, mean, you name it. Frustrating for sure. Like today, he hasn't helped because I told him yesterday if your gonna help when you want to help don't help me at all. So him not helping today I'm sure is because of what I said. But I'll tell you I've done everything alone just fine, still haven't spoke to him. I'm so mad I don't even have the words yet

@Somethingkindaoooo

OP Do you work full time. What on earth does he do between 2.30 and 10.30?

Apart from go for a run?

Sometimes he plays with our daughter sometimes he doesn't. Dependent on how he "feels" that day. Sometimes he'll cook and help with laundry. When he wakes up it's very dependent on how he's feeling for the day it seems like.

@Somethingkindaoooo

OP Do you work full time. What on earth does he do between 2.30 and 10.30?

Apart from go for a run?

And yes I work full time from home. I feel like since I work from home, my job is a joke to him.

Well OP, you sound very passive and accepting of being treated appallingly.

We teach people how to treat us.

And you are seriously thinking of inflicting him on another child.

How about you look at your rock bottom standards?
Your poor daughter with a waster for a father.

Don't inflict him on any more children OP.

@billy1966

Well OP, you sound very passive and accepting of being treated appallingly.

We teach people how to treat us.

And you are seriously thinking of inflicting him on another child.

How about you look at your rock bottom standards?
Your poor daughter with a waster for a father.

Don't inflict him on any more children OP.

Yeah I'm literally crying so much right now. He's still saying that I should be cooking and I need to be making his hunger is a priority. I do so much for him and then he tears me down. I don't know why he's been cooking for our family to just come back and throw it in my face 💔

Less of a woman?
'Helping' clean the very house he lives in?
Wanting to book your 2 year old cooking classes?
You need make his hunger your priority when you are working FT and looking after your daughter?

What an entitled, lazy, sexist, nasty prick he is. Think of what you are showing your daughter is normal here. You both deserve better. I am actually shocked that there are men like this still out there, I have brought up my teenage son very differently. Please realise you do not have to live like this.

@alwayscrashinginthesamecar1

Less of a woman? 'Helping' clean the very house he lives in? Wanting to book your 2 year old cooking classes? You need make his hunger your priority when you are working FT and looking after your daughter?

What an entitled, lazy, sexist, nasty prick he is. Think of what you are showing your daughter is normal here. You both deserve better. I am actually shocked that there are men like this still out there, I have brought up my teenage son very differently. Please realise you do not have to live like this.

I appreciate the words💕 this thread has been helping me a lot the last 2 days. It's so hard sometimes, it's so childish. It's really hard when you really love someone because they are nice to you most days and you put so much time and effort into this person to then have them blow up on you over food. I really work my butt off day in and day out for my family. This treatment truly breaks my hear

It should break your heart. He's supposed to have your back, be a partnership.

He sees you as a subordinate

"I rather not get his help at all then if he can't help out everyday."

This is an option!

Seriously!

You will be surprised at the massive weight of seething resentment that is lifted off your shoulders when you realise you don't have to spend so much mental energy trying to please him and wishing he would grow up and pull his weight.

I has an amicable split from my partner over 10 years ago, and he is still one of my best friends, but jeez - it was such a revelation when he left.

OP, he couldn't possibly really love you and treat you so appallingly.

You need to look hard at yourself professing love for such a nasty piece of work.

You and your daughter deserve so much better.
For goodness sake don't become any more enmeshed with him by having more children.

He sounds abusive.
Good men don't behave like that.

You deserve better.
You can have betteŕ.

@Closetbeanmuncher

Think I would be serving him up a dog shit sandwich for tommorows lunch.

I'm not seeing Pret introduce that one in a hurry.

Sorry OP, hadn't read the full thread when I posted.

Make his hunger your priority? That leaves me speechless.

I feel your pain.

he hasn't helped because I told him yesterday if your gonna help when you want to help don't help me at all.

Absolutely understand your frustration but it does leave a bit of a win/win for him, doesn't it. He gets to do things exactly on his terms. His retiring about your failings is just to undermine your confidence and keep you trying harder.

I only wish there were a better way

He certainly doesn't deserve to have another child with you. He hardly deserves the oxygen he breathes.

Can you imagine a life without him? That might be your best option or be what it takes to wake him up. Good luck.

I was engaged to someone who came out with the "less of a woman" comment. It was a surprise at the time. It was all to do with me not boiling the kettle at 5 am and filling his thermos for his tea for work. He'd come in rolling drunk at 2 am and then have to be up at 5 am. My working day began later but went on until late at night. I was exhausted.
He did fuck all round the house.
Then he came out with the "less of a woman" thing. Complete and utter disrespectful and lazy prick.
He then left to find a "proper woman"...

Your DH needs telling. As both of you are working then the care of your child and all household chores should be shared. He does not get to waltz off to work, come back, sleep, do fuck all, then go back to work. It would be a different story if you were not working, in which case you could and should be doing the majority of the housework.
But you are both working, both contributing financially therefore the other work must be shared.

You need a serious discussion with him. If he does not buck his ideas up and fast then he should be out on his ear. A grown man who cannot make a sandwich at lunchtime and manage his own hunger is very unattractive and absolutely pathetic.