Unprofessional and inexperienced work colleague

[Newjobstarter123]

I’m two months into a new job where I am still finding my feet.

The large team are lovely generally except for one woman who is slightly more senior than I am.

I am being part trained by her but I don’t report into her. I find her extremely unprofessional, patronising and difficult to follow.

I have been referred to by her as ‘the new pretty girl on the team’ despite being over ten years older than her, which I felt was not a compliment but a way to be condescending. I’m far too old to be referred to like that.

She talks really fast, and a lot of the time she just doesn’t make sense. She gossips to me about other staff members. I think she’s trying to be helpful and insightful, but it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

She seems very well liked by others on the team including our team leader.

I personally think she is threatened by me as I am far more experienced than her

Earlier in the week I shared some ideas I had and she was quite dismissive and kept outlining challenges but redeemed herself at the end by saying my ideas were good. Really really weird! 🤨 Even if my ideas were crap, she could have been more diplomatic. She’s in a senior managerial role but I find her very inexperienced and juvenile.

Just wanted your thoughts on this situation? I feel like I’m too new in the role to raise this as an issue, but I’m worried if I let it continue, she will become worse.

If you are that experienced, you should know not to be offering lots of "better ways of doing things" until you are firmly doing the job.

I was invited by a senior director to share my ideas.

Keep your mouth shut if she’s more senior and well liked.

Good advice. She's well liked for a reason.

Change the subject when she gossips, remove the stick from your arse and get on with your work.

@newjobstarter123. Of course you were, that's what directors do, and want. The key word was "offering" advice. If your ideas are solicited at that early stage, that's quite another thing.
OP- Her comments on other people are not professional. However I'd hardly consider it a reportable offence. It would just tell me to be very careful around her and that she was a bit shallow. She is senior for a reason though and that's the part I think you're not acknowledging. Why can't you understand what she is saying?

@SarahBellam

I’d make friends with her - seek her out, ask her advice. Instead of saying ‘I have an idea’ say ‘I want to run something by you - what do you think?’ Praise her publicly, ‘I had this strategy and X gave me some really good ideas to help make it better’. As she’s senior to you, support her and be seen to be supportive. Talk positively about her. Two months is a really short time to be in a job, particularly if you’re new to a fairly cohesive team. At the moment it sounds like you’re the one out of step here, not her. Yes, ‘the new pretty girl’ may have been patronising but she acknowledged that your ideas are good.

Where I work challenging ideas is really important. It means they get thought through so that by the time they are implemented or go public they have been refined and are more likely to be successful. I’d never construe challenge as a bad thing unless my idea was shut down just because someone said it was crap.

As others have said, note when she has been unprofessional or rude. If your still unhappy with her behaviour in a few months you may want to discuss it with your line manager.

Don’t keep praising her publicly. If she is a prick then you will be tarred with the same brush and people will pretend to like you too and not confer with you about any issues. Just do your job to the best of your abilities, give credit only when it’s due and accept praise for your own work

Just because someone is well liked doesn’t mean they’re nice.
I have worked with some absolute monsters in my time who are very popular.
A recent manager was well liked in my department but I knew something was off. It transpired that in another organisation (she is dual role) , she is absolutely hated, for all the reasons I distrusted her. She was exposed as a liar among other things but because the two roles and organisations were quite disparate, nobody in my department got to hear about it except for me. I’m not an office gossip so I never shared it. I actually ended up leaving because of her, as did two colleagues in the other department.
Annoyingly they had a whole other management structure so again, the news never filtered through about why the other women left.

I thought the "inexperienced" was the OP, but it seems it's the other person?

Obviously you’re entitled to feel irritated by a work colleague, but it’s hard to see what you’d raise as an issue at the moment. Probably best to give her, and the situation, a chance. You could try to shut her down or walk away if she starts gossiping to you and it makes you feel uncomfortable.

I think the Pretty comment was derogatory. But I would like to know how you were made aware of this third person comment.

As an experienced manager you should know how to manage relationships and situations. There isn’t a job anywhere that doesn’t involve people gossiping. It’s a way of communicating team culture and norms as long as it doesn’t become toxic. There’s a good chance you are being told things that are useful in amongst all the bitchy stuff. Experienced managers tap into this without engaging.

Teams need to be diverse. It’s good to have innovators and enthusiasts. But that needs to be balanced with people who are more analytical and able to apply dissonance.

Unless you work in a innovative sector where there is constant change, the workplace is basically a lot of process and churn. Nobody really wants “good ideas” and they especially don’t want them from someone who has just walked in the door. You need to take more time to observe the culture and dynamics before launching in with the “why don’t we”.

One PP said she sounds horrendous. But if she really was other people would see that. She is liked. Either they are equally horrendous and your induction experience is an insight into that or you are reading this wrong. I do think you have sharp elbows and lack experience. The director comment sounds naive and pompous.

Listen learn and reserve judgement. It will guide you to the right action.

I remember when I worked somewhere where we had a hot shot new joiner - she was excellent at her job - I mean seriously seriously good and completely dedicated. However she was terrible at office politics - they let her go after 18 months.

I would be careful until you have been there a while. Particularly if she has any say over promotion, salary or bonus.

If I was a new start, it would be helpful to have an idea who the office creep or bitch was. Is the world of work so “woke” nowadays, that one has to be a 100% professional automaton?

Will you turn out to be the office snob or snitch?

If you don’t like it why don’t you say “I’m not one for gossip thanks” and leave it at that.

Ouch!

i would do exactly as the first poster advised, keep schtum and say nothing!

my looks often get commented on at work and by customers and i’m not bothered by it at all