Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

what to do? feelings aren't going away

10 replies

noclue452 · 07/09/2020 23:05

I met a guy about a year ago through friends and there was an instant attraction and chemistry. I had a boyfriend at the time, but we split in January.

Fast forward to march/April just before lockdown and we're talking a lot on facetime and messaging a lot. It was a pretty casual thing and fairly sexual too, but it was obvious we liked each other a bit too. Things were going well until I had a bit of trouble with my mental health in may/june and became a bit moody and not myself. This seemed to scare him away a bit, understandably. We still speak a little bit, maybe a convo or two a week, but not nearly as much as we used to. No facetimes or phonecalls anymore. He doesn't initiate conversation usually, it's often me, but when we do speak, it's friendly and nice. I did apologise for being moody and he seemed accepting but not bothered about continuing things.

When I first met him I put the butterflies and attraction down to lust and ignored it. But to this day, whenever I think about him I literally feel sick with butterflies and my heart just pounds. This has gone on for a year now and I feel like I can't ignore it anymore. I just feel scared to say anything incase he finds me annoying or irritating, plus he lives 2-3 hours away so it's not like I can just go and see him. But the constant butterflies are driving me mad and honestly, I haven't been able to get him off my mind even after a year. I think about him most days, for most of the day. So what on earth do I do? Do I tell him??

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 07/09/2020 23:09

Just bite the bullet and ask if he wants to meet up.

noclue452 · 07/09/2020 23:12

just feel I ruined it when I had the chance 😬

OP posts:
IlovecatsyesIdo · 07/09/2020 23:12

You could tell him but be prepared as it sounds like he is no longer interested.
He doesn’t sound like someone you could rely on if he is put off at the first hurdle. I think you would be better off trying to forget about him and moving on TBH.

AuntyPasta · 07/09/2020 23:13

’No facetimes or phonecalls anymore. He doesn't initiate conversation usually, it's often me, but when we do speak, it's friendly and nice. I did apologise for being moody and he seemed accepting but not bothered about continuing things.’

It sounds like he’s done

noclue452 · 07/09/2020 23:13

You're probably right yeah, I did think that. But I've spent the last 4-5 months trying to forget about him and I'm still sat thinking about him 24/7 and he still gives me butterflies and bloody sweaty palms 😂

OP posts:
Iamthewombat · 07/09/2020 23:14

Forget about him. This is an intervention!

You were a booty call. He didn’t mind a few saucy texts and calls but that’s it, as far as I can see.

Did you tell him that you were having mental health problems? Or was it simply that he got a bit bored and you’ve ascribed it to you being ‘a bit moody and not myself’?

Most likely, he has moved on. You’re initiating the messaging and he’s responding, but not enthusiastically. He probably doesn’t want any awkwardness because you have mutual friends.

Do not contact him to tell him that he gives you constant butterflies and you can’t get him off your mind etc etc. You already know that he isn’t interested. Why put yourself through it? He’ll run a mile.

Find somebody else who likes you and is interested in more than sexy texts.

longcoffeebreak · 07/09/2020 23:14

Sounds like it could be a bit unhealthy on your part if I'm honest. I tend to find that level of obsessing is a sort of escape. What is nice about him?

Iamthewombat · 07/09/2020 23:16

But I've spent the last 4-5 months trying to forget about him and I'm still sat thinking about him 24/7 and he still gives me butterflies and bloody sweaty palms 😂

This is the time to let your head rule your heart. An adult woman should not be thinking about a man who isn’t interested in her, 24/7 for months.

edwinbear · 08/09/2020 09:56

He's lost interest OP, you were a distraction and a bit of fun for a while but he's moved on. You really need to do the same, stop initiating contact with him, I guarantee he won't contact you and you'll slowly forget about him. It will get easier when you're not constantly checking your phone for messages and thinking up reasons to text him. I'm in a similar position, it's gutting, but two weeks down the line I'm definitely making progress and a bit less obsessed!

seensome · 08/09/2020 10:27

If he lived closer I'd say just ask him out but realistically 2-3 hours away is a big deal, you wouldn't see much of each other anyway, best way to get over someone is stop contact, to talk to other men, allow the opportunity to find someone else, you will have the butterfly feeling again.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page