NC'd for this. I really really need some advice/clear, impartial views on this if anyone could please help!
DH and I. Together 5 years, married since November. He has 4 children from his previous marriage we see 50/50, none of my own, we have a great relationship and no issues with kids who I care for very much. All good.
Last night he came home from a works night after I picked him up. We were on the sofa and I asked him if he'd seen a funny video I sent him via whatsapp. He said no, he hasn't got any messages from me, or anyone. He says all his whatsapp chats have deleted, even the group chats which have been emptied of messages and just show the date he was added. He becomes kind of evasive when I ask him what he means and can I see, he says "It's just deleted all of them" and I had to ask at least three times before he would show me. It was empty of all one to one chats and like I said the groups were just "You were added by *** on June 2019" or whatever. He didn't seem that bothered or shocked. It was weird. I know it wasn't like that at least 20 mins before because he'd been replying to me about picking him up etc.
It was like when it factory resets or something?
So this felt really weird and something felt 'off'. He was being kind of over the top jovial as well, like he was trying to distract me. I can't explain it.
So I googled if that's something WhatsApp can do, just delete everything out of the blue. I was on his installed apps and found one called 'Secure Folder' and googled it. It's a secure app that is automatically installed on a Samsung phone that you can use to move apps, photos, different chats. (If you have a samsung phone you can find it just by searching 'Secure Folder' and it will come up)
But here's the rub.
It showed this app was last used 13 weeks ago. To be showing as used and to have the option to move photos to this secure folder (which his does) you have to create a log in, with a passcode/pin or fingerprint.
So last night when I found this app I didn't know it was automatically installed and...well....I lost my shit. Fair to say i didn't follow the timeless MN advice of biding my time, getting all information, I was just so shocked and sad. So I didn't look in the app because it looked to me like it was uninstalled (not knowing it was because it's a system app)
I regret that so much now.
Anyway so a massive argument ensues, he is in turn silent, mocking and incredulous. There were times I thought I'd got through to him. I said whatever it is just tell me we will work it out etc etc, and he went very quiet and looked like he was about to come clean to something.
But he never did.
I got his mum to come and pick him up and he stayed there tonight.
He was back this morning and, well, he says he doesn't know how all the messages deleted and he has never used the secure folder. He said he, his mum and stepdad all have it on their phone and they all looked into it when he was there last night.
When I said to him he would have had to have created an account on it to show as being used 13 weeks ago he said "I must have done it not knowing what it is, out of curiosity"
He is very into his phone, it was around this time he got a new upgrade so I guess that's plausible.
Oh god. Can someone please hand me some more straws to clutch??
Why didn't he say all this last night? Why didn't he ask me to explain what app, what did I mean, where is it, what is it??
But I believe him. I think. I don't know. He seems so contrite. He's sworn on mine and his kids lives. He says we should go to counselling. I have apologised.
I'm sorry this is so long. Anyone who has read this far. Please help.