his job bores me

[jinniefromtheblock]

my partner works in accounting and every day after he finishes work he'll rant on and on about his colleagues, clients and his workload, or stress over the fact he's not getting a raise/promotion and it's honestly boring me to tears. I'm a florist in a small corner shop so obviously it's a very different world and I tend to leave my work at work and i'll want to do lighthearted things like watch trash tv, but he's always so serious about his career and will spend the evenings working too.

I used to try and take an interest but i'm at the point now where i'm just switching off or changing the subject and I know sometimes this hurts him. I don't want him to feel like he bores me but at the same time I have zero interest in his profession. This makes me feel guilty because it's a job he's really proud of and he plans to work in this field long-term.

He's not a boring person generally but his interests are vastly different from mine. He'll often read about politics, business affairs etc and will try to get me interested but it's just not my thing.

Can we still make it work if we have such different careers/interests?

Do you want to make it work OP? It doesn't sound much fun or very fulfilling. To be honest it sounds like it is on the way out.

I don't think it's his job. I used to date an accountant, they never did any of this and often joked their job was 'boring' so rarely brought it up at home let alone revolved their life around it in the way you describe. He was often busy as it was demanding but that's about it. It sounds more like it's his personality OP, and an incompatibility between you. If he tries to encourage you to enjoy his interests to no avail it is likely to not be that fulfilling for him either.

I would day though, his stress levels sound unheathly and that can't be nice to be around. Presumably as he has no plans to change career and wants a promotion rather than a less stressful role this will always be the case. Just because you 'can' make something work doesn't always mean you should.

You’re a florist who watches trash tv, he’s an accountant interested in politics and business. You don’t seem to have a lot in common.

How compatible do you think you are: emotionally/sexually/intellectually? What do you do for fun?

Is he just letting off steam after work? I'd let him Moan for 15 minutes to be honest if it helps to get it off his chest. Make it clear though that after that your not there for him to offload on. Tell him to ring his mum lol

You’re not compatible

My dad used to drone on and on about work when he got home. My sisters husband does this too. It's exhausting and boring. In general we don't talk about work at home. Obviously if either of us needs to talk something over we do. But really it's emotionally draining to have someone talk at you about work. So I think this is more of an issue than the fact you have different interests. Does he ask about your day? What do you do together?

You could try and say you would like to leave work at work. But I think for a lot of people it's habit. Also from real life experience and reading on here I feel a lot of the time it's men talking to women about work. Kind of using their emotional intelligence to negotiate situations they would struggle with alone.

@TheStoic

You’re a florist who watches trash tv, he’s an accountant interested in politics and business. You don’t seem to have a lot in common.

How compatible do you think you are: emotionally/sexually/intellectually? What do you do for fun?

emotionally and sexually we're very compatible & intellectually, I'd say we're average (he's more intellectual than me but I'm far from stupid). For fun, we often go out for drinks with friends, watch action movies, go on road trips and cook together. So it's not like all is lost, it's just that work is a major part of life and his job happens to be a bit draining on the relationship rn.

DH went through a stressful time at work recently so I can kind of empathise... You want to support him but the constant ranting about it wears thin. At least the rants about his boss/politics were somewhat interesting but he would also talk about documentation that means nothing to me and systems changes and it's very hard to feign interest in that level of detail when you don't work in the area

We had a chat where I said I know work is stressful and I want to support you, but by talking about it constantly outside of work you're stopping yourself switching off and letting it take over your life (our lives!!) which won't help your stress levels. Since then, after work he vents for a few minutes and I'm sympathetic or give advice, but that's it for the evening and if he starts again later or over a weekend I remind him about our conversion and that there's no point letting work ruin his free time. At least then when I change the subject he feels like it's not me being bored or not caring. It's helped us get a balance where he doesn't feel like I don't care and I'm not constantly listening to the same complaints, or at least my time listening to them has reduced!

I laughed at someone referring to an accountant as not boring! Memories of those I was at university. I think I knew all the boring people who went on to become accountants (Monty Python I am sure is not on any accountant's Christmas present wish list!!).

His working evenings should concern you above all- a few minute rant at the end of the day is one thing, but work must not dominate anyone's life.

It's one thing to share a little moan with your partner about work, but it sounds like he is holding you hostage as his emotional punching bag. I would be telling him that I've had enough, and his droning on is not fair.

Aside from that, I do believe you may need to rethink this relationship. It doesn't seem to be making you very happy.

@nosswith

I laughed at someone referring to an accountant as not boring! Memories of those I was at university. I think I knew all the boring people who went on to become accountants (Monty Python I am sure is not on any accountant's Christmas present wish list!!).

His working evenings should concern you above all- a few minute rant at the end of the day is one thing, but work must not dominate anyone's life.

Hey don't mock, that's very judgments of you! Being in finance/accountant doesn't mean you don't have a sense of humour!

So all florists only like trash tv???

OP I don't think it's the job. It's the offloading to you. He would prob be the same with any job he had.
Or if he worked in the circus or something more exciting that would be ok to moan about for hours?
No course not.

My husband did this about his work, God it bored the hell out of me. I eventually snapped and said I couldn't take it any more! Then he didn't talk about his work AT ALL for about seven years. (Bliss!) Longest mini huff ever (not really, he's really easy going).

So , maybe dont snap like I did and just say work talk is limited to when we are making dinner. Nothing during/ after dinner. That's what we do now and it works quite well for us.

Consider this:
Man comes home every night and rants to his SAHW about his job because it dominates his daily existence and stresses him out.
Woman spends all day at home and when man comes home she rants about the stresses of childcare because it dominates her daily existence and stresses her out.
Both will initially feel sympathy towards the other and they’ll want to find solutions to fix things but eventually they’ll realise there is nothing they can do - life is stressfully, unless you’re doing it wrong.
What both people need to do is develop tin ears when it comes to stuff that is mere “letting off steam at the end of the day” and management strategies for changing the things that can be changed....oh, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Sometimes you just have to learn not to give a sh!t for everyones’ sake becuse nowhere is it written that life should be great all the time.

He might need a career coach. Executive coaches are fabulous. He needs proper advice like he'd get in monthly sessions with a coach. Suggest that.

Also, maybe ask him not to get rid of his negative emotions by dumping them on you whenever he gets home. Go for a run instead love, or shout into the air about it all in the car on the way home please. Sometimes people don't realise they have made you into an emotional coat rack.

DP and I both have quite stressful and emotionally draining jobs in the same industry. Most evenings we try to have a quick rant, and then move on, rather than let it dominate our evenings.

If he is great in all other ways, tell him he has 30 minutes to have a really good moan, and then he has to stop.

Irrespective of what job he does, or your relative levels of intelligence, your problem is that he’s dumping on you when he gets in.

I’ve known loads of men who do this. Including my husband. It’s always a variant on ‘nobody realises my genius, if only my colleagues would acknowledge that they are wrong and I am right blah blah’. Plus, it’s usually the same story every night.

My solution is, I tell my husband that he has ten minutes to rant about work and no more. I time him. It’s been more challenging during lockdown because he has a tendency to walk into whatever room I am working in and start ranting, but he is slowly learning that that is not appropriate behaviour!

As a previous post said/ give him 15 minutes to talk about work when he gets in and then you both switch off.