I will try and keep this short so it's not a long read.
My DF was emotionally and physically abusive during my childhood, and my DM did nothing to stop him.
Eventually DF left us when I was 17 (which was a relief). I have realised DM has been quiet toxic to me but I have always forgiven her because she was essentially the only okay ish parent I had.
For some context, I'm from a very strict cultural background...and I have "had a child out of wedlock", and I've bought a house with my DP and we live together "unmarried"
I have never really followed the "cultural expectations" so I am certainly not a favourite in my family.
She will spend weeks being nice to me and then be really mean and the next week start being nice again. It's really confusing so I'll give an example and hope I don't out myself.
- DM arranged a family photoshoot which myself, DP and DC went to pre lock down.
- DM collected prints a few weeks ago (the studio had been closed before). DM's brother went with her to the studio as she doesn't drive and the prints are quiet large.
- DM calls me and accuses me of speaking negatively about her to her brother (which I deny because it literally didn't happen). She specifically says that her brother has told her that I said she's wasting her money on purchasing these expensive photos.
- even after I tell DM that I didn't say this and how she spends her money is of no business of mine, DM insists I must have said that, and "it's okay because we've been through worse and we will get through it and she loves me still"
There's been so many other incidents. One of which I went on holiday with her and my DS last August to the country we originate from. During the holiday she was so nasty, I ended up literally walking out of the family home with only my hand bag and DS, and trying to find a hotel to stay in for the last few days. This was obviously distressing for my DS and I tried to be strong for him. Luckily my DP was able to find a hotel and rang them to send me a taxi also as I literally didn't know where I was.
DM and her family insist I was in the wrong for walking out despite her behaviour.
I just feel like absolutely no one understands how awful it is to have this kind of relationship with her. My DB is golden child, so he doesn't get any of this from her. The rest of my family prioritise the "culture" over anything. My DP has lovely parents who we see nearly weekly, so this is all confusing to him also. DP is supportive of me but I don't think he actually knows what to do or say, at the moment his had enough of her behaviour and thinks I need to go NC.
So I just wanted some advise on:
- how do I get therapy? When I've tried to get therapy for my low mood and anxiety through my GP. I have only had CBT sessions which don't really help the deeper stuff in how I've even ended up this way emotionally.
It's like 8-10 sessions, and I think I need to work through all this.
- have you gone low contact or no contact with your DM? How did you do this? Practical advise would be really helpful please as I don't know how to do this. It's really hard cos sometimes she's really nice.