Why did mum change my name?

[easterflowerss]

Hi all. I was hoping someone on here might be able to help.

Basically my parents separated when I was 5 and we had no contact with my dad after that. My mum told various tales about him which seemed to change over the years.

She changed my surname from his when I was about 8. He didn't give permission for this, and I've come to learn that she must have given quite extreme reasons for doing so without his permission to convince the court to do it.

The problem is, I have a difficult relationship with my mum and she tends to be quite manipulative and tells a lot of lies.

As I've got older I've started to wonder why she changed my name. None of the family ever talk about it (or my dad). It's a totally taboo subject and I don't feel I could ask, and even if I did ask my mum I just couldn't trust her answer.

Does anyone know whether there is any way I could find out her reasons? From the court maybe? I don't know whether it would be confidential to her, but it impacts me so surely i should be allowed to see?

Any experiences with anything like this would be so helpful!

@dementedpixie

Were they married? Does it matter why?

They were married, divorced when I was 5.

I suppose it doesn't matter really. Doesn't change anything. I just struggle a little with unanswered questions about such big aspects of my life.

I changed mine when I was 14 and they tried to contact my father but they couldn't find him so they just did it without

I don't see why it would be a power play. I can understand why she didn't want you to have his name if it wasn't the same as hers and he was out of the picture. I would think her mum's maiden name was because it had a family connection but would make you less traceable. How does she get on with her dad? Maybe she didn't want his name.

Name changes don’t have to be done by deed poll, as long as that’s the name you go by for all of your affairs, so easy to change a child’s surname. Most mums would prefer to share the same name as their child, just makes life easier.

If your Dad wasn't around it makes sense she would use her name as yours. Why would you have the name of someone who didn't raise you? It doesn't seem like a power play.

I think if your previous name was 'Saxe-Coburg' and it was changed to 'Windsor', we all know why and it is not a problem.

Keep up the good work. 👋🇬🇧

My MIL changed my husbands surname to her and her new husbands surname when he would have been around 3. His biological father left to live abroad (with his wife and other kids). She didn’t go through the courts, it was done via a solicitor.
I’m guessing she did it because she had no contact with him anymore and had made his feelings clear by jumping the country.

I would certainly want to know if I were you, OP. Is it worth consulting a solicitor to find out if there would have been any supporting paperwork lodged with the court, and whether it would still exist after this amount of time?

I changed my child’s name in circa ‘97. It was done in a solicitors office, no real evidence required or submitted. I explained the circumstance (DV) and that I had no idea where he was nor did I want him to find me. It cost me £87 and 40 mins of mine and the solicitors time.

In my country there are several ways a mother can change the child's name without consent of the father.
She could have it done without his consent if she provided proof he was not your biological father.
She could have it changed if they were not married at the time of birth and he had not filed for parental acknowledgement.
She could have it done if he was found guilty of a crime that would negatively impact family with his name (such as rape, murder, bigamy, etc.)

I can give you my circumstances if it helps @easterflowerss. My DM and biological father divorced when I was around 6. It seems there was a lot of DV and the split was acrimonious.

She remarried when I was 9. We unofficially took my DSD's surname. Nothing official was done - I was informed later on that she thought he would object to the Courts if she'd tried to do it through official channels. No idea if that was/is true.

My NI number was issued in my (unofficial) surname. Aged 18 I was going to apply for uni and was told the surname/s was a problem when it came to student loan applications. So I duly went off to a solicitor and changed it by deed poll. I've been that surname officially ever since - passports issued in that name and everything.

I think if you spoke to a solicitor they might be able to advise you as to how difficult it might be to access Court records into the case - working on the basis there are any. Might your DM simply have changed it in word only, and then proceeded on the basis that was your name, and everything else followed?

How old are you OP?*
Did you mum have to give a reason for doing it without your dad's permission? Or did she just do it, and then he undid it?*

I am the mum in this situation and I just did it. No one asked why.

i changed my daughters surname dad buggered off so she used my name then when i got married we did a change of name deed they wrote a letter to his last known address got no reply (his mom still lives there so he would have got it) so they granted it on those grounds

you seem to hold her wholey responsible for this in a negative way im sure she had a reason for doing it

I think OP it sounds like you've built this up into a mystery that may not actually exist. Because you thought the process was complicated and harder to achieve than it is in real life.

It could be simple answer here. Your mam and dad split up. Contact dwindled and your mam changed your names to either cut ties or to spite your dad.

she probably never went to court and just forged his signature - if it was needed at all....

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/912449/loc019-minor-eng.pdf

Why not ring or email? They should be able to point you in the right direction.

If it helps, my mum changed my name to her new married name when I was 5. All she did was change it with the doctor and school and it somehow just followed me. My NI number, provisional etc. Def never went through court.

I actually had to get a deed poll done before I got married 30yrs later or else I was going to named as my original name which I didn't want as that's not who I was. I'm 40 by the way.

I changed my DD's name, the reasongiven was DV and abandonment and it was allowed. Why should she have his name when he wasn't involved at all? I'm sure this is similar thinking to your mum...

Is the document a deed poll or change of name document? Both are valid to prove a change of name the difference is that a deed poll is lodged with the court so a permanent record exists in case you need copy in the future (e.g. if the original is misplaced/destroyed).

If it's a deed poll maybe this is where the confusion about court has come in - that its been referred to as being 'lodged with the court' and over time this has turned into 'had to go to court for it'.

Having worked in a field where it was necessary to see many birth certificates, change of name docs etc, it's really not uncommon for single mums to opt to share a name with their children after splitting from dad, so this does seem the most likely scenario.

I had a pretty bad break up with my husband in 1994, and had 2 DD with his name born 1992 and 1993. One did not have him as father on birth certificate and I was able to do the deed poll to my maiden name without asking anyone via the solicitor. The second daughter had his name on birth very as we were married by the time she was born - I could not change her name without his permission- officially. However, the solicitor suggested I just called her what I wanted and it would be fine unless he objected - he was unlikely to ever know. I put all child benefit, GP, nursery and then school Into my maiden name. We had no problems until opening a bank account, by which time ID checks were more rigorous- and I was informed I couldn’t officially change it, neither could she without her father’s permission until she was 18. Whilst this made me enraged but that’s a separate issue - anyway I actually managed to get the account open in the name she had always used, different to her birth certificate, which is what upset the bank, and since then she has a driving license and passport in this name. We did an online deed thing but don’t know how much value that has. So anyway you don’t always need to go to court, or didn’t then. You are allowed to call yourself anything you like now still but obviously official places check ID and how you got to your current name closely nowadays. Why I did it? I lived in a small locality where everyone knew the father’s name and I didn’t want her linked with that growing older - immediately linked for example by teachers. Also wanted all of us to have the same name. My daughter is glad now she didn’t keep his name - I never hid what had happened but obviously moderated it as appropriate to her age/needs. Hope some of this may help you understand differing ways of changing names in the 90s and maybe some of the reasons.