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Is this out of order?

7 replies

Anonymouscat20 · 01/09/2020 15:25

My partner and I (same sex couple females) have been together for 2 years. We were at a garden BBQ the other week where her gay male best friend had too much too drink (and who usually is the life and soul of every party....go figure) ended up taking me aside to talk to me. They have been friends for 15 years and spoke about him being a donor for her as a joke many many moons ago.

But at this chat with me he openly told me he loved her and would do anything for her, including laying his life on the line for her. That her mum amongst others have said that they are so close that they should just get married. He said he would marry her in a heartbeat and could easily cohabitate with her but when it came to bring intimate, he couldn’t. But he brought up the fact that he thinks they should marry because they’d have a great life and could have sexual relationships outside of the marriage. I was shocked.

Then he tells me they recently discussed having kids together again, but that he would need to be involved as he couldn’t just be a donor so technically it wouldn’t work, but in his words ‘he would give her a baby in a heartbeat’. This was all very hard for me to listen to as that is my partner and it was at a family event, where luckily with music blaring nobody else heard. My partner heard parts but didn’t say anything. She pulled me aside after and asked me what was said and she said not to believe him as he talks so much rubbish when drunk. I said to her that she should have interrupted and called him out and she said it wasn’t worth it as he would have just exploded and made things more embarrassing as he was already causing issues and being obnoxious to her brother.

Am I wrong for being upset at hearing this and thinking this is out of order? He usually moans when she is through seeing me and phones and texts her everyday. When we’re not together he is with her.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 01/09/2020 15:42

There are three people in your relationship.

Sorry.

Anonymouscat20 · 01/09/2020 15:46

Nanny0gg - yes I know, unfortunately I realised this a couple of months back when he split up with his partner and latched on to mine. But I was wondering if the above situation was out of order or if I was just getting upset over nothing....

OP posts:
motherofdxughters · 01/09/2020 15:51

Completely out of order. There are three people in your relationship and your partner needs to put in place some firm boundaries for herself and her best friend if this is going to work.

Pinkyaandthebrain · 01/09/2020 16:05

Sounds like a very strange dynamic. Is your DP afraid of him? He sounds controlling and jealous at the very least.

Anonymouscat20 · 01/09/2020 16:14

Pinkyaandthebrain - no she isn’t scared, they are best friends, people always comment on how close they are (to a fault), and some people find it strange, including me. She just has to tread carefully with him when he’s had a drink as he is a bit of a loose cannon and she didn’t want anything to kick off as it was her family’s event

OP posts:
DandyMandy · 01/09/2020 16:27

Absolutely out of order. I'm sorry you've got someone butting into your relationship. If you and your partner want children, do not use this man as the donor. He's way too involved as it is and you'll never get a moment of peace if he's in the picture.

Shamoo · 01/09/2020 16:33

Whatever you do, do not start a family with your partner using his sperm. It will be a complete disaster!

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