What sacrifices have you made for your relationship?

[ALifeBackwards]

I’m interested in hearing about whether any of you perceive that youve made sacrifices for your relationship. Relationships are about give and take, right? What have you given up/overlooked/changed, in order to “take”?

Only having 1 child as DP already has 2 Dc

I've given up my work prospects, country, friends back in home country (still friends, but obvs rarely see them), my financial independence, freedom, sex, any type of romance, emotional and physical intimacy and moved to a country that I never wanted to live in because geographically it's pretty much the opposite to what I find pleasing and due to some of these things actually lost the main employable skill I had.

I have basically given up everything apart from my nationality. I changed my name when we married, but have since changed it back to my maiden name.

I'm getting divorced, but even that's not been straightforward thanks to Brexit.

Luckily what I have gained is two wonderful children, I have found my self-esteem and I have begun studying for a career where I now live. The future is brighter than the past, hopefully.

It’s an odd one. I’ve given up swearing! DP and his family seem to be a rare breed that doesn’t and hates it. I had no justification for continuing as it brought nothing positive to my life.
He rarely says ILY although he’s trying to do it more often as it matters to me. He shows me he loves me all the time.
He’s kindly compromised on many things to accommodate me and my quirks and issues so those are minor by comparison.

Gave up on my desire to have a third child

Have also lost quite a lot of my social life as my DH is incredibly anti social

Gave up on my dream to move to Australia as my DH didn't want to and seems impossible with children.
My oldest is now considering studying in Australia.

I met DH when I was 19 so in a way gave up a lot of freedom of my youth and my 20s (as did he). Didn't do a gap year or Erasmus year or anything similar, so have never travelled alone or with friends, or lived or worked abroad. Actually, in relation to friends, I wouldn't say I had any very strong, very close friendships as I never had flatmates etc.

On a smaller scale, DH can be quite set in his ways and unimaginative, so ultimately decisions around what car we drive, house decoration, things like that were always his taste. I say 'were' because as the years have gone on I've taken more control over our lives and daily decisions.

17 years after meeting we are still very content, have good careers, a happy home and 2 gorgeous children so life is pretty good really.

A fourth child.
My career.

Is this an article for the Daily Mail by any chance ?

I've given up ever being able to own a house together (DP history of debt and gambling).

He's given up ever being a biological parent - I have DC from previous relationship and I don't want another.

Self respect.

@FippertyGibbett

A fourth child. My career.

Is this an article for the Daily Mail by any chance ?

No, i promise it’s not. I am thinking about sacrifices within my own relationship and am interested in everyone else’s perceptions.

Ok, it’s the way the question was asked.
What sacrifices have you made, do you feel ?

I haven't had to make any sacrifices

@FippertyGibbett

Ok, it’s the way the question was asked. What sacrifices have you made, do you feel ?

I don’t know that I’ve had to make any sacrifices (yet) but it has only been a couple of years. Maybe the odd work sacrifice, and something to do with a sense of security, to an extent.

No sacrifices whatsoever.

Don't You Want Me by Human League. Live me a bit of guy-liner 😁

I've made sacrifice for my husband, not necessarily for my relationship.

He's currently retraining for a new career. I've sacrificed financial stability, family time, I parent a lot on my own. It's all genuine and needed but a massive sacrifice to allow him to follow his dream

In the past I've given up everything - moved country, changed working hours, gave up tending to my needs in order to cater to another person's wants. Completely lost myself.

Now in relationships I give up my time and I give up my solitude. I'm not willing to give up anything else - probably why I am single and loving it!

Moved out to the suburbs.

But it was a compromise, not a sacrifice.

I haven't made any, and I think that many of the posts on this thread are as good a case as I've ever seen for not sacrificing for a relationship.

Being an ardent grammar pedant. DH is dyslexic and I've learned it's not worth getting too worked up about (unless it's in professional print - then I still allow myself a rant).

I sacrificed many years trying to make a marriage with an abusive selfish man work. So my twenties passed me by in an unhappy haze trying to understand a gaslighting abusive narcissist.

I haven't given up anything (2nd marriage), but my DH gave up having his own child as I have 2 DC (both grown now) and as 1 had medical conditions and ASD, I did not want any more DC.

@tornadoalley I could have written exactly the same as you

Lots ...
My own happiness for that of my children ...
Peace of mind and heart to give them stability
Nearly lost myself and then he had an affair and is now an ex.
And I am giving them all of those things without him being there !

@wewillmeetagain. Sadly too many women say the same. Those years when you should be raising happy children and making lovely memories, learning about life and love when you have so much hope and trust in the future. You spend them learning about deceit, selfishness, gaslighting and emotional damage but, if you are lucky, you come out of them wiser, clearer and a highly developed bullshit detector.