When to tell kids about Divorce?

[Jadetreesbringluck]

Its been 9 months since I told STBEH that its done. It has been very hard especially with covid. He has not found a new place to go to (this is typical) and is proposing that he will stay in a nearby hotel until he gets somewhere suitable to rent.

We are currently rented and only last week got notice to leave the property (they are selling). So I have found a new place (within 24hrs but thats typical also - the just getting on with things) and we are due to move in 3-4wks.

I wanted to wait to tell the kids (8&10) once he had found somewhere so that they would know where they would be staying every other weekend....but know it looks like that wont be happening before myself & the kids move.

He wants to wait - could be months. He works away Mon-Fri so kids used to him not being here. I will not allow him to move with us or keep his stuff or let him come stay at the weekend or he will never leave! Hes not a bad man but exceptionally unorganized and has form for putting of things that are difficult.

I could find him somewhere to rent but I am not going to do so because thats mostly the reason for the divorce in the first place (being the only adult basically!).

So to those of you who have been there before - what do I do?

I think you tell them that he’s looking for somewhere. Make it clear to the ex though that it’s not acceptable for him not to find something as he has to have the kids and clearly can’t do that in a hotel. Ask him when he’s going to look given it only took you a day to find yours.

I would tell them that he is not moving with you ...all you can say is he is looking for somewhere and he will let them know.

You need to be clear to landlord/him you are not responsible for his stuff..can you get your name off the tenancy if he doesn't sort his stuff?

Its not up to him what you do/say anymore

Tell them NOW. Be honest
Come clear. Dont be that mum that tells the kids AFTER the dad is gone that the marriage is over.
They are 8 and 10. Come on
Tell them now. You dont want your husband moving out, kids beinf upset and them ending up blaming you. ..

Tell them NOW.
My mum and dad's divorce killed me and it was mainly because I didn't understand it and I ended up projecting a lot of the blame on myself because I was never told properly what was happening.
It'll hurt them more than you think, especially if you hide it from them.

Yes, you need to tell them that he won't be moving with you.

And do stick to your guns, otherwise he's just going to come with you.

I'll tell them that once they move home dad is going to live in another house. If they ask tell them.
They may already have a idea of what's going on.
Do it ASAP. Not easy but you'll never find the right time.
Best of luck for the future.

There is not a best time but do not put it off.

You would be going to his level by doing so, given your comment about his own form for putting off difficult things.

Just a quick update. We told the kids and they are fine!! A few tears om hearing the news....but went MUCH better than expected! Its going really well.

Just wanted to say that in case anyone is in the same boat!

Great update. Be prepared for a delayed reaction though. It may take time for them to fully process the changes, as it did with my DS. Be as honest and open as you can with any questions that may arise. Don't sugar coat anything. Sounds like you and your ex are amicable, which is a massive bonus for the kids.

Sorry, just noticed the dates between 1st post and latest one.

@Jadetreesbringluck

Just a quick update. We told the kids and they are fine!! A few tears om hearing the news....but went MUCH better than expected! Its going really well.

Just wanted to say that in case anyone is in the same boat!

Could I ask how you told them, any advice? I'm very much in that boat, similar aged children, and feel shaky and sick just thinking about it. Thank you