Does anyone else wonder wtf they ever saw in the former partners/husbands?

[Divorcinganarcissist]

I’m really struggling to think why I ever married my husband (soon to be ex). He is an awful man, non existent father, drunk, drug taker, bully amongst other things.

I often wonder what was I thinking, does anyone else? I’ve broken up with one other person after 5 years and although I fell out of love he was a good person.

God I’ve hated him for a long time but not been able to fully acknowledge the hate as he had me trapped in my marriage. It feels good to finally acknowledge the hate I had inside.

Often. I don't know what the hell I was thinking .

Im so sorry for my children that he is their father and I was part of that decision yes to this! How could I have chosen such a low quality man to father my kids when I knew the pain of having one for a dad?! Very hard to forgive myself for that.

I had an amazing father and I should have given that gift to my children, instead they have a narcissistic prick, I’ll never forgive myself but I will fight for them as best I can.

I was actually just thinking about this the other day. I ran into my "main" ex, had a pleasant conversation, he looks good (probably better than he did when we were a couple) and it was all very nostaligic and nice. It got me thinking about my other exes (have a few, was a bit free with my favours when in my 20s ) and ended up feeling quite ill and wondering wtf I was thinking back in the day! Arseholes, pricks and wankers, most of them. I went so far as to conclude that the ex I was chatting to and my OH now are the only two i would have any time for if i was to live my life again, knowing what I now know. The rest can get to fuck....

Im so sorry for my children that he is their father and I was part of that decision yes to this! How could I have chosen such a low quality man to father my kids when I knew the pain of having one for a dad?! Very hard to forgive myself for that.

yeah. And there was I, really thinking we had a match of minds.

He matched me for low self-esteem, desperation and an inability to be alone. Happily I've grown out of all that, and him. He hasn't.

Do they ever really grow up? Mine is still talking the same crap, the same arguments from over a decade ago. He speaks like a child and has no concept of others, just himself, pathetic really.

I think I grew up over the years with him (forcibly) because I was very naive when I met him. I grew up and away and he is still a little boy who didn’t want me to go so tried to bring me back down. It just got so ridiculously childish after a while, bringing up decade old arguments and put downs.

Yes.

An ex boyfriend of mine. We were together in my late 20s/early 30s for around three years. The relationship was good at first and he really sucked me in. He was charming, attentive, interested in me etc. All the qualities I wanted and I fell for him.

As soon as we were a stable couple his true colours started to peek through. He would be critical, dismissive, laugh at me, would sometimes barely speak to me. His hot and cold behaviour would drive me up the wall. But... I stayed. I loved him and didn't want to leave.

He was very push and pull and would regularly stonewall me if I dared say something that he didn't like.

Thankfully I got out but why the fuck did I love him? I look back a few years on now and shake my head. At the time I was head over heels for him.

Unfortunately I've recently come out of a relationship with another man who had similar traits come the end so I'm now focusing on myself with therapy etc before I go into another relationship.

My ExH was a nasty little shit who pursued me until I said yes. I was flattered by his protestations of undying love that disappeared once we were married, although he was physically very attractive he became very ugly in my eyes very soon. He destroyed my self esteem.

My luck was in the day I met my current DH.

I'm sure my flaps try to curl up inside when thinking about my ex because he's so repulsive. God knows what I was thinking.

My ex for sure. He looks plastic, like a Ken doll, and is a nasty bastard. He has a huge cock but then he is a huge cock, so its appropriate. I am so glad we split all those years ago. My lovely DH was so much sexier.

@mingeofdeath 🤣

Reading this gives me hope especially Macaroni s post.

I am in the midst of a separation. Married 23 years together for 27. Have been subjected to coercive control for years. He is now raging that I am due half of the house his pension etc. He radiates anger. I was a full time mum initially and then worked part time. He so resents this. Anyway long story short he's making life hell for me right now. Can't wait to be rid of him. He's an abusive selfish idiot. My kids had a fab childhood mainly down to me.

Yes I totally wonder what I saw in him . He should come with a warning label

Now, my xh is an utter cock, whose behaviour is so contemptible I wonder how he can exist in society. However, when I first met him, he was funny, kind, romantic and had no red flags at all. I totally know what I saw in him and that meant I stayed with him far longer than I should have, hoping beyond hope he would revert to the previous person. Now, if I could accidentally trap his head in a meat grinder, I would do it.

I must’ve been insane

Would me nice to have an ex that you could still be civil with and co-parent...but nope, mine is a childish twat!

I saw them when I was younger and less wise. So I get what I saw in them at that point in my life.

Most of my exes I think of fondly, but there was one particular one who makes my skin crawl whenever I think of him. Wtf was I thinking of?