‘Everything now is posthumous’

[eveisthelady]

Can’t stop thinking about this quote, it’s what Ted Hughes said after Sylvia Plath has killed herself, meaning that real, meaningful life has finished and everything to come is just a shadow. I feel this way after my break up. I can’t actually comprehend that we will never be together again and won’t have children together. It all feels totally pointless now.

Actual quote is “thats the end of my life. The rest is posthumous.”

You will learn to no longer think like that. I promise

How old are you? How long were you in a relationship? Was he your first love?

Ted Hughes married again. He and Carol lived very happily together for 28 years.

I’m 29 and we were together since we were both 19. I don’t know what I want anyone to say, there probably is nothing to say. I just feel grief stricken and haunted by images of him with somebody else and he has already joined a dating app. We have now cut contact completely and last night I had such an urge to message him to say that I hoped he was okay but I promised myself that I’d do 30 days of contact.

Don't torment yourself about the app. Men respond to breakups like this more than women do, on the whole, and it doesn't mean they're over it and ready for love (just look at how many women on these apps say the guy is barely single and totally emotionally unavailable).

It feels like a bereavement because it is. Treat it as such. And as with any bereavement, you will eventually heal and find peace. It won't be the same as before but it will still be all right, the new recalibrated you.

A break up is like a bereavement, you grieve for what might have been and 10 years is a long time but things will get better. You’re 29 and have so many years ahead to meet someone and move forwards. I’ve been there, I’ve felt like things won’t improve but they do. I’ve found that men seem like they’ve moved on quicker but struggle later on, women cry it out more and take their time before moving on. After my last break up I spent a year being single and focusing on myself. Then I went on a few dates and the one I didn’t think would turn into anything actually turned out great and led to a new relationship.

The best thing is no contact and block all social media so you can’t look him up, it’s hard but it really helps. You can’t truly move on if you stay in touch.

Hi, I’m in a similar position. It’s hard, when feeling like this, to realise that life will go on, you will be happy again. I know deep down I will be fine and that he didn’t treat me right but when you have that much history behind you, it’s hard not to look back and only remember all the good times.
I feel ok at the minute, but yesterday I felt physically sick and had the worst anxiety, this feeling of utter despair and loneliness just hit me !!
I’m just trying to take each day at a time and keep myself busy. I’ve also downloaded a calendar app on my phone and I’m going to add in stuff to do from now till Xmas to keep me busy, days out, teas out etc so I have something to look forward to.
It will also be nice for me to focus on myself, I’ve spent the last few years putting myself to the sidelines whilst focusing on family life so now it’s time for me to treat myself, start working out, lose weight, go out more etc