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Original poster

He says such stupid things

28 replies

Blessed23 · 31/08/2020 07:53

Some of the things my husband says really run me up the wrong way!

Maybe I’m just being sensitive, I dunno.

He’s the kind of person that is always right and no one is as good as him!

For example since we were married he always asks me “aren’t you very proud to have my name, it’s the best surname, so rare” when I respond by saying well yes but I really liked my maiden name he’s like “yeah but it’s not as good as (his surname)”
It could come across as jokes but I’m telling you he’s 100% serious when he’s saying this

Another thing that pisses me off is that my family are Scottish and he always has sly comments to say, for example watching a tv show, and there is a Scottish contestant, he’ll ask who do you want to win, and if for some reason I pick the Scottish contestant he’ll disagree and say “no we don’t want fcking Scottish to win” which obviously riles me up because my family are “fcking Scottish” which in turn will end up with him saying oh it’s jokes etc
He comments on how my family are “foreign” and that all Scottish people are just angry alcoholics!

It just pisses me off so much, I don’t know if I’m over reacting

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 31/08/2020 07:55

You possibly are being sensitive....but if something gets on your nerves, then a) that’s perfectly valid and b) there isn’t anything you can do about it. And the examples you’ve given would definitely get on my nerves as well....

Not sure what to suggest - so not sure this is all that helpful!

ChickensMightFly · 31/08/2020 08:00

Baffled why you married him as he is clearly really irritating to you. If he was saying those things as though they were jokes but they weren't at all really that would be annoying.
My mum doesn't get my dad's sense of humour, which sounds odd doesn't it, but they have lots of other things that make them work and it doesn't seem to bother either of them. Clearly this bothers you so I wonder how sustainable the relationship can be (but shared humour is the bedrock of my marriage).
What does he say if you tell him it bothers you cos you know he isn't joking really?

FippertyGibbett · 31/08/2020 08:02

Why are you with him ?
He is bullying you.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 31/08/2020 08:05

Yeah I had one of those that liked to make jokes at my expense, apparently i was too sensitive too. Funny, no other person I've ever met made me feel like that, maybe he just brought out my sensitive side. Either way, i grew tired of his insults, thinly veiled as jokes, and started to answer back...he didnt like that very much.

TwilightPeace · 31/08/2020 08:05

He doesn’t sound like he likes you very much? He enjoys making fun of you and your family.
Do you love him? How long have you been married?
Sounds a bit of an arrogant knob but maybe he has some good points.....

MikeUniformMike · 31/08/2020 08:06

Don't rise to them.
I'd change my name back to my maiden name.

If he asks about the contestant, or refers to 'fucking Scottish' call him out on it.

Coffeecak3 · 31/08/2020 08:10

Is his surname rare?
Is he normally irrationally xenophobic?
He doesn't sound very bright tbh.

BiblioX · 31/08/2020 08:11

You don’t actually have to put up with being disrespected in your own home. If my husband ever said anything negative about my family name I’d be changing back immediately and looking to leave!

SkiingIsHeaven · 31/08/2020 08:12

Do it back to him and if he doesn't like it, point out that neither do you.

ThinkWittyThoughts · 31/08/2020 08:15

I'm half Welsh. You wouldn't know it if you met me (might get an inkling if you saw my ID as middle name is Welsh). Husband jokes about it all the time... but he really IS joking - it's funny.

However, if he was saying this stuff in all seriousness and then "only joking" after we'd be done. I'm not a toy to play with, I'm not a role of "wife" to applaud his every saying.

I too would change my name back. But then, I suspect this is just scratching the surface of his contempt. So if there is more to this, have a big long think about whether you could cope with 30-40+ years of having your family insulted to your face.... I couldn't.

SavoyCabbage · 31/08/2020 09:02

Change your name back and tartan up your house. I'd move to Scotland just to get away from his pathetic commentary,

KatherineJaneway · 31/08/2020 09:04

Sounds like he is spoiling for a fight.

SavoyCabbage · 31/08/2020 09:04

Have you got dc? Don't let this trickle down to their ears if so. If not, definitely move to Scotland. Alone.

RandomMess · 31/08/2020 09:14

I would be changing to my maiden name and announcing it in FaceBook having a celebratory dinner the works.

Whether he thinks he's right or trying to be funny it's horrid.

pickingdaisies · 31/08/2020 09:20

Yeah he's doing it on purpose. So when he says it's a "joke", what would his reaction be if you said, "Well, it's pissing me off, so stop it." If he took a look at himself and stopped it, he's worth another chance. I'm guessing though, that this is just the tip of a nasty little iceberg.

Chloemol · 31/08/2020 09:34

He’s a twat, doing it on purpose to get a rise out of you. He sounds like a bully if he thinks he has always got to be right

I would give him one more chance to get it right. Have a quiet word when he is not expecting it and tell him how it all makes you feel, that he is insulting your family etc.

If he then continues I would be looking at leaving, he’s not going to change and my guess is he will get worse. Do you want your children to grow up like him?

holrosea · 31/08/2020 10:45

The name thing is really insensitive - a name is intricately tied up in identity, belonging, and many women actually build a career and a reputation on their maiden name that, upon taking a husband's name, they may sacrifice to his ego lose.

Maybe I'm also being oversensitive but if I were regularly taunted that a name that I've had the good grace to accept is somehow "better", I'd be pretty riled up too.

The comments on Scots could be that he is a blundering fool and does not realise that he is causing real offence and irritation. You're going to have to say something though because a) he won't stop it unless you tell him and b) marraige involves hearing the same things from the same person more times than you can count. He'd best make it things you want o hear.

If his reaction is "don't be stupid, you're just sensitive, you've got a Scot's temper", obviously you need to consider if you like being married to him.

DeeTractor · 31/08/2020 10:52

Why did you marry this clown?

FippertyGibbett · 31/08/2020 10:53

Do you have children ?
I hope he’s not being disrespectful of your family in front of them.

SoulofanAggron · 31/08/2020 10:55

The name thing is kind of narcissistic, boasting about himself indirectly. The other things are designed to have a go at you (I think you would know if it was genuinely just joking- often these abusive types pass off their insults as jokes. Thinking about it, even the name thing is saying something about you isn't as good as something about him.

He tries to knock you down and big himself up at your expense.

This is a really bad sign to me.

How is he in other respects?

Papergirl1968 · 31/08/2020 10:58

It’s racist, just as it would be if your family came from an African or Asian country.

IlovecatsyesIdo · 31/08/2020 11:07

Has he always been like this? He sounds very obnoxious, this would annoy me too.
Does he have any redeeming features? Do you think he will ever change? Are you both generally happy being together?
These are the type of things you need to be asking yourself.

IlovecatsyesIdo · 31/08/2020 11:07

I like the change your name back idea from a PP too!

alfrew · 31/08/2020 11:10

Nothing worse than a rare name, people never know how to spell it.

Does he have a massive ego in general?

growinggreyer · 31/08/2020 11:11

Have you been together from being teenagers? Maybe you should have a conversation with him where you explain that you need to grow into an adult partnership and his 'jokes' seem very childish now so could he have a rethink about what he says. Personally I would feel disrespected and would be thinking about the future.

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