What the hell is going on

[Gjk917463]

NC for this post as could be quite outing but really need some advice.

I’m in a relationship with a great, kind, sexy guy. Been together for a year but for many reasons, on both sides, we have chosen to keep it entirely to ourselves (I am happy with this and suits me fine). We are both divorced and have been for many years.

Issue is his ex has now split from her long term partner. Its been a difficult breakup for her and and he is helping her through it. Problem is Ex is now spending more time with partner than I am and staying over in his house (spare room) on multiple occasions. This would be fine except his level of contact with me has reduced dramatically and now we go for days with no contact and when he does contact it’s to arrange to meet mostly for sex every other week or so.
I don’t want to appear controlling or horrible that he shouldn’t be supportive to his ex but I can’t help feeling that he is gravitating back to her. Or maybe I’m just being entirely used for sex whilst she is now fulfilling his needs for companionship. Should I just walk away or do I try to sort it out? I don’t want a relationship that is sex every other week and nothing else.

It seems sometimes when a man is dumped by an ex if that ex turns up/calls them, then go running. It appears he hasn't completely broken free of her and she knows that.

Is she in the spare room? Or is that what he tells you?

I feel for you. It appears that you are being used. I currently feel used in my relationship and will be meeting him for lunch int he week to end it. It's not a nice feeling at all.

Good luck and find someone better.

Thanks for all your replies, I just needed to hear that from someone else. There are genuine reason that we BOTH want to keep our relationship secret. It is not just him and I know it sounds bizarre but it is just complicated. His Ex ended his marriage after an affair she had, lasting many years. They have been split for 5 years and I have been split with my partner for 6. We both have good relationships with our ex’s as young children are involved in both sides. All that said, I won’t be treated like a doormat and I think the easiest thing to do is just finish it. I’ll be upset but I’ll get over it. At least I won’t feel like shit all the time.

Whatever the ins and outs of their domestic arrangement and his feelings (or lack of) for her, he's prioritised his ex over you. Dealbreaker.

You are making the right decision OP, well done, I know it will be hard.

I think he’s got back with his ex.

I ended it today. Desperately sad. It hurts like hell.

Wtf!!!!

He is probably sleeping with you both.

No way should you put up with that crap.

You did the right thing. But sometimes the right thing is just so bloody hard.

Julie879 Thanks, it is, so hard when I can’t confide in anyone either but I guess we’ve all been there at one point or another.

I totally get that, although is there nobody you could retrospectively tell about the relationship? I know if you were my friend and you were going through a hard time I would want to know.

@Gjk917463

I ended it today. Desperately sad. It hurts like hell.

It’s painful but I think you’ve done the right thing. You are worth more than this man was willing to give. You deserve to be a priority. As the saying goes, ‘if a person treats you like an option, remove yourself from the equation’. Pamper yourself and make yourself your top priority until you are ready to start dating again.

Good luck OP.

Good job! You did the right thing.
It sounds like he was waiting for her to return.