Why set up a date one evening only to cancel the next morning?

[bathsh3ba]

Just need to vent, really annoyed. Been chatting to this guy on OLD for about two weeks. Chat has come and gone in intensity, I've sensed a few times he is a bit nervous about meeting. Anyway, last night he finally asks me out for this weekend, I accept. This morning he messages me and he hasn't actually cancelled per se but he says he's not sure he's the right man for me and he thinks maybe I should meet someone else. I've replied saying I'd like to meet but it's up to him and he's read it and now gone silent. This is so frustrating! I get that he's probably 'just not that into me' but how can feelings change so much from 10pm one night to 10am the next morning? I seem to only ever be interested in men who chicken out....

Some men just seem to chat rather than meet up.

So maybe he just got cold feet, I guess.

He has cold feet, stupid man. Anyone would think you were going to frogmarch him down the aisle! It was only a first date, for goodness sake, no obligation.

Just ignore him.

Sometimes it's just the attention they want without actually meeting.
His loss that he can't meet to find out but I wouldn't give him another chance so many more to choose from.

If a family member had taken ill or a change in local Covid 19 numbers, I'd understand, but not otherwise.

On the bright side, at least he told you rather than standing you up! Bonus points for that

Nerves? I have agreed to things so many times and then worked myself into a state of anxiety, decided people wouldn't like me and I'd be shit at it, and made a rubbish excuse to pull out.

It could be nerves, a few times before he has seemed about to ask me out, then backed off. And yes, better than being stood up, or ghosted. But still annoying - don't ask someone out if you don't want to meet them, what's so hard about that?!

I think for some it’s an ego boost as well. I’ve recently signed up to OLD again and they seem engaging and interesting, talking about ideas and suggest dates for a first date etc and then they disappear. I just pretend they died!

In your case, I wouldn’t waste any more time to be honest, it might not even be personal. They may not have just been feeling it or didn’t want to make the effort.

I found with a quite a few guys when I did online dating, that they just want a text/ phone friend. When it comes to meeting up they aren't available, either because they are too nervous, they're already attached, they're talking to multiple women or they don't actually want to meet up, you're a time filler, someone to chat to when they're bored but without the effort of physically meeting. I was probably guilty of this myself at times and I'm a woman. I had to really feel a connection for me to even want to meet in the end after so many pointless dates and wasted time.
There will be more men who want to meet so don't let your confidence be knocked by this one man.

He could of lied about what he looks like

Or has low self esteem

He didn't come across as very confident so all these things are very possible - but at the same time, if a guy likes you enough, they overcome these things, right?

Ah well, guess I just delete him from my phone and move on but from our chats, I thought this was a promising one.

Unexpectedly heard something from another date/potential date since asking you out, and is more interested in that.

@RainbowRaine

He could of lied about what he looks like

:-).

Really? He could have, I suppose.

He could have something like social anxiety, wanted to date you but got anxious afterwards. People can't just overcome MH barriers, like anxiety, just because they like someone. If that was the case no one would be shy or feel burnt by the past or be too scared or too anxious to follow through. Maybe he is a jerk who just wanted validation or who got what he felt was a better offer. But maybe he's just human and would like to date you but isn't in the right place right now for this. Maybe his self esteem is really low and he feels you could do better.