Abusive husband in new relationship

[StartingAgainat31]

I'm not sure what I'm asking here really, more looking for some love. I ended my abusive 14 year relationship (4 year marriage) 2 months ago. Within a couple of weeks I had the feeling he was seeing someone else. Well yesterday he confirmed it with a message of;

"Just so you know (but I'm sure you know anyway), I've met someone. I'm not saying it to make you feel bad, but I guess you should probably find out from me."

Obviously feeling angry and disgusted. I confronted him about it a few months ago when I first suspected, and believed he had introduced our 2 year old to this woman. All i asked if that when we both found someone new, we both agreed not to involve our dd until it was very serious. He went ballistic at me, calling me all the names under the sun and telling me i had no right to say anything, and denied he was in a new relationship (I actually hadn't asked if he was, just wanted to agree on this in the event we did find other partners).

I believe he has been forced to saying something to me, as they both work at the same school and have obviously returned after the summer. I also used to work at the school, and still have some loyal friends, who would likely have told me themselves.

Despite me ending it for entirely good reasons, this hurts like nothing else.

Just a bit of a sympathy post. We also accepted an offer on our house yesterday, so its been an emotional time.

It hurts because it makes you feel he has moved on so easily. If he is abusive he is just looking for the next one. He should have more care re introducing your dd to someone but she is very young thankfully.

I’m very alarmed that a person like that is working in a school..?

You are bound to be sad and emotional but you’ve clearly come far. Dont look back, look forward.

Abusive men do move on quickly op. It's frustrating and upsetting because the abused person will usually spend a long time putting themselves back together and recovering , while the abuser skips off to find their next victim.

Be kind to yourself.

I’m very alarmed that a person like that is working in a school..?

He won't be the only one. Abusive people are drawn to positions of power and influence, especially roles with access to vulnerable people and/or that will lead to people disbelieving the victim ("oh, but a teacher would not do xyz!").

It's common. Nothing is done. Because the reputations of men are too important to give any value to the voices of victims.

I’m very alarmed that a person like that is working in a school..?

No he's definitely not the only one. My ex was abusive/ aggressive and works in a school.

Sounds really tough OP . I know it's hard, but just keep your eye on how much happier you will be when you are properly away from this marriage and living on your own terms and in your own place.

OP, this is proof, if ever you need it, that your Ex doesn't see women as people. He sees them as accessories: decorative, useful and instantly replaceable.

I was thinking the same as pp ..abusive and working in a school. The thing is not enough women report the abuse so it continues and doesn't affect the jobs of these abusers.

I know someone whose H is a social worker and he's abusive... if she was reported it and it was proved... he would be dismissed

Abusive behaviour makes him unsuitable for the role he does...but she's scared of him.

You get abusive police officers, doctors etc...but the women are not willing/frightened to report it.

I've actually had one friend day he would lose his job... so she continues to take the abuse and will never report him.

She had had the bruises and cuts to support the abuse... as well as hospital admission...but so she stays.

Healthy relationships and boundaries dorks be part of the school curriculum...because far to many people accept these relationships as normal.

Abusive men panic when they no longer have a woman under their control, so it's no surprise at all that he's moved on so quickly. What a bastard of a man.

No surprise he works in a school. There are many like him.
If they aren't reported or followed up nothing changes.
Abusive men move on very quickly. They can't function without a partner, meanwhile you're left putting yourself back together.
You will and your life will be so much better without this waster.

Will your child be going to this school when older? You would need to talk to the school at some point if this is the case.

My ex is a headteacher. Abusive at home and charming at work. He was , of course, having an affair with one of his teachers. Happens a lot.