Fuck.

[Feckityfeckityboo]

will do this in bullet points as I'm so drained.

Exwife claimed husband was a druggy and took all their money.

Husband very clever at claiming ex was nuts and all the usual manipulative shit to make me believe it. Stupid on my part.

Turns out ex was right. Husband has been cutting money off my parents rent (we rent off them) to buy cocaine since march.

While they were shielding (we live on a side bit). And myself and them were doing everything right down to washing bloodu shopping to ve safe.

I was pregnant. Had baby three amd a half months ago. And a toddler by him, two years old.

April I developed covid like symtopms. Daughter got seriously ill a week later.

Contacted yesterday by local hospital as they believed I had it while pregnant and want me to accept information being part of study.

He claimed he was so worried for us all being safe he didn't see his children from previous marriage beyond distanced meetings. (Yet could pick up drugs...)

My dad got seriously ill not long after my son was born. We nearly lost him multiple times. He was in hospital for three months beyond the odd night home.and an ambulance back a day or two later.

All along he watched us collapse in grief.

Husband when it all came out threatened suicide when i asked him to leave.

I then took it upon myself to message his ex and let her know how sorry I was for believing his version, and also my health visitor and social services directly.

I want all to know i had no knowledge or part in this.

Health visitor and gp are very supportive of me. Social services said I done the right thing.

Yet something sticks in my mind (I have a history of depression) . They keep asking how my.mental health is. I'm fine as far as fine can be with all thst has happened. But it feels like they are looking at us both like we are potential bad parents. I get they need to be careful. But its scared me.

Husband is so manipulative he took his ex to court for access to their kids and won. Poor woman demanded a hair strand test and he used his words to avoid it.

I can't even get him to leave as much as i want him to.

Exwife said he never done therapy and that with her - so a tiny bit of ke feels hopeful as he is doing that now along with a list of things I asked. But reality is - I know he won't change.

He isn't an awful father. But isn't a father I would feel happy with leaving my children longer thsn a few hours with. He proved thst when my dad was in hospital.

What the fuck do I do? Atm I am on the sofa while the bedroom door (open and leads off lounge) is open and he is playing father of the year with the odd jab at me towards them. But I know if i go in there je will start and I don't want them to see that.

Meant to bs our bloody wedding anniversary tomorrow as well :(

Thank you. I wish i was! I think it is more just clarity at this point.

You won't be handing your babies over every weekend.
He'll need to do drug testing for court , hair strand which is the most reliable and can tell how long drugs have been used.
Courts take drug use and child access very seriously , to have unsupervised at any point the court would want 6-9 months of clear tests , that's a long way off . And ... you are not depressed and you have never OD ever,, they always try to paint us as crazy ... it's really not you ... it's him. You are so brave , well done, it's not easy but you will get there .

And .... you'd be in more trouble with social services if you stayed with a drug user. You did the right thing !

Thank you. He is already using his narrative of me being a wicked witch to his family. Called me up shouting how I was just spiteful and nasty and "give up too easily".

I reminded him he had many chances and messed them up. Now there are children involved i won't stand for it.

Look cocaine addicts are liars. He's proved that over and over. Cocaine is also extremely expensive, we're taking around £100 for an evening high for a seasoned user. He will drain your finances and lie until he's blue in the face.

The fact that he will threaten you with "taking" the children is evidence enough that your relationship is over.

Take it from me, get out before your children are older and things are further up shit creek. I have some sympathy for anyone with an addiction but the truth is that the addiction itself is ugly and will be the driving force behind all his choices. It is his priority above anything. He will manipulate and lie to hide his habit because he doesn't see it as a problem. He is functioning as he is and lying to himself.

Him reversing all that behaviour and stopping his addiction is extremely unlikely, particularly if his behaviour is anything to go by. He's not sorry at all!

Courts will take your side in this, just as they did with his ex wife. He can't even be bothered to see much of his dc from his previous marriage, there's no way he will go for full custody. It's another lie.

The worst thing you could do for your mental health would be to give him more chances.

Keep strong. You'll come out the other side of this and you will be ok.

I would advise not engaging with him at all. He is being abusive, which you need to keep evidence of. Emotional abuse and psychological control is now recognised by law as a serious offence, with custodial sentences.

I'm not even bothered about myself anymore. I feel free. I just feel scared that I'll ever have to hand the babies over to a what turns out is a complete stranger.

I would never stop them seeing him, I just don't feel comfortable unsupervised as he clearly can't be trusted.

Its the equivalent of me finding a random on the street and leaving my children witj them. I just wouldn't!

And i feel guilt for their life now. For my poor choices have impacted them and they deserve so much better

How does a loser like that get multiple women to bear multiple children, I always wonder. The poor kids.

None of this is your fault. Drop the guilt. You're incredibly brave to extricate yourself and your children from this relationship. You can make a demand for supervised visits as a poster has explained above.

It's all so daunting but take little steps and don't torture yourself with guilt or what might happen in the future. Don't be afraid to let everyone around you know, you need a supportive network around you because he will try to make you doubt yourself. Things will get easier with time and you'll get through this. Don't think too far ahead right now.

You are by far the better parent and the courts have heard his narrative all the time. It's textbook behaviour from an abuser.
Be kind to yourself

Perveen a lot of abusive men/cocaine addicts (it usually goes hand in hand) are charming, successful in their careers, incredibly charismatic and can often present perfect partner or father behaviour. The addiction is usually hidden in a cunning web of lies and deception.

Let's not victim blame. It's really unhelpful and damaging.

From my own experience, and from what his exwife has told me.

We both met him when we were vulnerable and sad. He wss the happy go lucky "saviour type.

You get sucked in. Then it starts, but you still remember the person you believed they were. So the cycle continues.

The moment you question his behaviour he turns on the charm. Offers you the world. Intil his feet are under the table again.

By that point you're so broken you stsrt thinking you're the problem.

That is how he got two women to have two children of his each.

Because you cling to the idea its you. He is decent. You're just difficult and finding faults. And you want your children to have the best life.

Until you realise it isn't your fault. That is how.

But yes, believe me. I agree completely it is the poor children who suffer in all of this. If i could turn back time and find them a better father, I would. But then i wouldn't have the two I have now. And quite honestly, they are amazing.

I've not hidden a thing. All close to me know what is going on. I don't want to fall into the trap of him making me feel guilty again.

I've already had him on the phone shouting at me about how I'm this and that.

Moment his threats and plans didn't work - the real him came out in force.

His threats are empty, typical abuser, I've read it on here so many times, the threats to ‘take the children’ when they’re a shit parent, doing drugs or abusing booze. He is only trying to hurt you. This is the ‘script’, abusive men use it.

Don’t let him into your head, he’s an abusive wanker, don’t let him back.