Have you known a cheater who has never cheated again?

[toiletpaper]

After reading the similar thread here it got me wondering, have you ever known someone to cheat once and be genuinely remorseful and never cheat again?

I've known a few people who have left already terrible marriages for an affair that to the best of anyone's knowledge have remained faithful thereafter. I've also known many people how go out looking for a one night stand or brief fling that don't ever seem to stop cheating.
I think people cheat for different reasons and some genuinely don't make a habit of it.

Yes I've known a few who were so frightened by what they'd done and realised what they stood to lose, would never have gone there again in a million years.

Others aren't happy where they are so it will happen again. Some just like a bit of variety and will never be faithful.

Plenty of people have affairs in their heads.

Nobody can generalise.

I think if someone has cheated on you in your relationship, it's extremely difficult to get it back as you can never be sure and will always be left wondering, as the reasons they cheated are likely to come up again and the cheating be repeated.

But if someone cheats in a past relationship that doesn't automatically mean that they will cheat on you.
People cheat for different reasons, and each relationship, and how we are, is different.

Yes, but it depends what you mean. I know two cases where someone has cheated, in the first one, he lost his wife, home and everything else and the person he was cheating with. Got into a relationship a few years later as far as I know hasn't cheated again.

2nd person cheated on his partner left her for the other women, nearly 20 years later still with that woman (again hasn't cheated as far as I know)

Should say, I don't know anyone that has cheated and remained in the relationship for long

My conclusion, based on chats with friends and with colleagues, is that some people ( mainly women ) go a bit off the rails and seek extra attention late 30's early 40's. Then things calm down and they remain with the person they are with and can be quite content.
Other people ( more often men ) seen to take opportunity if it's presented and the think they can get away with it. This doesn't seem to have an age or time limit.
Hope that helps ?!

@lookatmememe

My conclusion, based on chats with friends and with colleagues, is that some people ( mainly women ) go a bit off the rails and seek extra attention late 30's early 40's. Then things calm down and they remain with the person they are with and can be quite content. Other people ( more often men ) seen to take opportunity if it's presented and the think they can get away with it. This doesn't seem to have an age or time limit. Hope that helps ?!

I think with men it's all about having their ego stroked, especially if they've become more attractive as they've gotten older and/or suffere/d with confidence issues.

Whoops suffer/suffered that should have been

Well I cheated on someone when I was in my early 20’s. 20 years down the line I haven’t done it again.

Yes, the whole "once a cheater always a cheater" is bollocks. Good people make mistakes.

I wouldn't forgive anyone if they cheated on me though.

@toiletpaper this is exactly what my STBXH did. He had 2 flings 7 years ago that when I discovered we went to counseling for. I was made to feel partly responsible as they took place after our son was born and I was apparently making life all about the baby and not him (to put into context at the time my ex worked away 80% of the time and I was working as well as raising our child with NO family support at all). So I was made to feel bad and I agreed to try again...
3 years ago he had a full blown affair. This time he had finally admitted it's just him and that he has a problem. He loves the attention, makes him feel good and family life is boring 💔

I cheated once when i was stuck in a marriage for cultural reasons. I left him a few months later. Married the guy i met and fell in love with. Really happy now but had to leave my whole family to do it. Would never dream of doing it again. I made a horrid mistake. The cultural shame still hurts.

I cheated in my last relationship but I honestly think it was the biggest mistake of my life and I would never do it again. Even at the time I was never justifying it, I thought I was the worst person in the world and still have a hard time forgiving myself now for all the hurt caused. I don't think it's a coincidence that the cheating happen to correspond with the lowest point of my mental health. I do believe the person who I cheated with actually took advantage of my shit mental health (he knew I was suicidal) to get what he wanted but that's a whole other story and I am not going to absolve my responsibility regardless of whether I was pushed into it or not.

I know of several who've cheated and never done it again.
One has been married to their affair partner for 20 years.

Sometimes decent people make mistakes and bad decicions, though I do think it makes a difference if someone has one affair with someone they meet and develop feelings for or if someone is actively seeking someone to be unfaithful with / actively seeking one night stands it office flings to boost their ego as the latter are premeditated.

Yes I do. Cheated once in the second year of their marriage, fairly short affair but an affair nevertheless, but now been married for 36 years and never done it again.

I know lots of people who cheated in relationships when they were younger but wouldn't dream of doing it now that they're grown up. I'm comparing early 20s to mid 30s.

Rupert Campbell Black.

How would anyone know? Unless you're the person, or in the relationship, you only know what you're told. So people can speculate, but they don't actually know.

You can only really speak for yourself, as cheating is pretty much by definition secretive.

@category12 makes a very good point.

Although the only person I know who has cheated once and never again is me.

I was young and selfish and lacking in empathy, or indeed any thought at all for my partner at the time. But it destroyed him (for a while). I would never do that to someone again. That's not who I want to be. I could see how much better it would have been to end the relationship with him when I realised we'd become like brother and sister, rather than cheat.

I left my marriage because of that (after going to Relate, but I'd left it too late, tbh). I knew I was ripe for cheating. It was painful for my ex-husband, but 100 per cent better than being cheated on.

I've been cheated on, before and after I cheated. For some reason, the pain I'd felt wasn't enough to stop me doing it to someone else.

The people I forgave cheated on me again. I'd never continue a relationship with a cheat now. It's a total deal-breaker. Someone who was genuinely unhappy in the relationship wouldn't want to come back to it anyway, so the fact they want back in means they will cheat even in a satisfactory relationship. No thanks.

Yes me.

I cheated only now ex husband very early on in the relationship. I had, what I now know was, an emotional affair that became physical once.

I regretted it immediately afterwards and pledged to myself that I'd never do it again - it said more about me as a person than it did about him or the relationship.

My current boyfriend cheated on his long term ex at the end of their relationship. I know the circumstances of the relationship and, whilst he shouldn't have done it, I can see how the situation led to it.

He owned up to it and the relationship ended. I didn't.

He and I would both now end a relationship before it got to that stage if we were unhappy. I trust him on that.

A lot of people cheat. A lot of men you date, who will tell you that they never have, will have done and just aren't being honest about it. I'd trust someone who was open and honest about their past over someone who pretended it was different.

However, I wouldn't forgive someone who cheated on me.

I almost cheated on my ex - he found out what was going on that I was planning to meet another guy and he tried to forgive me and for us to get past it but I hadn't been happy for years and had told him this multiple times but I kept getting guilted to stay.

We broke up after this and I started a relationship with the guy I was planning to meet and (I thought) it was going really well however I found out he has cheated on me. I wonder if I was getting my just desserts from what I did.

@category12

How would anyone know? Unless you're the person, or in the relationship, you only know what you're told. So people can speculate, but they don't actually know.

You can only really speak for yourself, as cheating is pretty much by definition secretive.

I came on here to say this.

Cheating is something that people hide and are usually very ashamed of, or at least concerned about how it will impact them if it comes out. By its very nature its something that's very difficult to gather objective information about.

I've never cheated on any partner. However my exh would tell you I was habitually unfaithful and would give you numerous examples of "proof" of this.

There's no blanket rule, folk cling to the idea that there is because they want to somehow make themselves "safe".