Heartbroken & carrying on for baby

[sweetiecake97]

Me and my ex had our baby son 6 months ago. We have been on and off for a few years due to him messing me about, one minute he loves me the next he doesn't want me. So when we had baby we ended up being back together - he asked me and I was foolish enough to take him back, I was loved up, I had my little family! He seemed completely different, he helped me so much in hospital as I had to have a C-Section and was a brilliant dad and boyfriend. Then he went working away and began getting colder and colder with me till one day he said he was having second thoughts. Bearing in mind he had me looking at mortgages with him and we even went to view a house the day before he ended it. He was telling me he loved me and missed me all the time and how much he missed us both when we wasnt together. He had no reason to why he ended it. Then 2 weeks later i've found he had been talking to someone else shes 'babe❤️❤️❤️' in his phone. Im absolutely devastated and broken he could do this. He hasnt seen his son in weeks and when we arrange it he changes the plan last minute. We have had a massive argument about how he could move on so quickly and hasnt even seen or asked about his son. Im broken and dont know what to do. Hes so cold hearted and just dumped me and our son like we are nothing 😭😭

You are better off without him.

Please tell me he is at least paying for his child?

It doesn't feel like it now, but you are much better off without him.

What a complete dickhead. I'm so sorry OP.
It's much easier said than done but you need to be strong for your boy, now-don't make arrangements for this man to see DS, it's up to him to step up, don't beg and plead and argue, you and your DS are worth so much more.
Where are you living? Do you have real life support?

I’m sorry you are heartbroken its so tough but it really is for the best- you will now in time be able to find someone who truly values and loves you instead of someone who is really not sure. Your son wont know any different. I hope he is paying maintenance. I think he may well loose interest in thr baby. Its you and your boy now - mum and son together! It will get easier and frankly you can do without someone messing with your heart. You deserve so much better dont you? Dont let him back in future as you will just be repeating the cycle leading to more unhappiness and sadness. He’s not for you.

Luckily i'm livin with my parents and have a good support system with my family. Im pretty sure he is a narcissist, he has no empathy and is so self centred! He messaged me yesterday - but only asking for his iPad back not about his child! I feel like running away with my son away from it all 😢

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape!

I'm so sorry OP🌺
He's just a feckless selfiesh child-man☹️he will reap what he sows☹️
I'm so pleased to read that you have good family support ....there's a team that have your back😊

It seems this relationship or former relationship lacked stability for quite a while.

Just try and focus on your baby and build as good a life as you can, with the view that he will not be reliable and this reduced expectation will avoid disappointment.

Make the best of what you have and look to a bright future.

What age you are? I ask because 28 years ago at 21 I had my son in similar circumstances. His Dad and I were teenage sweethearts except by the time our son was born he wasn't so sweet. He would mess me about, we'd split up, I'd be distraught, we'd get back together, this went on til our son was two years old and I had enough, I couldn't let him mess his son around like he did me, not turning up when meant to, vanishing away for days drinking and cheating on me, I was very fortunate to have wonderful parents that I'd moved back home to so with their support and the support of some good friends I dumped him for good, I encouraged a relationship between him and our son but by the time he turned 5 his Dad decided not to continue seeing him. I took him to court for maintenance and had him arrested a few times for non payment. All pretty horrible stuff BUT this is why I'm telling you, I'm 12 years married now, I met my husband when my son was 9, we married when he was 16, he was groomsman at the wedding, he calls my husband Dad and that was something that he choose to do, we were actually shocked the first time he did so (aged 11) considering we never lived together before getting married. Between splitting up from my ex and meeting my husband I studied while working, bought a site and built a house, dated (quite a few) and had some really fun times, spent summer weekends camping with my son, cheap holidays because money was going on house, I did my best to make sure my son seen his grandparents, aunts and uncles on his fathers side regularly because I think that family connection is important. When I split with my ex first i was only 23 and i thought I'd be alone forever, he had convinced me no one else would want me and that I was ugly, I look at photos and see I was a size 8, curvy and blonde, not beautiful but not ugly either, within a few months i started dating a local guy who treated me like a queen, we were together until my son was five and while it didn't last I will always be grateful to him for restoring my confidence. I am sorry for the long post but I want you to know you can raise your child happily without being in this relationship, you can move on and be happy, you can do it alone or you can meet someone but you do not have to stay with someone who is not doing their absolute best to make you happy. Don't accept anything less than what you deserve and you deserve better that that twat!!!

You sound young op? I believe you are dodging a bullet here. He sounds useless. And you were naive to take him back. Let him go now. Focus on your baby and on yourself. And learn from this.... dont ever take him back! 😣

Better you know now than waste your life on this arsehole.

Give yourself time to grieve and then pick yourself up and make your life better without him. And go to CSA for money. He should be paying, even if he can't be bothered to see your DS.

Sweetie ignore people who try to kick you when you're down!
Lots of women make the error of having children with men who are dysfunctional, you can move past this and make a good life for you and your child

@user1468538201

What age you are? I ask because 28 years ago at 21 I had my son in similar circumstances. His Dad and I were teenage sweethearts except by the time our son was born he wasn't so sweet. He would mess me about, we'd split up, I'd be distraught, we'd get back together, this went on til our son was two years old and I had enough, I couldn't let him mess his son around like he did me, not turning up when meant to, vanishing away for days drinking and cheating on me, I was very fortunate to have wonderful parents that I'd moved back home to so with their support and the support of some good friends I dumped him for good, I encouraged a relationship between him and our son but by the time he turned 5 his Dad decided not to continue seeing him. I took him to court for maintenance and had him arrested a few times for non payment. All pretty horrible stuff BUT this is why I'm telling you, I'm 12 years married now, I met my husband when my son was 9, we married when he was 16, he was groomsman at the wedding, he calls my husband Dad and that was something that he choose to do, we were actually shocked the first time he did so (aged 11) considering we never lived together before getting married. Between splitting up from my ex and meeting my husband I studied while working, bought a site and built a house, dated (quite a few) and had some really fun times, spent summer weekends camping with my son, cheap holidays because money was going on house, I did my best to make sure my son seen his grandparents, aunts and uncles on his fathers side regularly because I think that family connection is important. When I split with my ex first i was only 23 and i thought I'd be alone forever, he had convinced me no one else would want me and that I was ugly, I look at photos and see I was a size 8, curvy and blonde, not beautiful but not ugly either, within a few months i started dating a local guy who treated me like a queen, we were together until my son was five and while it didn't last I will always be grateful to him for restoring my confidence. I am sorry for the long post but I want you to know you can raise your child happily without being in this relationship, you can move on and be happy, you can do it alone or you can meet someone but you do not have to stay with someone who is not doing their absolute best to make you happy. Don't accept anything less than what you deserve and you deserve better that that twat!!!

I'm 22, thankyou for sharing your experience you sound a lovely person and well done for getting through it! It does give me hope, its just really hard at the minute 😊

Thankyou everyone! I do see hope eventually, I'm only 22 but he was the love of my life so it's really hard. I am struggling but I'm trying to keep busy to occupy my mind, It's hard because I know hes messing around with another girl, and dumped me and his son.I expect at somepoint he will try to come back but i've learnt my lesson, people like that dont change! Its upsetting to think hes missing out in his child growing up, hes already sitting up, clapping, and trying to stand up - which his dad has never seen.

I would definitely return his iPad, after it's had a very thorough bath clean.

@Tabithha

No I won’t apologise because everything I said is true. Yes her sons dad is useless but she needs to take accountability too. She knew what kind of person he was but still chose to have a kid with him in order to feel ‘loved up’ well that lovely feeling didn’t last long did it? Why do women think a baby will make a useless man change? It wont. Who knows what kind of trauma her son will have once he learns how his father rejected him? All because his mum didn’t respect herself enough to tell a waste of space to piss off. The signs were all there but she chose to ignore them and now her innocent child will suffer the consequences.

I accept the fact that I made a mistake, thankyou for pointing that out. But until it happens to you then you know nothing, especially about my situation. My son is going to have the best life possible that I can give him so I dont appreciate your nasty comments. Not everyone is a strong minded as yourself, I wish i was believe me! And to make out like i'm selfish for feeling 'loved up' with the father of my child is out of order. All I wanted was a family, it hasn't worked out but I would have regretted not trying. I never thought having a child with someone would make things better, but we were both over the moon at the time - nobody can predict the future can they? I appreciate you have an opinion but to make me feel even more shitter when im down is just nasty. Lets hope you never make a mistake then. Nothing nice to say - dont say it at all!