Should I stay or leave?

[icecreamtruck]

(Name change because I don't want it linking back to my main acc.)

I just need a sanity check on my plan, because I don't really have anyone else I can talk to, and my head is all over the place right now

Background: Ive been married a few yrs now, we have 1 DS and another DC on the way. At the start I agreed to live with MIL ( it was for cultural reasons plus she's a single mum so I took pity... big mistake I know.) After a couple of years it started getting very stressful for me especially after DS1 arrived because she started getting very controlling and overstepping me a lot. Ive tried my best to get on with her but its getting hard, and its started affecting my relationship as well. I have the worst anxiety, I can't sleep at nights.
One of the biggest problems is MiL and my SiLs exclude me a lot (eg: planning parties at home for 20+ guests and only telling me a day or 2 before and then I'm expected to help with everything coz SiLs do FA). I have spoken to MiLs and SiLs abt this but it doesn't change.
Today was the straw that broke the camels back. DH went and bought a new car without even telling me he was going to see a car or anything.

My plan: My maternal home is in another country. I want to go back there with DS because I don't have any close friends or family here. I desperately need a break to get my head straight. Once there, I plan to give him an ultimatum to provide me with a separate house to my MiL. If he refuses then we'll just have to look into separating I guess.
Is this a stupid plan? I can't think. Please be kind. I am a housewife, so I dont work. How does it work with custody? I don't really know anything and I dno where to start looking either. Please help :(

Will your husband allow your son to leave the country?

Come up with an excuse to go home, do not let on that you might not come back.
You must not let him know what you might do.
Go home.

@Aquamarine1029

Will your husband allow your son to leave the country?

I wasn't planning on telling him till I got to the airport... we're currently rowing so not talking anyway

A lot depends which country you're currently in and where you want to go. Do you even have a passport for your son?

Before you do anything, check that you would not be breaking any laws.
You know those horror stories of parents running off to another country, kidnapping their own child, while the other parent is left bereft and the child is deprived of their mum or dad? Think very carefully before playing the lead role in that.

Something to read for starters: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_child_abduction

@Aquamarine1029 yes I've got his passport

@ravenmum :( how Would I check that?

[quote ravenmum]Something to read for starters: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_child_abduction[/quote]
Thank you

You say you "can't think", but honestly, you need to. It's time to behave like an adult and make a logical plan. You need to actively gather the information you need in order to make mature decisions. You certainly don't want to do anything illegal that will only make your life 100% harder.

It all depends on what country you are from and where you are living.
If there is anything going on like abuse/violence, local women's shelters might be an alternative.

I'm not sure it's fair to advise the op to 'just go' based on her op. How would you feel as a parent if the other parent just left the country with your child?

With regard to the buying a new car and a separate house, this is a lot to do with your own finances and other people's experiences aren't really relevant.

Sorry but although he sounds like a twat you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT take your son out of the country, away from his other parent, without any discussion. Imagine if he did that to you.

What you can do is look at options. Sensibly, with good advice.

There is no violence thankgod

But I have nowhere else to go..

Start researching what benefits and housing you would be entitled to if you left your husband. You need to make a plan.

Depending on where you are, there are housing services. Sometimes culturally specific so they can give you better advice.

What size town are you in?
Is it the UK? You could start out with the citizens' advice line. Looks like the drop-in centres are still shut though :(

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/

@ravenmum thank you, I'm in London

Are you already a member of any communities related to your home country? They can be very helpful in this type of situation.
Same if you belong to a religious community.

For a start...

www.peoplefirstinfo.org.uk/media/9766/list-of-housing-associations-in-london-2019.pdf