I think I’m really posting here to be given permission to leave my partner. He’s a good and kind person, caring and supportive. He looks after all our finances, works and earns more than me and is generous and unquestioning about how I spend money.
BUT he’s also kind of useless. For example he stays in bed with a cup of tea and his breakfast until 9am every morning when he logs on for work. He worked from home even before Covid so this is a long term pattern. I get the 2 dc ready and out to school or breakfast club if I’m working. He’ll shout bye.
I do absolutely everything to do with cooking, shopping, laundry, organising kids activities, clothing etc. I do almost all the other cleaning. I work 3 days so with the dc at school I do have time to myself in which to do these jobs. But I still don’t like it. I feel under pressure to keep things to a certain standard. It’s even worse at the moment because I’m still furloughed and now the dc are back at school he would like me to do things like repaint the kitchen.
We haven’t had sex for 4 years. This started when he had health problems but it’s got to a stage where I just don’t want to have sex with him. He feels like another child sometimes. I take care of all his needs. He says he couldn’t be more accommodating of me, meaning I have free time and I can do what I like with it. I can but I know he’d rather I was doing home improvements and keeping the house cleaner and tidier.
The dc have a loving relationship with him and he adores them but he’s almost like an older sibling sometimes rather than a father. They bicker over daft things and he takes it personally and gets upset if they do something he doesn’t like. He almost never takes them out anywhere on his own, maybe twice a year. He says he just prefers to be at home.
I had an affair 2 years ago which is over but we’re still in contact. I want to leave. I have somewhere I can go. He will never leave the family home. When I tell him this he makes me feel incredibly guilty. He says I’m depressed and need help. He knows about the affair but I think would forgive me literally anything. I have a strong desire to rekindle things with my affair partner. I’d have to leave to do that as he will not see me otherwise.