Can anyone identify with this?

[Letterbixes]

I’ve had a series of dating and short relationships in the last few years. I’ve got to the point now where I really and truly can’t imagine finding someone I want to be with. I’m not picky but also don’t want to have a partner just to tick a box.

I feel sad about this because i would love a future with someone and to share memories and everything else that comes with it. I’d much prefer it to going through life alone. But...

I’ve given up. I still care about finding someone but I’ve accepted that it just may not happen. It makes me sad and sometimes I panic about it but I no longer think it is something guaranteed and that I have to find by focusing on dating so fully and moping about not having found anyone.
I’m not sure how I’ve got into this state after such a long time of desperately wishing I had what everyone around me seems to have, and I do care about it but in a resigned way now, rather than constant battling to find someone for me. I guess I also feel it’s gone way beyond the age I ever thought I would be before I met someone and it almost seems like it’s not meant to be for me and maybe accepting that is most important now.

Anyone else feel the same? Is it a normal feeling?

It’s so unfair isn’t it. So much depends on pure luck. How old are you OP?

I’m not sure if it’s luck or not...I used to think a lot of it was but I suppose it could be my fault in some way.

I’m so sad about it but also a little relieved to feel resigned to it. I’m nearly 36.

I understand exactly OP. I'm 34 and had a good love life until nearly 3 years ago. since then, its been endless dates that go nowhere, a few short relationships and a couple of frankly odd non-exclusive 'situationships' with nice men I have no common ground who to be honest I have allowed to stick around because of their persistence and because it's nice to have the company sometimes. But because there's no romantic 'spark' for me, I feel like an old lady with a gentleman friend when they visit.

A spell of ill health followed by covid and now a big exam have meant about 18 months out of dating for me. Apart from one bloke who talked solidly about his ex.

To be honest I can't see a nice normal future for me with a man who mutually loves and wants me. It makes me sad as I really want children and don't love the idea of sperm donation.

Are you still actively looking, on OLD etc? If so, perhaps a short break will help? Fatigue from OLD really is a thing.

You don't mention wanting a biological family or not. If you don't, you have all the time in the world to meet a partner so you could take some time out from thinking about this and concentrate on yourself.

If you do, I've heard that paid dating agencies can have good results and really do narrow down a good selection of men for you to meet. Could be worth a try?

Why do you think it could be your fault? You say you are not being overly picky, so do you think you are choosing the wrong types of men eg commitment-phobes?

I remember feeling this way exactly. Fatigued with OLD - every one I met leaving me feeling underwhelmed. All my friends endlessly telling me they couldn't believe I was single. I mourned the marriage and children I would never have. I absolutely felt the same way as you - sad and fed up....so I decided to stop doing it and focus on doing things that I enjoyed. I travelled - signed up for activity holidays on my own, I exercised, I got an allotment, had a.monthly massage etc. Honestly I cheered up enormously and was way happier all round.

Ps. I should also have said that i met my now husband at a work do when i was 40 - I was not expecting it.

I'm in the same situation as you.

As for the short relationships have they occurred because you are not picking up on red flags or have you ended them?

If you have been online dating it's a good idea to take breaks from it because it can be soul destroying.

What 'everyone around you' seems to have surely can't be pure bliss! Roughly 50% of marriages break down and out of the other 50% - how many are just tolerating each other?! Right now, in the context of lockdown/covid divorce rates are 3 times higher than previously, and domestic abuse is on the rise as well. Very few people are happy in a relationship for a long time - it's wonderful when it happens but it's not really that common.