Dating when you have a toddler. How hard is this going to be?

[redlipped]

I've started seeing someone, we've now been on 4 dates. It's the 5th person since I've been single that I've had a date with and I have a good feeling about it. He is 40 and I am 30. He says he is absolutely fine with the fact I have a toddler. He's very open minded and it doesn't seem to bother him at all. Thing is, my DS doesn't sleep through the night, I have never left him overnight before, anywhere, and i am an anxious mess thinking about how I balance my toddler and dating. I am ready to date again and would hate to let go of what seems like a wonderful man because of my toddler (I really don't want this). Can anyone offer any positive input? Can I make this work? Will the right man persevere?

Wait until your toddler is older and sleeping through the night.

@eatsleepread seems a shame to call off a really good thing until my son is sleeping through. God knows when that will be! Or he might smart sleeping through in a month and I will massively regret not continuing to date this guy.

Bump

@redlipped
Sorry, I was probably the wrong person to reply, as I'm old-fashioned with these things.
However, my reply wasn't helpful, so I will now try to do better!
Do you get any respite at all? Does your wee boy stay with his dad ever? It doesn't sound that way from your post.
I do honestly sympathise!

Can't the person you're dating stay over at yours? If he can't put up with your toddler waking up through the night it's a good indication he's not responsible enough to be in your life. You've got a kid and you're a package deal.

You don’t have to stop dating. Just don’t have any overnights yet. It’s only been four dates too early for him to be staying over when your ds is there surely.

Well done for moving on and dating, nothing works unless you try.
Preservance yes!
If the man your dating is ok with the trails and tribulations of being a mum that's great.

The bedtime fun and games can go on for many years.
It all depends on how you want it to work for you and the man your dating.
Call on family or a babysitter to help out.
Inviting the new man into your home will take some adjustment with your toddler having someone else around.
It all depends on all of you trying to make it work.
No sex after 4 dates really, you have to test the water sometime and when and how many dates is not something anyone can tell you is right or wrong but your instinct.
My only thing is make sure he wears clothes or a robe to the bathroom!

Well my nearly 5 year old still doesn't sleep through the night so don't just base all your life decisions around that

Your raise a dilemma which I think people who aren’t single mums aren’t that aware of. Dating as a single mum - esp one where the dad has little or no contact - is not that easy. Babysitters are expensive and friends and families are both finite babysitting resources and ones you may not want or be able to use (esp if you are worried you might be judged for dating or being swept up in a new romance, which is TOTALLY your right and you should enjoy it). People always say you should avoid introducing you DCs to a new partner until you are sure. But if you’re a skint single mum, how do you do that? Dating without a babysitter basically means he comes to yours. You or he cook, you get a take away, watch a film (actually, this is probs most dates now in a time of covid??) Personally I think this is all completely fine and doable with a toddler. I started seeing someone when mine was 2. I wasn’t worried about my dc being confused about their dad as they’d never known him to be in a relationship with me. So I used to tell my dc that the guy I was seeing was a friend. My dc grew fond of him and enjoyed his visits. As my dc got a bit older they discovered he was my bf. No big revelation, just a natural progression. As for overnights, they would happen at mine, but I was lucky enough to have a spare room. My Dc bed shared with me so I would put them to bed in my bed and I’d start the night in the spare bed with my bf and then transfer to my dc when my they woke and then stayed there. In the morning the bf would either leave before my dc woke up, or I’d explain he’d had a sleep over - as other friends and relatives occasionally had. Basically, with a toddler, they have no preconceptions or suspicions. You can introduce them to your bf without them knowing this is actually a “bf” or attaching any sort of high stakes to the relationship. Please enjoy yourself. Imagine trying to do this with teens!!!