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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just a vent

13 replies

JustDumped · 09/09/2020 14:46

I'm not really after advice as such, more to vent my anger and frustration.

Had a first date with a guy I met on Tinder about a month ago, the date went well, lots of conversation, laughs, banter and a spark!! Things were going well over the last few weeks, lots planned, his birthday (next week) planned. We whatsapp every day and speak on the phone every other day or so.

I had woken up to an abusive voice mail from an ex (this man is blocked but I still receive a voice mail notification) demanding money on Sunday morning. I was feeling a bit shaken so messaged said guy asking if he fancied meeting up for lunch. He replied he was still in bed, very hungover and apologised. I told him to sleep it off and hope he felt better.

I received another voice mail around 2pm from the ex, this time he had clearly had a drink and I was becoming anxious. He has form for turning up on the doorstep unannounced. I spent most of Sunday expecting a knock on the door. Thankfully he didn't.

Monday morning date man messaged good morning as normal saying he still felt rough, probably alcohol poisoning. I'm afraid I wasn't sympathetic and was rather sharp with my reply. I didn't mean too, I'd made the mistake of unblocking ex and found an abusive text so was dealing with that. Date man replied about 6pm, I apologised and he said he would call later that evening.

So he calls, told me I should have mentioned Sunday before the day, he wouldn't have had so much to drink etc and then says something is bothering you what is it? So eventually he gets it out of me, I tell him about ex, he offers support. He tells me about the bar he went on Saturday night with his daughter, I would love it there, he wants to take me but we would have to stay at his house. We finish the conversation, back to normal or so I thought.

I didn't hear anything yesterday so messaged him, he replied, all seemed ok, I replied saying I'd looked up the bar and looked great. I heard nothing from him. Last night on whatsapp he was clearly online. My gut was telling me what I didn't want to hear so sent a message. He was online but clearly ignoring me so called him out on it and he said "I am sorry the connection is no longer there anymore"

As I said, not sure what I am after but feel better for writing it all down.

OP posts:
Itsrainingnotmen · 09/09/2020 14:49

Sadly ex drama is off putting.
Make sure ex stays blocked in future.

JustDumped · 09/09/2020 14:59

@Itsrainingnotmen yes, I do agree with you, the story with ex isn't straight forward either. He is blocked, I unblocked to send a text to tell him to stop the hassle otherwise I would contact the police.

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 09/09/2020 15:06

That's a shame OP. I've ended something early on in very similar circumstances because life is too short to deal with other people's dramas so early in. I hope you meet someone nice and keep that ex out of your life.

yescheese · 09/09/2020 15:06

Sorry about this OP Flowers both the guy ending things and your horrible ex. Maybe the police could help if he is demanding money, turning up uninvited and sending abuse? I second keeping him blocked too and don't listen to any voicemails.

yescheese · 09/09/2020 15:07

cross post, sorry.

Opentooffers · 09/09/2020 15:19

Could be the ex, but there may have been some future faking with new guy. Sounds like you haven't met up for a month since your first meet, why is that? It's likely to lose momentum after such a big gap at the beginning. I'm also being synical here but, when he slept in with a hangover, was he on his own? It's possible he met someone on his night on the lash.

JustDumped · 09/09/2020 15:29

Thank you all for your kind words.

@Opentooffers Maybe I didn't make it clear - saw him couple of times a week, even met my very good friend and her DP who thought he was genuine but who knows? He met up with his daughter and DP on Saturday, she had some good news so they decided to go for cocktails to celebrate. That is what he told me, I'm not naive to think he could've arranged a date or pulled.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 09/09/2020 15:33

unblocked to send a text to tell him to stop the hassle otherwise I would contact the police.

It could easily be coincidence but honestly,
I think I would just skip the step that requires you to unblock and go straight to the police. Regardless of anything else, You shouldn't have to live with that sort of drama from an ex in your life.

troublingtimes · 09/09/2020 15:38

Why is he demanding money? Do you owe him money?

AnaViaSalamanca · 09/09/2020 15:45

Good riddance. A guy who drinks so much that he is still hungover on Monday? A guy who is so volatile that one minute he makes plans with you and the next minute he claims the connection is lost because you were facing issues? A guy so extremely unsupportive? He was a lovebombing prick OP.

Dontletitbeyou · 09/09/2020 16:01

I think a lot of people will back off if it seems there is ongoing ex issues . These kind of situations cause a lot of problems in new relationships , and people think ‘ can I be bothered with it all ‘ . Not your fault , at least you know that he’s no longer on board .
Next time , I think I’d keep any ex issues quiet , at least until you have been together longer and your relationship is stronger . Good luck

Khadernawazkhan · 09/09/2020 16:06

What a complete spanner. All go one moment and then suddenly off the next. Why are there so many disrespectful, lightweight folk out there??

Kimbo180 · 09/09/2020 17:17

Block the two of them the new one doesnt give a shite and as for ur ex keep him blocked.
Your date it only takes 2 seconds to send a text. Id bin him

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