Changing Daughters surname

[Justnoisewhitenoise]

Hi Mumsnetters..
I have a question if I may.
I've left a very violent relationship, my exH is now estranged from our DC.. I would like to change my daughters surname to mine but over the past few days I've been wrestling with my conscience.. I do not want to let how he treated me cloud my judgement on what is best for my children.. However, my DC both witnessed him violently attacking me on numerous occasions.. He attacked me during both pregnancies.. Both children are scared of him.. He played no part in their upbringing whilst we were under the same roof and he will not provide financially towards them either.. I feel no loyalty in keeping his family name.. I've been reading up on deed poll and because I've fled DV and there's an active non molestation order in place I would be able to change my childrens surnames without a court order or his consent.
I just need some opinions and to recognise I'm doing the right thing for my children and not doing it irrationally because of how he treated me.

Do it! You don't necessarily need to change your children's surnames to yours. You could have fun handpicking a lovely new one together and starting afresh!

I'm not sure what benefit the dc get from his name? He's a violent abuser who has no interest in his child. I would change it in a heartbeat.

Do it.

I am glad that you and your kids were able to get away from that scum. Choose a new name for the kids, show them this really is a totally fresh start for all of you. I think its a great idea.

They deserve not to have his surname.

I have my mums surname and my mum and dad are still together. Nothing wrong with having your mums surname but there is something wrong with being stamped with the name of a man who terrorized you and your mum. Change it.

How old is your daughter? If she is older she may not consider the surname his name but rather her name and so may not want to change it.

If she wants to change her name, or is very young, I say go for it!

The only thing to me is whether it should be your decision or your DCs, which would depend on their age.

So my daughters nearly two.. So I think if I'm going to do it I need to do it now.. I want to change it to my surname because I have the same surname as my dad, and my dad is just such a wonderful grandad and he adores my daughters and I think it would be so nice to have our family name. I do just worry of my exH reaction though.. Its almost like I'd be cutting him out of her life completely by doing this.. And also I make the effort to keep in touch with his family I always said after splitting up DC would be part of their lives through me and not him.. I think I just don't want DC having his surname because primarily he has done nothing to contribute to the upbringing and that surname reminds me of all the years of abuse from him and my children are nothing like him.. I just want to make sure that I'm doing the right thing for them and not me x

I'd do it now while she's young.
My daughter always had my name because I didn't want her having her dads name dragging her down.

Yeah at the time of registering her I thought it was just the done thing but now I regret it. I think all in all I am doing the right thing by changing her surname for her sake and not mine x

I'd do it, and would have done if my DC had the age of yours when I left my ex.

As they are teens, they decided not to change in the end, as it's their name now, and they already have passports.

I think I'm going to do it. Will talk to my solicitor tomorrow but I think I can just do it myself. :)

You definitely should do it OP.

Is it just your daughter who has his name?

It's how he treated them. He abused them.

Legally you can't without his permission.

@titchy I thought that also. But it states quite clearly on the deed poll website if a mother has fled DV and the father cannot know her whereabouts and if there's an active non molestation order in place then the mother doesn't need a court order or his permission.

Yes just daughter that has his surname.. I just don't want her to hate me in the future but I don't doubt she'll one day find out exactly how he behaved

Because of the level of abuse after we fled, we've reloceted and he has no idea where we are. There's also a non molestation order in place he can't contact me or my daughter x

Relocated*

[quote Justnoisewhitenoise]@titchy I thought that also. But it states quite clearly on the deed poll website if a mother has fled DV and the father cannot know her whereabouts and if there's an active non molestation order in place then the mother doesn't need a court order or his permission.[/quote]
There a loads of websites claiming to be 'the deedpoll office'. They are not. They are companies trying to get money off you. The only official website is the .gov one which specifically says permission is needed from all with PR, or a court. There is no other legal option.

I will talk to the solicitor about it tomorrow. He won't give me his permission I already know that.