When is it actually over?

[Lissy332]

I’m in a 10 year relationship, been married for 1. (Our first anniversary in two weeks) and I cannot shake the feeling that it just isn’t right. It’s like I am split completely in two. Half of me knows I shouldn’t be with him and I will leave and move on and be happier. But the other half can see me with him, having a baby and having a happy life. I am constantly confused, when things are good I look at the positive side and then when things are bad I am adamant that I know I will be leaving him soon.
Being honest iv had doubts all through the relationship since the first few months. We were both young but he is quite immature for his age, he has a good heart but a short temper, literally moans about everything. He does little things that annoy the life out of me (not big things, the average person probably wouldn’t get annoyed at)
He never suggests anything, never does anything romantics. Anything we do I’m the one who always plans things and arranges things. We have different senses of humour and hardly ever really laugh together. His hobby is his priority and always has been. If I look at it from afar it’s like we have been together so long things are stale and boring, and I find myself questioning is it right? Which to me sounds like it isn’t. But I’m a massive over thinker and very sensitive. I do love him and want to be happy and stay with him. So confused and getting whiplash from my own thoughts. Anyone else ever felt so torn? (I assum so :( )

I think when you’re in a healthy, happy and positive relationship, when things feel a little rocky, you don’t imagine leaving.
I don’t imagine a life without my DH. I can’t imagine being happier without him.

You deserve someone who makes you feel good and brings out the best in you. You shouldn’t feel stale and boring. We all have ups and downs in relationships but that doesn’t mean we want out.

Are you happy? Does he make you happy? Is the relationship supportive and loving and nurturing?

You deserve all of that.

I had similar with my ex - feeling determined to leave him and then just feeling relieved when things weren't that bad and thinking it wasn't bad enough to leave.

Ending a long term relationship seemed like such a massive, insurmountable step. The thing is though, it's an even more massive thing to settle for a not-great relationship. You only get one life - why should you settle? That's just my view, for what it's worth. But honestly, I am so much happier since my ex and I split. The relief when he was gone was incredible - I was walking on air.

And don't make the mistake of thinking that having a baby with him will fix things - it won't.

There's a book called "too bad to stay too good to leave" - maybe that would help?

It doesn't sound to me like you have anything in common and not having similar senses of humour would be a killer for me.

Having a child is like a hand-grenade into a relationship and him spending all his time on his hobby would become less and less tolerable if you had a child - don't fool yourself that he would change his habits if you have children together, very few men do.

I suggest you talk it out with a counsellor and really think about spending the rest of your life like this - not if he somehow changed or you suddenly changed, but just as the people you are now.