How to get past the Ick in a marriage?

[JammyGem]

I have no idea where it's come from, but since having DD I've been less and less sexually attracted to DH, and in the past few months I have noticed that almost everything he does irritates me. He's had a bad cough recently and keeps doing that horrible hocking up phlegm thing, which makes me feel sick everytime he does it. It's snowballed from there, and now everytime he comes near me I just want to push him away. Little things that didn't bother me now really wind me up. I used to love that he was so passionate about his career and making sure what he did at his job was perfect, whereas now I just wish he'd shut up about work because it's turned into moaning about how everyone else at work does everything wrong. The way he'd mishear what I say used to make me smile, now I just get annoyed. I used to think it was sweet how he'd give me advice when cooking, whereas now I just want him to leave me alone to get on with it myself.

I've come across the "ick" before, but that's been during dating. How do I work through it in a marriage? We had sex for the first time in months the other night, and I was able to pretend all was fine (I don't want sex with him but I feel bad for him because he's always horny, so it's a case of fake it till I make it) but I had to stop after 5 minutes as I got the noise of him hocking stuck in my head and felt sick.

I don't want to throw our relationship away just because I suddenly find a lot of things he does repulsive. It's not his fault, he hadn't changed, it's me. I've also realised that a lot of our relationship seemed to revive around sex and now that our sex life is pretty much non-existent it feels like our marriage is down the pan. Any advice on how I can fix this?

Personally I was unable to get past the ick in my first marriage but I could feel it coming for a while and I really tried to ask him to stop some of the awful habits, make more effort etc. Ultimately he didn’t change anything and it only added to the feeling for me.
I would try as nicely as possible to raise some of these issues and tell him how they make you feel.

All of you saying farting is disgusting, I'm fascinated. Do you have complete control over when and where you fart? I don't. Never have. How do you learn to do that without damaging yourself?

The coughing up phlegm is grim and constant work chat very dull.
I think you're going to have to be very frank about it.
Agree with PP, don't shag him if you don't want to.

I think it's rather common for women to go off their partners once they've had a child. I suspect it's some primitive reason. We don't hear much about it because I think there is a lot of shame attached to feeling this way. Maybe it's time for women to be more honest.

I think it’s primitive too

I had an ex who did this bloody disgusting hawking up phlegm and constant throat clearing and it made me feel sick. I don’t think you can come back from this unless he can stop. I’m so glad I don’t have to hear this in my house any more. Eurgh.

@tickertyboo

I think it's rather common for women to go off their partners once they've had a child. I suspect it's some primitive reason. We don't hear much about it because I think there is a lot of shame attached to feeling this way. Maybe it's time for women to be more honest.

Well, he has biologically served his purpose hasn't he? So I think this is a real test on wether you liked them for them or you just wanted to breed and have done.

This is why you need to put the work in, on both sides. Or move on.