I’m in love with my friend and it is destroying me.
We’ve been friends for about 5 years and over the last 2 have become very close and in that we see each other and speak to each other a lot. She is a very demanding person but also very attentive, generous and great fun to be with. She can also be incredibly moody and a bit of a bitch to be honest. She is generous and needy…to the point my Husband said she he thought she was obsessed with me.
I am her closest friend….in the past we have messaged constantly throughout the day…we see each other about 3 times a week due to a shared mutual interest. I am constantly thinking about her, when will I see her, what she is doing, who she is with etc…she has a partner and I don’t really feel any jealously towards him however I am insanely jealous if she spends time with some (not all) other female friends (not that she has many). I think this is how much of a threat I deem them to be to toppling me from pole position.. We used to always be saying we loved each other, couldn’t imagine life without each other, I’m used to being her ‘go to’ person….its been intense.
When shutdown first started, I thought it would be good as it would force some distance between us but in fact it’s the opposite…we facetime often but it’s become more dull/routine… she has also become slightly less demanding of my attention which in turn makes me more needy.
I don’t even know what I want!!! I just don’t want to feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. On one hand I want to think of her/feel she is just like any other one of my friends but on the other hand I have a huge urge to be close to her as much as possible. It’s like she is a drug…when we are together and having fun nothing else matters.
I can’t talk to anyone about this and spend most of my time wanting to cry. I am desperately unhappy in my job (currently WFH) and feel unfulfilled. I love my husband.