Domestic abuse experience

[Puppy72]

Hi, I'm thinking of writing a book on my ex partner and my relationship with him, there was some harrowing abuse and I just think I need to put pen to paper and get it all out. When writing a book in the hopes of sending it to publishers would you change names? Would he be able to sue me if he ever read the book and knew it was about him? Helpful advice would be great.

Domestic abuse itself is a non statutory definition that is used by the CPS to classify cases. It does not mean it a crime all by itself.

And if you do not believe me, you may track the progress of the domestic abuse bill in Parliament, which does put a definition into law, but not yet, and again, does not make the definition a crime.

No, she's not. She's being pedantic but if you work in law, you have to be. Domestic Abuse is a crime but the term domestic abuse is an umbrella term that covers a range of abuse which is already a criminal offence. Rape, common assault, grievous bodily harm, sexual assault etc. In 2015, a law was introduced that made coercive control a criminal offence.

If you prosecute, and this refers to any criminal offence, you prosecute under the crime. You would prosecute for rape or common assault, you wouldn't prosecute for 'Domestic Abuse' as it covers a lot of different areas.

Exactly. Therefore would rather unwise to write a book on the basis of no criminal conviction and also claiming abuse.

LexMitior Thank you for your comment and also your opinion but do you have to convey in such an aggressive manner then also continue to antagonise?

Par for the course with this poster.

Anyway, I suppose this highlights that to a layperson (of which I am one) "domestic abuse" encompasses many things (including violence/assault/coercion etc.) some of which (to the best of my knowledge) are crimes. I suppose one has to be very specific on definitions and descriptions in a way one is unlikely to be.

Therefore would rather unwise to write a book on the basis of no criminal conviction and also claiming abuse.

Why?

The OP never mentioned criminal convictions?

I get that posters don’t like it. I’m blunt. But I’m not lying to anyone, I give practical points where others give sympathy. And I really wanted to flush out on this board that domestic abuse is not a crime. Women should be careful saying that their ex’s did this without evidence. That may not seem fair or kind, but it saves another kind of trouble which is being sued for slander or libel, which is very clear risk to me.

Op, yes, I would change the names.

That's not strictly true. What many people are calling Domestic Abuse is actually Coercive Control which is a criminal offence.

@LexMitior I don't doubt your knowledge but you've just deviated from the entire point of the thread. I respect your opinion, but your attitude can just go in the bin there's no need to be quite so aggressive and as another user said.. Obtuse. I can't control responses no, but you have no reason to be so deliberately aggressive, you've casted your opinion, I've read it and respected it, move on.

So smashing someone in the face and breaking their nose isn't a crime is it?? Forgive me, I thought that was called assault.

Yes, smashing someone in the face is a crime. You would prosecute that under GBH for example, not 'Domestic Abuse'.

It's just needlessly pedantic though, isn't it? If OP's ex committed a series of crimes against her, does it really matter if we're using the term domestic abuse as an umbrella term for those crimes?

In reality not many people would sue the survivor/author for libel though, would they? And yes, I know abusers do like to "prove a point".....

I was always under the assertion that crimes relating to domestic abuse were the actual offences, domestic abuse is the umbrella term for a lot of offences and behaviours, as one user mentions, coercion and physical assault to name a few. So therefore its categories are criminal offences, but the term itself.. Domestic abuse...isnt directly punishable.

@category12 I agree - that's how I read it.

@lexMitior isn't it fair to say that context in communication is everything. Being pedantic in a courtroom - I get it. But seems a little unnecessary and actually inappropriate in a forum that people come to for support and advice. You know there is a middle ground, right? You don't have to dodge your point but you also dont have to be so unpleasantly brutal. What do you get from that?

@Puppy72 sorry your thread has been derailed by someone with an unhelpful bee in their bonnet.
If you change any identifying information I doubt you would be sued. There are many books on this topic where the identifying details are changed. Write it for you, treat it as a cathartic experience. If you still want to publish after, talk to publishing houses who have handled this kind of topic before so have experience in this area. Good luck and don't let the pedants get you down

I don’t have defend myself to anyone and I don’t intend to start. Half the posters on here are now claiming they understood my point all along.

@Puppy72 - I’m sorry to have upset you. Domestic abuse isn’t a crime, but it can involve criminal behaviour. I would see a good therapist and write your story for yourself. Some of my more therapeutic colleagues would say that is good to do to leave it in the past.

I really wanted to flush out on this board that domestic abuse is not a crime.
I see now that you were making some point of legal definition - but to me, it's important that people coming here suffering abuse feel that there are legal remedies for what's happening - ie. coercive control is now illegal, right, there are crimes committed when you beat up a partner or imprison them etc? And so on, so while your legal point may be correct, I'm not sure what it adds to discussions to say domestic abuse isn't a crime.

Thank you. I think it just doesnt need to turn into a haranguing that's all. We're all grown ups. Domestic abuse is harrowing in itself and if it isn't categorised under an actual crime by that definition then it bloody well ought to be.. I think I'll heed the advice I've been given and write the book to myself and not send off to be published.

Domestic Abuse is a crime - Coercive Control, which is a law written specifically for domestic abuse, is a crime. It is prosecutable under the law. It is prosecuted within the context of domestic abuse or it has no meaning.

If you take someone to court for Coercive Control, you are taking them to court for Domestic Abuse. I am not pretending to understand you, I am attempting to make sense of unnecessary pedantry.

I also agree that telling survivors of abuse they can't prosecute for domestic abuse, is wrong. They can. They can prosecute for Coercive Control, for assault, for sexual assault, for stalking, for harassment, for threats and the list goes on.

These are all crimes. They are all crimes committed within the framework of domestic abuse.