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Original poster

Affair with prostitute

21 replies

LAG2020 · 01/09/2020 04:23

Does anyone else have experience of this? Found out Friday that my partner of 14 years has been having an affair with a prostitute! In July I found out he was having an affair although didn’t realise all of it then. He moved out to give us space but we were in the process of trying to reconcile, including couples and individual counselling. On Friday I received an email from the AP, which to cut a long story short, he never stopped the affair with her. I eventually found out from him that she was a prostitute. He met her online and then asked her to give up for him. I just don’t understand it and makes me feel sick. We had a healthy sex life and he could have walked away as we have no kids together and are financially independent. He says he loves me and only me and doesn’t understand what he has done and keeps bombarding me with texts saying he is so sorry and can’t believe what he has done. I have told him it is over and am selling the house but we share a business so I have to see him. But I just don’t understand how he could do what he has done. He is 62 and I’m 51 and the AP is 45. We aren’t kids. How could he do something like this? He is not the man I fell in love with and feel so devastated. I honestly thought I’d spend the rest of my life with him but can’t believe anything he says now.

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 01/09/2020 04:44

Whatever the reason, that's some amount of lying, even during reconciliation attempt. Either he likes the chase and now he's chasing you as he's lost you ( he'll do it again if you give in), or he got burned by the prostitute so he'd rather get you back than have nobody. Outside chance, dementia causing loss of inhibition - has been known, but there would be other signs.

Wishingstarr · 01/09/2020 04:58

I wouldn't want to be with a man who had betrayed me so badly. If you are financially independent start a new life.

ulanbatorismynextstop · 01/09/2020 05:00

An affair with a prostitute when he's 52, honestly he really should know better. Get yourself checked at the GUM clinic. You're 2nd best in his eyes, sell the house and don't look back.

Original poster
LAG2020 · 01/09/2020 05:28

I know you are all correct. Just so hard to believe this is the same man I fell in love with all those years ago but clearly he has changed and not worth it anymore. Still doesn’t make it easy to move on but I know it has to happen as ultimately he doesn’t care at all about me

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 01/09/2020 05:30

Was it actually an affair though? Or was he paying her?

Howallergic · 01/09/2020 05:35

What is an AP?

Original poster
LAG2020 · 01/09/2020 05:39

Sorry read so many self help things since I found out in July - affair partner
Yes believe it was an affair - he paid for meals, holidays etc and gave her money. Not sure if regular but she gave up all clients and thought they were in a relationship. She ended it when she realised he must be seeing someone else as lied about his whereabouts one night. He was with me. She didn’t know.

OP posts:
lookatmememe · 01/09/2020 06:18

Divorce him - sell house - sell business - start again on your own somewhere new and don't look back. Best of luck to you . You can get through this.

Jayaywhynot · 01/09/2020 06:47

Well there you have it, she dumped him when she found out about you so now he wants you back.
If she hadn't dumped him he would still be having an affair with no thought or concern about you.
Doesn't really matter if he's not the bloke you fell in love with, if he's changed etc hes betrayed you and now wants his comfortable life back as he has no one now.
As hard as it is you need to be strong and stick to your guns, at 51 and financially secure you can move on and be happy.
Good luck to you Flowers

LateSummerGarden · 01/09/2020 08:09

She ended it when she realised he must be seeing someone else as lied about his whereabouts one night

Ok so firstly, he came back to you because she ended it. Do you really want to be his 'better than nothing'?

Secondly, she did exactly what you should be doing. She ended it on the evidence of him lying about his whereabouts on one night (so clearly didnt know she was an AP). You are considering continuing it knowing that he had an affair. She need to show yourself the same consideration she has shown herself in this matter.

No kids and financially independent? I'd be off like a shot. I deserve better than that and surely you think you do too?

Original poster
LAG2020 · 01/09/2020 09:05

I know I do and am not considering getting back with him. Just looking for an explanation of how someone can act like he can - but guess only he knows that.

OP posts:
copperoliver · 02/09/2020 17:19

I know it's hard but you are better off without him. What he has done is unforgivable. Please get yourself checked out.
You deserve someone who will treat you better. X

Sssloou · 02/09/2020 18:31

It won’t help you to search for clues to understand how he could do something like that because there is no rational reason apart from he felt entitled to and doesn’t care about you.

Sounds like you are in total shock. Once this has worn off - do not waste another minute wondering about him - but think about YOU and your recovery - what do you need to do to move on from this practically and emotionally.

Also know that she wasn’t his first sex worker.

nosswith · 02/09/2020 19:20

It's an affair. Whatever the other woman does to earn a living. Reason enough to end the relationship.

fuandylp · 02/09/2020 20:14

Did he pay to have sex with her before it turned into an affair?
It makes no difference really though.
It just gives you yet another reason to boot him out for good.
What I mean is, that it's actually irrelevant what her job is - he was having an affair over a long period of time and she had no idea he was in a relationship.
Then add on to that the possibility that he was paying for sex before this and it's even worse.

He's a liar and a cheat. Get rid.

Unknown69 · 10/09/2020 22:59

@AfterSchoolWorry

Was it actually an affair though? Or was he paying her?
It would still be an affair if he pairs her or not wouldn't it
Biscuitsdisappear · 11/09/2020 11:57

Sounds more like she has found a very lucrative business partner to me. Surely an affair implies two consulting adults, if he is paying for it then she is literally taking him for a ride.

popcornlover · 11/09/2020 12:15

Someone who goes to my tennis club (mostly to pout) I was told used to be a prostitute, married one of her rich clients, divorced, and now lives in a massive townhouse in Chelsea, as a lady of leisure.

username501 · 11/09/2020 12:35

Some people have an ability to compartmentalise. He may have cheated with sex workers throughout the relationship. Some people are very entitled and believe that they deserve to cheat. They have a nice home usually kept by their spouse who takes care of their and their children's needs. Since they contribute financially, they believe that they are owed a mistress as their spouse is busy running their house and parenting. The lover or mistress gives them the attention they feel entitled to.

I would get an STD test to make sure he hasn't given you anything. I would divorce him as quick as I possibly could and I would feel sympathy for the next schmuck in his life.

He's not the person you thought he was OP.

Chelseachic · 15/04/2021 21:53

my brother in law did that too ! He thought he had a mistress and control but he was just a sad mid-life mess up guy and she was ripping him off. She tried to blackmail him and then he realised what an idiot he was and plunged into the actual depression he was suffering from all along.So he's now back being a really nice guy. They have kids...she is ok most of the time and some of the time she wants to stab him...still she decided to put that on the back burner until she had decided...what she wants... right now 3 years later she's still deciding and he runs around like her assistant...doing everything for her...its kinda crazy but she's getting her revenge treats him like a Labrador ...maybe that's the best he deserves !

BRB2021 · 15/04/2021 21:59

@MNHQ Can't you stop people resurrecting Zombie threads? Can you not have an automatic block on posts after 6 months?

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