He doesn’t understand why we can’t be friends

[ItsOverNow11]

Finally plucked up the courage to end a painful relationship with a lovely but messed up man.

We were friends for years before getting together. He’s still not over his divorce and I finally realised that he wasn’t fully available so ended it.

I need a clean break to get over him but he thinks we should be able to be friends again in time. No matter what I say, he believes this and doesn’t understand why I don’t feel that’s possible.

I mean I’m heartbroken. And he’s got a lot of issues. I think he’s going to miss me being his therapist more than anything else and I deserve so much more.

How do I get through to him that my reasons are not simply cutting my nose off to spite my face?

"God parent to my niece"

I mean this nicely, but I think you're using this as an excuse not to block him. He doesn't need to be able to contact you about your niece. I think you like knowing that he misses you a lot. Totally understandable, but if you really want to be able to move on you'll block him as he's not respecting your wishes not to be contacted is he. But you're right. There's no way you can be friends. Not while there are still feelings on both sides.

I think you like knowing that he misses you a lot

Actually I think it would be easier if he didn’t miss me. What makes it so fucking hard to move on is that he misses me and I miss him. But there’s no way that I’m going to continue with a man who has commitment issues.

There is a book called mr unavailable, read that. You have to let him go and cut contact. If you stay friends or in touch he would never value you. Maybe if he loses you he would come to his senses and get over his commitment issues, or maybe not, but either way would would have a better outcome

If you can't block him then just ignore any messages he sends you that pertain to you and he or the relationship.

@ItsOverNow11 how long were you together for? I agree with one of the posters here @workhomesleeprepeat I think it was. He wants to be the Mr Nice Guy. In a similar ish position myself. However asked him not to contact me and he has kept to that. Hurts though. You need time here. I’m like you as in find it hard to think we can be friends at the moment though miss that side like crazy. I think had I stayed in contact it would have been harder.