Two 'givers' coming together ...

[littlebitotartan]

Following on from a previous thread, I am interested to know your experiences when two givers get together. I am used to a selfish, self absorbed taker for nearly twenty years and got used to putting myself way down thenpriorty list, trying to appease him so as to keep him
Sweet . I still
Ended up bruised from all the walking on egg shells I did to keep the peace.
So now I've met a giver and I hardly know how to deal with it . I am
Still in fixer/ giver mode and am somewhat overwhelmed because even though I am
So thrilled to be out of that horrible excuse for a
Marriage, this is entirely new to me.
Can these relationships work smoothly ? my marriage is essentially over years but only formally18 months . I wonder if I am
Stuck in some
Sort of habit?

Yes they absolutely can. Same as you. Had a lifetime of emotionally unavailable exploiters which left me traumatised. I am now with a giver and it feels wonderful. We both give equally, I trust him implicitly because he's not selfish. He now lives with me and sharing a life together. Only blip is his 'helpfulness' can be a bit annoying at times but then I am a giver and I am sure my 'helpfulness' could be construed the same. All relationships require work Op but you can't work with selfishness, manipulation and exploitiveness so congratulations on your good luck in finding a giver.

Thanks so much. It's such a change and the cynical part of me wonders of this is really happening to me ! I feel so lucky but definitely stuck in a cycle where I am
Still in my old mode.

Know exactly what you mean. Kept waiting for him to turn into the devil when I first met him and he hasn't so far! Just makes me regret all the years I wasted on a*holes. But that was due to very low self esteem, no boundaries and people pleasing. Lots of therapy and assertiveness training and I was able to sift the wheat from the chafe when I started dating again. I couldn't imagine a life without him now.

I'm really pleased to hear positive stories. I feel bad because I keep waiting for him to show an ulterior motive to kindness and Interedt there is none so far . I don't like feeling like this

I've now been with a giver for 3 years after over 30 years with a taker. It's amazing although it took a bit of getting used to! As a pp said, we sometimes struggle with each others "helpfulness" as neither of us are used to it.
Good luck and enjoy!

Two givers = sharers.

Is not what we call partnership? I have attracted selfish people all my life. I can now spot them from 2 metres away!

Is that

Sorry for typo. Multitasking

I wonder if I am
Stuck in some
Sort of habit?

Yes!! Habits can be broken though :)

If two givers = sharers then great.

Risk of codependency though so just enjoy it but keep an eye on whether it becomes codependent to an unhealthy extent.

Hope you find the love you deserve after the previous bastard

It's wonderful ☺️

Having your needs anticipated without having to ask, having the kindness you show lavished back on you tenfold. Being supported and appreciated.

They're a rare breed but they're out there I promise you....

Don't settle for any more self absorbed, draining takers. A giver is worth the wait.

Thanks very much. It is a wonderful feeling and surprise. To find someone not selfish and thoughtful and who gets kicks from that is a huge relief and a treatwhich is sad really. Make me remember what an emotionally unavailable vampire and moody bastard I spent all those years walking on eggshells with. I'm over the moon !