Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Guy keeps disappearing and reappearing

42 replies

mooneus · 03/09/2020 01:35

Just before the lockdown was introduced I met this guy online. We were just chatting and getting to know each other and he suddenly didn't reply to one of my messages. I have always lived by a 'rule' of never double message.

However, around a week later he messages me again and things pick up again. It's around this time the messaged become a bit more flirtatious. And sometimes he messaged me first to see how I was - which I thought showed he was interested.

At this stage it's the middle of lockdown and we couldn't meet. Which I think really prevented things from progressing. But we still carried on messaging.

My job then made it clear that I would be working remotely for quite some time. So I decided to stay with my parents for a while. Which probably affected things to. However it was around this time he started using language and making future plans with me in it - which sounds crazy for someone you've not met, but also quite nice at the same time.

He goes a but quiet for a while, which I thought was due to me not being around for a date. However out of the blue he messages and said he had a psychic reading and the psychic mentioned something about the area my parents live (and i was at the time). Personally I'm a bit sceptical about psychics but he's really into them and took that as a clear sign.

He then disappears for a few weeks. And I message again to see how he is, and he replies straight away. At the same time he was doing work on his house. I messaged to check in to see how it was going, but I got no reply.

Literally a month goes by, and I had resigned myself that I wasn't going to hear from him again. And he messages me out of the blue to apologise and say he's had a crap few weeks.

Coincidentally it's the night before I was due to leave my parents and return to my flat. He's clearly excited when I tell him that and offers to pick me up from the station. I um and ah as normally I think it would be weird for a 'first date' to be a lift in a car. But I agree as I want to see him.

That day I'm on the train back and send him a message. He replies that he completely forgot he was picking me up. I was so upset - as it was his idea. And thought that's it, he had his chance and he blew it.

His excuse for forgetting was that it was his first day back at work after months of being on furlough. He later admits that's not a good enough reason and vows to make it up to me.

I was waiting for him to make it up to me. So I left it up to him to make plans to see me and he doesn't suggest anything, even though we carry on messaging.

Again he disappears for a few days and comes back again. I think I'm completely wasting my time here and decide to give up on him.

So I go on a dating app and low and behold who pops up as a match. We have a bit of a heart to heart and he says he really likes me and wants to get to know me. He's said he's had a feeling about me all along.

So we go back to messaging. This time we cover old ground and he asks me something we spoke about before. Which to me rings alarm bells as he clearly wasn't interested in what I said.

We talk about meeting up again. It's worth noting we live in the Greater Manchester area, so we're not supposed to meet up with people we don't live with. However we had said by 1st September we'll do something. I messaged him on the 1st and mentioned it - and as of right now my message is still unread.

I really don't know what to think of this situation. I do wonder if we would have met by now if lockdown was never introduced. I must also point out that his dad passed away at the end of last year and I know he's still upset about that, which is understandable and I want to cut him some slack. But this appearing and disappearing act is annoying. In a way I wish he'd ghost me as I'd know where I stand.

OP posts:
Somethingkindaoooo · 03/09/2020 01:47

I think he's doing just enough to keep you dangling.

Gothamgirl1970 · 03/09/2020 01:51

You are not a toy he can pick up when he wants to play and stuff you back in the toy box when he is bored

famousforwrongreason · 03/09/2020 01:53

No. Just no. I’ve been there with someone like this. It called breadcrumbing.
Don’t get involved. If you end up shagging him it will really mess with your head. You will never ‘have’ him fully for you.

Egghead68 · 03/09/2020 01:54

He’s doing this with loads of women. Bin him and move on.

MsWonderful · 03/09/2020 01:56

He’s stringing you along for amusement. He’s not interested in actually meeting up. Block him and move on to someone who actually wants to date/have a relationship

Frownette · 03/09/2020 01:59

It really shouldn't be this difficult

JorisBonson · 03/09/2020 02:37

@Frownette

It really shouldn't be this difficult
This. This X 100000
rvby · 03/09/2020 04:37

Come on op. You know this guy is a chancer.

Monty27 · 03/09/2020 04:45

Block the time waster

BertiesLanding · 03/09/2020 05:17

As gently as possible: you are being a mug, OP.

SenorPeabodyEsq · 03/09/2020 06:19

Time waster.

AnyFucker · 03/09/2020 06:36

You have given him far too many chances

Also, he is more than likely married/partnered. And "into psychics" ?

Come on now

Crystal87 · 03/09/2020 06:38

Presumably you're not desperate so I can't understand why you would still be into him after all this.

footprintsintheslow · 03/09/2020 06:54

It sounds like he's messaging a many number of women and whoever is the most entertaining to him gets the majority of his time. When that tails off he looks around more some new amusement...you. When he gets bored he moves on for a while....repeat the cycle.

I'd block and forget and move on.

Beautiful3 · 03/09/2020 07:09

Hes messaging lots of women at the same time. Just block and ignore. Plenty more fish in the sea.

ImaSababa · 03/09/2020 07:11

Sack him off.

Dontletitbeyou · 03/09/2020 07:49

So we go back to messaging. This time we cover old ground and he asks me something we spoke about before. Which to me rings alarm bells as he clearly wasn't interested in what I said.

He can’t remember what you spoke about before because he is absolutely, definitely, messaging multiple people . He can’t remember who said what .
He gets in touch when he’s bored ,ignores you when a better offer comes along . He’s still on OLD sites ,which proves that he’s still actively looking for people to date/meet up with, just a shame he can’t be honest with you .
Complete waste of your time , I’d just block him and move on .

category12 · 03/09/2020 07:49

Why on earth are you giving him so many chances?

BlueDream · 03/09/2020 07:51

Dodgy as fuck.

AnaViaSalamanca · 03/09/2020 07:52

Have you actually even met him?

He could be a bored teenager having some fun at your expense.

HollowTalk · 03/09/2020 07:58

You have more patience than I have, both with his ridiculous psychic beliefs and with his constant disappearances. His plans for the future sound unhinged.

He's clearly messaging tons of women and may well be married.

Lose him.

dangerrabbit · 03/09/2020 08:03

I wouldn't bother with this one. What made you hold out so long?

Nevercastaclout · 03/09/2020 09:58

Breadcrumber. OP, do you really think he isn't doing this to numerous women? Block. Move on. You are worth more.

villamariavintrapp · 03/09/2020 10:12

I think he's been really clear, he's not that interested. If lockdown hadn't happened he'd have probably met you, shagged you, and ghosted you.

seensome · 03/09/2020 10:23

No second chances imo should never be given to a date that didn't turn up! if he was looking forward to it that much, no way would he forget. Also dodgy offering to pick you up, so a lucky escape for you.
He's either already in relationship or stringing too many women along at the same time.
Stop talking to him and honestly when a man comes along that is truly interested in you, he won't be hot and cold and he will remember the date!