10months post husband leaving, can anyone help me gather my thoughts

[Gilmoregoals]

Hello, I have posted on here before, but name change fairly regularly...

H left at the start of the year to be with his ow. They had been having an emotional affair for some time leading up to his announcement that he wanted to be with her. I was totally blindsided. We have kids and the ow was also married with kids.
I kicked him out and divorce papers are issued.

I am obviously sad and angry, but also feel like I am processing things ok and moving forward. The kids are coping.

There are two things that I feel really sad/angry about at the moment and I just wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom.

Firstly I feel that he has taken my kids away from me. Not in a manipulative or dodgy way. I now just don't get to see them so much, and it makes me so sad. They are only little (6&4). He has them one night in the week and 50% of the weekend.
I know in time I will probably appreciate child-free time, but I woke up this morning just feeling so sad they're not here.

Secondly I feel totally cheated of the opportunity to have a 'life' with my husband. The toddler years were brutal. He is now going off on long weekends away with her (child free obviously) and the number of times we talked about doing that, but couldn't because the kids were too little (or whatever other excuse he often found).

I also don't know if I am a little jealous that he is having a nice happy time with the ow and I am still just picking up the pieces. I find myself wanting a partner, and to feel loved again, but I know it is too soon.

So any words of comfort or advice would be very welcome right now. I know I need to flip my thinking, but struggling today.

OP I am a few months behind you in this situation, and there was no OW he just left, but I feel the exact same as you. I'm sorry i have no advice, hopefully someone will be along soon with some. But for now, I'm here for a handhold

OP firstly you sound like an amazingly strong woman and should be proud of how far you've come. I'm in a similar situation although I don't have the added pain of there being another partner involved already.
Not much advice I'm afraid except to say that your feelings are perfectly normal. I too get angry at being robbed of time with my kids. Never did I have children thinking I wanted to be a part-time mum, I want all in. But... I am getting there and making the most of my time alone and have realised that I am a better parent after some down time and I need it. My kids (9&5) go to their dad's one night a week and EOW and boy do I need the break to refuel!
And as for the jealousy, I really get that but remember they will have to have this on their conscience for the rest of their lives. Chances of their relationship working out are slim as it is, but if it does they will always know what they had to do to you and your children to have it.
Not sure if that helps ...

Hi Gilmore, I am so sorry that this has happened to you.

I found retreating from all social media, distracting my ruminating mind with funny or challenging books and TV and focusing on building something other than what I had before helped me. I went back to college and later university and carved out a different life from what I thought I had before.

Plan, organise and get ready to go and find your own adventure. I wish you all the luck in the world.

@ButtonHogger @Worakls thank you. I am sorry you find yourselves in similar boats.

I have noticed that I am generally a bit more relaxed as a parent when I have had down time, so maybe it will make me a better parent for them. I just feel like I am missing out on things with them.

@Emeeno1 thank you. Yes I made the mistake of trying to find her on FB early on, but now don't go anywhere near it!
I have lots of ideas for hobbies to take up, but covid is limiting that at the moment. Perhaps that is influencing how I feel, as I feel a bit stuck.
I also feel quite a heavy burden of financial responsibility now; it's all on my shoulders whereas previously it was very equal and shared.

my children have not seen their father since 2014 and the effect this has had on them is heartbreaking. try and look at the positives that he still sees them.

in time you will look forward to your child free time, especially when someone new comes along.

i’m sorry this has happened to you oo

@Greeneyes78 you're right it is great that he is still so involved (although I am still having to remind him things like start and finish time for school )

I am sorry your children's dad is not on the scene. I can't even imagine how difficult that must be for them (and you having to pick up the pieces)