Example 1: I received a cheque which i didnt want to accept. I set it aside to shred, forgot it and found out that dp cashed it into dc's savings account. The cheque was for me and not dc, we weren't financially struggling and it was about £100 so not life changing sum. He doesnt understand why i found that upsetting and a violation. That it was my gift and it was up to me what i do with it.
Example 2: when we have a discussion his face gets very red, looks about to flip, gets very short, raises his voice. I feel on eggshells around him. He makes me feel like a little girl who needs to be very careful not to make him angry. He always storms off when I want to discuss things, dismisses and belittles my feelings, concerns and hopes.
He shuts me down by walking away and saying im moaning/nagging. He has a temper and has thrown things, drives scarily fast with me and dc in the car if something annoyed him even though we ask him to slow down. Driven off and left me a few times and took dc. Never apologised.
Example 3:
When I'm talking seriously he picks out a word I said and repeats it in a funny voice.
Example 4: If i want to do something that he doesn't like or approve of he sulks and withdraws rather than support me, discuss the pros and cons or agree on a compromise. I think couples can disagree but they should be able to respect each other, compromise and support each other if we know that something is important to them even.
Example 5: this is probably petty. He always walks miles ahead of me. In the begining our steps matched. He isn't a tall giant with big strides.. we could and have many years ago walked in sync. It just always feels like he is doing his own thing in his own world. If you saw us walking down the street you would think we are 2 strangers. Sometimes walking ahead is fine but this is everytime.
Example 6: he hugs me briefly and quickly pushes me away when i hug him. Hugs are 9.9 out of 10 initiated by me. I then hate myself for being stupid. I hug him to diffuse tension or to show support.. i guess to feel reassured but then get rejected. He is cold towards me. When he wants sex he pesters me. He used to wake me up with his penis pushing against me and groping me. Wut i still feel sick about this.
Example7: he looks at me with contempt and my body in disgust.
Example 8: doesn't believe me be it from bits of random knowledge that he hasn't heard of or if i'm relaying a message from someone he has to gp and check it or make me prove it for him to believe me. And then he doesn't apologise. He just laughs about it and changes the subject. I feel like it's all in my head.
There is so much more.
Then we have some nice days where he is patient, calm, loving. This would be a 2 or 3 days a month. I have been marking my diary L for leave or S for stay at the end of each day for months because I don't know if its me that's the problem. He makes me feel like i'm silly, needy and crazy. I had a terrible childhood so didn't grow up with a good example. People close to me breaking up/divorcing/suffered physical DV (he hasn't hit me) so part of me feels like this is just what all relationships are like once the honeymoon phase is over.