Worried bullying will continue

[MumOfDiamonds]

Posted here as the bullying section didn't receive any replies.

Hi, I'm hoping to get a bit of advice on what I should do in regards to school and to see if anyone else has had any positive similar stories.

My DD is due to start year 8 next week. In primary school she was well liked, never really bullied but had a few sly digs aimed at her, being called teachers pet and so on. One of the girls who use to do this, continued it in year 7, negatively commenting on my DD's looks for example. This girl is badly behaved, been suspended a few times already and is known to bully other children.

My DD likes to go to the local park, which is a 10 min walk away. I collected her in car one evening and this girl, her friend and 2 younger children were waiting to cross. As I was driving past, the 2 youngest purposely ran across and I had to break heavily. My window was open and shouted that they were silly girls, which just came out without me even thinking. The next day DD was at the park and the girl came in and began saying I called the girls fat cunts, which I obviously never and they were saying this as an excuse to pick on DD. They began calling DD and her friends fat cows (they aren't fat, not that it should matter) and one of the girls was saying the other was a 'pussy' for not hitting my DD (DD had secretly text me and I was on the way). When I got there they were following my DD out the park and I got out my car as my DD bust in to tears. They then said I was wrong for saying what I apparently said to the girls and I corrected them, telling them they were silly and they could have been seriously injured for what they did. Then we left.

I am now so worried that this will continue in school next week. My DD is very very quiet, not much confidence but she has a lovely group of friends.

I don't know the girls mum at all, although I know her name and could find her on social but I don't feel this is the best way, and I think it could make things worse. My plan is to ring ahead the day before school starts and let them know what happened and to ask that if they happen to be in the same lessons, that they are not seated together. Would this be enough? I'm also going to take and collect her through September until I start back at University.

Does anyone have any advice on what else I can do to protect DD? She is the least confrontational person I know, so she's not great in these situations.

Thanks ( sorry it's long! )

Bumping

My son was bullied in school, he was younger and the outcome was eventually we had to change schools. I really hope this is different for you. As I experienced myself at school girls bully very differently from boys .... I would suggest at this stage you should be very much a supportive role as much as you can be without interfering too much. When you phone the school tell them you want this dealt with with absolute discretion, ask to speak directly to your daughters counselling/guidance teacher and don't be afraid to go to the head teacher if necessary (I ended up going down this route).

Spend the time just now asking your daughter what she is most worried about going back to school. Maybe run through possible outcomes/scenarios and she can prepare how she could react to cause minimal disruption. Maybe speak to your daughters friends mother's? I did this and I found them very supportive and helpful.

Hi greygoose, thanks for replying. Her best friends mum is very supportive as this girl has also been intimidating her DD. I'm hoping the school will be encouraging students to stay in their friendship groups at break times and hopefully this will keep some distance. My DD has said that in year 7, she never saw this girl during break-time so I hope this continues. I blame my self for getting involved at the park and correcting her lies, but I hated seeing my DD upset. I wish I'd never allowed her to the park. Although think this would have happened eventually anyway as it looks like she was just looking for a reason to start on DD.
DD and her friends have always been in their little friendship bubble and they don't really chat to anyone else and keep themselves to themselves.

I will call the head of house the day before they go back, just to make her aware of the situation and ask her to try and keep them apart if they happen to be in the same classes.

Aren’t they supposed to be socially distancing? Ring the school and say you want them kept separated for this year. Zero contact or overlap. Do not let her go to places like parks where this girl will be

This girls have been socially distancing. My DD only meets her friends in groups of 3, which I think is still allowed? They don't cuddle and are pretty sensible and keep their distance with each other.

I've not allowed her to the park since this happened, which was over a week ago and I won't be allowing her to go there in the future.

It's an awful situation to be in , it really is. You want to do everything you can to protect your children. Be open with your daughter and make sure she knows she can talk to you about it fully and you will respond as she wants you to. (To a point). It's one of those awful life lessons that you wish you didn't have to learn and you really wish your daughter didn't have to learn. I know this is very early days and you probably won't need to consider this but we ended up getting counselling for our son as he withdrew so much afterwards. it can be very difficult to be placed in the situation your daughter is in. I hope that it dies down by the time you go back. I know when I was at school sometimes these power struggles were like a flash in the pan at times, other times more ongoing.

I don't think you did anything wrong with your reaction in the car and correcting their lies about it. I think most people would have did the same.

I think your daughter sounds lucky to have you tbh.

Thank you again greygoose. I've looked at every scenario that could possibly happen and the one I keep coming to is that if it was to turn physical, I would pull her out of school and home educate until she was ready to face a new one. DD is thick skinned and she still wants to be out seeing her friends so I honestly think it is effecting me more then her. Although if it turned physical I know it would really effect her.