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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

mental state ruining relationship with DP

2 replies

allieo65 · 30/08/2020 22:39

Hi everyone!

I've been in a relationship with DP for 4.5 years. The first 3 years were very loving, we had a good sex life and lots of fun. In the last year or so things dwindled a bit - I suffered with huge anxiety and depression
issues last year. Now we are currently having next to no sex and generally we have been a bit more mopey. I started to get frustrated that he didn't always show his love and affection outwardly enough and I always felt I was planning things etc - basically he was too laid back.

This has slowly taken a toll on our relationship and it's gotten to the point where we are constantly overthinking and moping around in our house (we are renting). DP told me the other day that he feels our our relationship is coming to an end and it's run its course. This really panicked me. We mutually decided we wanted a break and he has now gone to see his parents for a few days.

But I've spent the last few days realising that it's ME that isn't happy, not our relationship making us unhappy. He's a fantastic and caring partner. But I have realised I wasnt happy in myself and I was looking for him to fill the void, instead of finding happiness for myself.

I'm worried now it's too late and I don't want to mess him about, but clarity has made me realise that the issues are down to my mental health. I really do love him so much and I'm scared it's too late and that he will come home and call it quits for good. What do I do now?

OP posts:
allieo65 · 30/08/2020 23:03

Oh also I'm on a waiting list for a PWP and to have CBT now

OP posts:
Harri891 · 31/08/2020 01:07

I am literally going through the same thing .. although I believe my partner also has to find his happiness too I think your partner may need to aswell. I'd definitely bring this up to him and then I would continue on the break google some books on finding self happiness and go from there. I wouldn't continue the relationship untill you have done that and encourage him to do that too. Because you will both need to be on the same wave length when you get back together else he will bring you right back down.

"Good vibes good life" is one I've started as I'm on this journey with you. But I think it will take a few months maybe a year.

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