Feel like I'm about to have the rug pulled out from under me.
DH and I have been together ten years. When we were dating I lived in my flat in London while he lived at his army base a couple of hours away and commuted back most weekends. I would say he made it home 3 weekends a month arriving on Friday night and leaving again on Sunday afternoon.
We married a few years ago and I got a job much closer to DH's work so we could finally live together. I left my friends and family behind and spent three very lonely years trying to make the best of it but I was relieved when his contract came to end last and we moved back to London together. We now live together near our friends and family in a beautiful part of London with good access to the countryside and a great quality of life. We planned for this to be our "forever home". After years of living apart we've both adjusted really well to this.
But....DH is desperately unhappy in his London job. He tries hard to make it work but it's a very tedious job that doesn't utilise his full potential. He hates every moment of it.
He has been offered an amazing job back at his old base, two hours away. Promotion, slightly better pay, a more "exciting" job in a specialist field and more professional recognition. He has not accepted it yet as he knows this will mean the end of our current living situation. I am keeping very quiet but inside I am heartbroken, as I know he wants to take it.
I am not willing to give up our beautiful home and my job to follow him around the country again. I struggled with the loneliness of it last time and to be honest I don't know how I would respect myself if I followed him back there, sacrificing my own needs again for his career.
Relationship-wise we are good. Nothing has changed as far as our love and commitment to each other goes. Admittedly perhaps my pride is a little hurt knowing he would accept the job in a heartbeat if I gave my blessing.
I have been evaluating every scenario. Do I give him an ultimatum to stay in London or lose me? Do I pack everything in and follow him to his new job for the sake of our marriage knowing how resentful I will feel? Do I calmly suggest we end our marriage now so we can both pursue the lives we want?
I have concluded that I need to prepare myself for many more years of marriage spent living apart.
Please talk to me about your own experiences of living apart from your DH/DW or partner. Do you live separate lives? How have you made it work for you in the long term? Does it feel unsatisfying? Do you resent being lumbered with all of the responsibility for maintaining your home?