Getting family home sold - need ideas!

[Brasstacks2020]

Good solid practical advice needed please, I'm trying to keep a clear head and not be emotionally led in my response.

Split up five years ago, divorce came through three years ago. We have joint custody of two boys, see each other once a week, amicable state of affairs. I moved out of the family home 18 months ago and we share the cost of my rent. It was supposed to be a short term solution until we sold the family home. Ex has been dragging his heels on selling (in keeping with his normal behaviour, 'if in doubt, do nothing').

Ex very resistant to any type of change, especially when it comes to home space. A typical scenario is me asking him to tidy up so we can put the house on the market. He'll ask for a couple of weeks to do it, promise he'll take time off, say he can't take time off, take the time off and do no cleaning because of some engineered other crisis or distraction. We'll argue, he'll emotionally blackmail and deflect, ask me not to push and promise he'll get on with it. This is played out repeatedly and I'm feeling a bit stupid for being so patient. These issues are the reason we divorced.

I went round last week and things are getting worse, boxes all over, dirty and untidy, clutter has increased. I don't think he's coping and I don't know what to do. He won't admit there's a problem, says he's too busy at work and will get around to it. How do I move things on? We need to sell by June 2021, feel like I'm running out of time.

I've offered him a number of solutions to move things forward: to come and clean up, to help him move out and I'll get the house ready for sale etc but he insists he'll do it himself.

Who can I ask for help - mediator, estate agent, life coach? I want to cut financial ties with him and buy my own house as soon as possible, especially now the housing market has improved.

I feel so stuck and don't know what to do to move things forward.

1. Legally I can force a sale but that's my least preferred option (cost and conflict)
2. Call his bluff and put it on the market in a filthy state and we both lose money on sale

Any firm, sensible advice you clever lot can give me?

Why don't you swap homes and he rents and you move back in and sort the house?

Because my rented house is way smaller than our family home and he won't fit all his hoarded stuff into it. Also, it would mean him moving twice (into rented, then into forever home) and for someone who hates change, that'll be too much for him.
Should I care less about what's 'difficult' for him?

I think you need to get firm and give him an ultimatum. If nothing happens by that very clear date and you should put it in writing and be very clear about what you expect. You'll probably have to pay for legal advice and a court order.

I think you would benefit from legal advice. What were the terms of the financial settlement of your divorce?

And yes - you should not care in the least what's "difficult" for him. Not least because it seems everything is difficult!

I'd be seeing the solicitor about what can be done to move things along.

There's no real reason he can't swap houses with you as a temporary measure. He doesn't need to move all his crap in, it can be boxed and kept in a storage facility until he buys a new place. He just needs some clothing and personal items for a couple of months.

That way, you can 'unclutter' the house, ready for going on the market.

If he's resistant on that, I'd be getting the solicitor to write to him to point out that he's going to suffer financially by not having the house looking it's best when it's for sale.

I would swap homes. If all his hoard doesn't fit in your house it's too bad. Once you are in you can then sort it and sell it. Or it sells as it is. I think those are your only choices. He is avoiding doing anything for as long as possible because he probably doesn't want to move