However busy you are, shouldn't you have time for friendship?

[fisil]

I started a light hearted thread some time ago about a friend who sends round robin e-mails throughout the year with everyone's personal message added on the bottom. I don't like it - if she has enough time to attach photos, write a long e-mail and write personal notes, she could surely also e-mail them separately rather than to everyone together?

I just received an e-mail from her with a link which is clearly to a joke site. It says "go to this site [link] If you haven't heard from me in some time this is me keeping in touch."

I just don't think there is much point in making the effort in this friendship! We are supposed to be bessie mates - I was maid of honour at her wedding last year etc. But ...!

Having moved lots of times I've collected and mislaid many friends over the years. I feel as Jojo does and enjoy the friendships while I can. I make a lot of effort to keep up with people but sometimes things just fade away for whatever reason (or none at all). What has surprised me over the years is how wrong I've been when predicting who would stay in touch and who we'd lose contact with. It's often turned out to be quite the opposite of my thoughts!

I am saddened by remarks along the lines of 'they were the ones who chose to leave'. It seems a very parochial attitude, to me. Unfortunately, it's one my brother seems to have adopted; he hasn't been in touch for months and I've only just found out my niece is expecting her first baby this month. I've written/emailed regularly, sent photos, birthday presnts but had no response. It's got so I don't even bother to see him when we go down south, we have other people I'd rather see.

have been very glum over last couple of weeks over absence of friends since i had my baby, and more specifically, since became single mother. couldnt work out why they were here wanting to help and support...

i always try to be pro-active and supportive to my chums, and was feeling lonely and let down

but i am wondering whether it is a lot to expect friends to just 'know' you need them - i mean we might think it obvious, and clearly when they have babies.... but in the meantime, i think it is important to allow them the space to fgure it out and come back to you
i a sure real friendships come and go, to some extent... and ideally we woudl be able to tell them when we need them.

Arr fisil sorry you feel this way. It makes me sad that you say you're supposed to be bf's and because you make more effort you think it may be easier to leave the friendship go, that's so sad. She may not be putting in mush effort and that must hurt but do you have to let the friendship go? Is it not possible to accept this is the way she is and still love her for it, even if it drives you mad? I think it's great you've got her on boxing day! I don't know all the ins and outs but it seems to me that's how she does things, she may not be great at keeping in touch but it doesn't make her love you any the less, does it??? In your pists about her moving away it feels like you are angry with her for leaving you. I know if my BF moved thousands of miles away it would hurt like hell but our friends are entitled to live where they like babes, I'd hate it too but.....
Listen it's your friendship and your feelings but it pains me to think that you feel this way when you've bneen friends for so long. Doesn't love mean never having to say it??! I hope you sort it out with her and don't loose such an old friend hon', I really do. Love TC x

Thanks TC and everyone else for your thoughts. Yes, it is her way of doing things, and yes it is much easier to deal with her brash ways when you're out drinking and having a good time with her.

When I said I was angry with her for moving away and that it was her choice, it was not a generalised statement. I have other friends who have moved away and I completely understand. It is a very complex situation that I won't go into, but basically another close friend was involved, and I am still angry about the selfishness and hurtfulness of her choices.

The other annoying thing is the round robins only ever tell good news, yet her mum tells me it's not all good for her - how can you have a friendship when you want to give support but you aren't allowed in? As she won't send personal e-mails/respond to mine, I am left with this "my life is wonderful and I have a private yacht" image.

fisil; that's what my long-distance friend does; emails about all the lovely bits only. I think I do that too though. It might be a bit like when you see a friend and they ask how you are, and you usually say 'fine thanks! even if you aren't 100% that day! I reckon they just want to be cheerful. I hope you have a fab time on boxing day; I have been posting on another thread today about family politics at xmas and it is lovely that you have a good friend to share it with, rather than grumpy rellies!!

Suedonim; I'm sorry if I upset you with my comment about 'choosing to move away'; I was very much refering to my friend, who did move for a wonderful lifestyle and better weather! She had a good life here too, so it really was for that. I am sure others have many different reasons. My brother is fairly hopeless at contact, but he is always the same when I see him!

I haven't read the full thread but I wanted to say that I agree with you... maybe because I take the time and careto write personal letters, and being sent a "ready made" gets me really annoyed, specially when I'm not the most apropiate target for such a letter (religious chains, the virtues of being a mother, the last message from the Virgin of Fatima revealed, or some rather untasteful jokes). But I think it's all about being new to the internet, as these people get more spam themselves they stop sending general messages or at least are more selective in what they send. However, some people never grow out of that phase.

I also haven't read all the posts, but absolutly. I was best freinds with somone for about 5 years, then she moved away, and i send e mails telling her about my life and asking her about hers etc, i don't hear anything for ages and when i do, it's those e mails everyone gets from time to time with poems and jokes saying "fwd to 5 people..." i've even replied to them before and got nothing back!

The ironic thing is they're always little sonnets about freindship, which if she meant surely she'd send something a little more personal occasionaly!

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