"Kids Play date" or "adult play date"

[asdmum20]

Posted about this already but everyone focused more on making sure I'm not getting reeled in and hurt than the question at hand so I'm posting it again.

I've known a guy for a long time (important info), we dated back when we were in our teens and stayed in touch.

Without getting too far into it, He's asked me randomly for a play date for our kids. The last time he asked me I was with my ex husband and nothing ever came of it - that was a year ago.
We are now both single parents with kids the same age.

There have been signs that he's interested but I'm curious as to everyone else's opinion on the signs to look out for when he's in front of me. It's not your usual scenario where a Normal guy is interested. Should I look at how he interacts with my kids or if he pays a lot of attention to me? Etc.
I'm so out of this game that I literally need to be pointed in the right direction here.

I don't want to go into it thinking that it's deeper than a play date. I'm just going to play it cool and see how it pans out. Either way, I'm happy for our kids to play. In saying that, my gut feeling is that it's more about us having a "play date" in a sense, than the kids.

When you have play dates in general, are they more for the parents than the kids?

Would love some thoughts.

TIA

Generally when I organise a play date its because my son has been on at me because he knows that particular child from school/the playground. In that case it is definately for the kids. In other cases it might be that I know someone from before that my kids dont know and they say lets get together with the children. In that case its for the children as we hope theyd have a nice time, but its also for us as adults. So in your case, since I assume your children dont know each other its likely he is suggesting it at least in part because he wants to spend time with you. Its also possible hes doing it though because he wants to expand his childrens social circle a bit (if they are young then this is more likely) or maybe most of the childrens friends are more attached to the mum. Actually its also possible that he finds it harder to arrange play dates as a single dad than a mum would.
So I think its certainly possible hes doing it because he liiiikes you but I would go into it with an open mind. It might just be that he wants another adult he gets on with to chat with and I thats fair enough too.

In summary - I agree playing it cool and seeing how it pans out is a good strategy!

Playing it cool and seeing how it pans out is the best strategy.

As to whether a play date is for the children or for the adults - it depends on the adults who are involved. Quite often, where the adults know each other, the play date is also regarded as a pleasant social opportunity for the adults as well as for the children. When my two were younger, the play date was often as much for me as for them!

As PP said - he may also, as a man, be finding it harder to arrange play dates. A male friend of ours who was an SAHP (the mildest mannered and least threatening guy imaginable) once shared that he had noticed some (not all) of the school mums seemed unwilling to arrange play dates with him, perhaps because they thought it might somehow be misunderstood, and he didn't tend to see the other school dads.

Try to avoid reading anything into it and try to avoid looking for signals as to what he is intending as that is likely to make the experience more awkward then you want it to be. I think the best way to take the pressure off is to treat it as if a fellow mum had suggested a play date. If you seem to get on well, you can suggest another play date in a few weeks time. Maybe at some point you and he will even graduate to adult playdates unsupervised by your DCs...

Don't play dates usually mean leaving the kids with one or other of the parents and the other one fucking off for the afternoon?

@category12

Don't play dates usually mean leaving the kids with one or other of the parents and the other one fucking off for the afternoon?

Yes but he won't be leaving. Our kids are all under 4.

I'd assume that the primary reason for the playdate is for the kids to play. And I'd use it also to assess whether he is worth being interested in/ whether he is good enough for you.

Please don't go into it fretting about what he thinks of you, its really needy and the worst possible way to position yourself. He is the one who should be showing you whether he is worth your attention.

@Dery

Playing it cool and seeing how it pans out is the best strategy.

As to whether a play date is for the children or for the adults - it depends on the adults who are involved. Quite often, where the adults know each other, the play date is also regarded as a pleasant social opportunity for the adults as well as for the children. When my two were younger, the play date was often as much for me as for them!

As PP said - he may also, as a man, be finding it harder to arrange play dates. A male friend of ours who was an SAHP (the mildest mannered and least threatening guy imaginable) once shared that he had noticed some (not all) of the school mums seemed unwilling to arrange play dates with him, perhaps because they thought it might somehow be misunderstood, and he didn't tend to see the other school dads.

Try to avoid reading anything into it and try to avoid looking for signals as to what he is intending as that is likely to make the experience more awkward then you want it to be. I think the best way to take the pressure off is to treat it as if a fellow mum had suggested a play date. If you seem to get on well, you can suggest another play date in a few weeks time. Maybe at some point you and he will even graduate to adult playdates unsupervised by your DCs...

Our kids have never met, my son is 4 and he cannot speak.

This guy lives an hour away so he's travelling a fair way to come and see us for a play date. I know that he's got a few friends that have kids too so he could have play dates with them but he's choosing to do it with me.

Yes I'm going in open minded and not hopeful for anything more. It will be what it will be I guess

@yetanothernamitynamechange

Generally when I organise a play date its because my son has been on at me because he knows that particular child from school/the playground. In that case it is definately for the kids. In other cases it might be that I know someone from before that my kids dont know and they say lets get together with the children. In that case its for the children as we hope theyd have a nice time, but its also for us as adults. So in your case, since I assume your children dont know each other its likely he is suggesting it at least in part because he wants to spend time with you. Its also possible hes doing it though because he wants to expand his childrens social circle a bit (if they are young then this is more likely) or maybe most of the childrens friends are more attached to the mum. Actually its also possible that he finds it harder to arrange play dates as a single dad than a mum would. So I think its certainly possible hes doing it because he liiiikes you but I would go into it with an open mind. It might just be that he wants another adult he gets on with to chat with and I thats fair enough too.

Yes our children have never met. He also lives around an hour away so it will be a good ol' trip just to come and see us for a play date.

I also told him 5 months ago that I found him very attractive and made it clear that I was interested and now this is happening

I find this a bit strange to go into a play date potentially scoping each other out to see if you're interested in each other.

I hope that if something does come of it and you start dating that you will do it the proper way away from the kids until you're sure about each other.