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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shell shocked by partner

19 replies

HUGS65 · 05/09/2020 00:50

I had been with my partner for 16 years. Last Saturday i received a message on messenger telling me that my partner had been having an affair in lockdown and when she urged him to leave me he blocked her and then went to another colleague. I was stunned and when i showed him he just said she was cruel telling me.. i told him to go not a week has gone by and he is slowly moving his stuff out. Its killing me inside. Can anyone give me hope for the future.

OP posts:
Nameisthegame · 05/09/2020 01:12

I feel tat when s relationship ends it feels like a loss almost like death as nothing will be the same and you won’t know that person the same anymore especially in a long term relationship. Give yourself time to breath and discover yourself, even though it’s the right thing it hurts. Personally I feel you can’t go back you have to just keep moving forwards xx you can do this be strong, Remember you can be and are a strong independent lady.

KimMarie34 · 05/09/2020 01:15

16 years is a long time, but you can and will forget about him.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You'll still be in shock at the moment but once it has sunk in it will be easier to deal with. Be strong, don't look back and find someone better who won't treat you like that xx

JustMeAndMyTins · 05/09/2020 01:15

I have no experience of this situation but I didn’t want to read and run when you’re having such a horrible time of it.

Right now it’s all just such a shock. You were understandably blindsided and, after 16 years, that’s quite a wallop our of nowhere.

Tell him to move his stuff faster and tell him to fuck off. You are absolutely going to come out the other side of this - stronger and wiser - and you are better off without this man. You’ve made it through every terrible thing you’ve encountered so far and this will be no exception. But be kind to yourself while you’re hurting. Flowers

LunaLoved · 05/09/2020 01:17

Your future is much brighter with your lying arse hole of a partner gone.

It does get better x

Anordinarymum · 05/09/2020 01:19

@HUGS65

I had been with my partner for 16 years. Last Saturday i received a message on messenger telling me that my partner had been having an affair in lockdown and when she urged him to leave me he blocked her and then went to another colleague. I was stunned and when i showed him he just said she was cruel telling me.. i told him to go not a week has gone by and he is slowly moving his stuff out. Its killing me inside. Can anyone give me hope for the future.
OP Your post does not make sense. Who told you about this and what do you mean when you say he blocked her and went on to another colleague? For what exactly?
Alwaysinpain · 05/09/2020 02:17

@Anordinarymum Hmm What the hell does you think???
Do you honestly think this is an appropriate post to pedantic?

Alwaysinpain · 05/09/2020 02:17

*do

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/09/2020 02:48

@Anordinarymum

Step away from the gin love, its perfectly understandable to anyone who isnt one over the eight.

Anordinarymum · 05/09/2020 02:52

I asked a perfectly reasonable question. No gin here

WishingOnACarrot · 05/09/2020 10:49

In defence of Anordinarymum I also struggled to immediately understand the OP too. No gin here either! I'm reading it that the dp/dh was having an affair with one colleague, she encouraged him to leave the OP, he wouldn't so he instead blocked her and then made a pass at another colleague instead. Hope that's correct.

KimMarie34 · 05/09/2020 11:44

Do specifics matter? She’s asking if breaking up with a cheating a- hope gets better.

KimMarie34 · 05/09/2020 11:44

A hole

MikeUniformMike · 05/09/2020 12:48

@Anordinarymum, it isn't absolutely clear without reading it carefully, but instead of doing that you posted a reply that seems harsh. There is no need for that.

Bear in mind (and I say this as someone who has done so under a NC), when you start a thread like this, you are barely functioning at all.

MikeUniformMike · 05/09/2020 12:53

It gets better OP, but it hurts like hell to start with.
It takes something like a month for every year you were together, but it depends on the individual. Get as much support from your family and friends, but if you need to cry and wail, look for the broken hearted thread on here or vent in 30 days only.

michelle1504 · 05/09/2020 13:08

Also in defence of @Anordinarymum I had to read it a couple of times before I 'got it'. I presume that the OP is just upset and quickly typed out the message, that's all. However there is no need to be nasty to someone asking a question. Vipers.

Nicolastuffedone · 05/09/2020 17:15

I had to read it twice too! He blocked the woman he was having the affair with, then he went with another colleague? He’s had 2 affairs?

Original poster
HUGS65 · 05/09/2020 19:22

Still having the second lives around the corner and she knew he was with me!!!!

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 05/09/2020 21:53

I am not buying this at all and it's shame

JamieLeeCurtains · 05/09/2020 23:36

As another poster suggested, OP, it would likely help you if you take some control back and insist he takes all his stuff immediately, or do it for him.

It will hurt a lot for a while, as you process these shocks, but it will get better.

You also need to make sure he doesn't wriggle off the hook of any financial liabilities. These are his dumb choices, not yours.

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