Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

This is making me so paranoid and sad, dont know how to deal with it

5 replies

user153758 · 02/09/2020 11:00

Last December, after a year long relationship I fell pregnant. When we found out my ex dp when crazy, physically abused me, threw me down stairs, totally changed as a person. I left immediately, I was bleeding and booked a termination. When I got to the appointment they couldn’t confirm if I was miscarrying as it was too early but still said I could take the mediation if I wanted. I took the first pill, regretted it almost immediately, but found I had passed the pregnancy anyway a few hours later and didn’t need further medication. The whole thing was the most horrible thing I’ve experienced and I nearly took my life on a few occasions. During this time I told my family what was happening. I now wish I hadn’t as I don’t usually talk to them about personal things but I was at rock bottom and not thinking. They were supportive in their own way. But...

I have recently suspected that my sister told her three closest friends about what happened. They are due to be bridesmaids with me next year at her wedding. I can’t believe she would do this. It was so personal to me. One of the bridesmaids has loosely linked childhood friends to mine and so I now wonder if people know about all of this and I am not coping with it. I’ve raised it with her and she remains adamant that this one girl who is loosely in touch with some of my wider friends doesn’t know a thing. But then she won’t tell me if she’s told her other two friends about it. I don’t know them and have never met them. I feel like her inability to be straight with me probably means she has told them and then there’s a chance it could get back to the third girl (if she’s telling me the truth and the third girl hasn’t also been told). She gives one word answers if I ask her and probe her to tell me what she’s told and to who. Last time we spoke a month ago she hung up on me.

I just feel so upset by this and it is something I want to forget. I am supposed to be moving home soon close to those I grew up with and so the whole thing feels even scarier now as I wonder who knows what about what happened to me and it was something I just wanted to forget.

I don’t know how to deal with this and feel angry and upset and... well I don’t know what I am asking really. What can I do to make this feel less stressful and just seem easier? I have become paranoid that everyone is talking behind my back and that everyone I used to know now has a changed view of me after being involved with someone so awful and for what happened with the pregnancy.

OP posts:
namechangebunny · 02/09/2020 11:06

What an awful time you have had OP, I am so so sorry.
I am not sure what to say about your sister/her potentially telling her friends... but IF they know how do you think that they will view you? Surely anyone decent would think horrendously of your ex and feel huge sympathy for you? Realistically even if something is said behind your back it should be along the lines of "oh how awful" - is there anything more to be said?
I hope that things will go well for you with your move and that you don't feel ostracised or judged in any way x

user153758 · 02/09/2020 11:10

Probably but it’s more that when things are passed on like that nobody knows the whole story do they. I can imagine people just hearing that I had a termination without knowing the context for instance. It is also just not something I want anyone to know. I don’t even want to reference ex dp ever again, let alone anything that happened with him. I just feel sick about it all and hurt about how my sister isn’t straight with me about it. I feel so vulnerable and like she has this hold over my life now.

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 02/09/2020 11:11

Decent people will feel terribly sympathetic towards what you've been through. Only arseholes would have unpleasant opinions about it and arseholes generally feel unpleasantly towards anyone who isn't them anyway.

Hold your head up. You did the right thing for you and freed yourself from a lifetime of suffering. Google "crabs in a bucket" - some people dont like it when others make moves to extract themselves from bad situations and prefer that everyone suffers in the bucket together.

Hold your head up. You are fine, you did just fine. Well done. Flowers

user153758 · 02/09/2020 11:14

It’s something I just want to forget and now I suspect she’s talked about it with people I feel like she has violated my right to that privacy. It is not something I am proud of and wish I had never got involved with him.

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 02/09/2020 11:21

@user153758

It’s something I just want to forget and now I suspect she’s talked about it with people I feel like she has violated my right to that privacy. It is not something I am proud of and wish I had never got involved with him.
OP, you got yourself out of an extremely abusive relationship. That's no mean feat and shows a huge amount of personal guts and strength. I would turn to thinking about what you want your life to look like in 5 years and where you want to be, life wise and geographically. Look what you escaped from! You achieved what can be impossible. How much more will you achieve if you put your mind to it?
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread